A little support because I want to become Better

ladysudan

Active Member
As sadness continues to prevail and I still can't smoke or drink or do drugs, I'm thinking of buying ukulele. My examinations are over. For 1 month I can watch every other stupid movie that exists or just let my frustration out through music. I have been learning music since 7 years old.

Anyways talking about my reboot journey, the day I shared you all my poem was the day I relapsed. If you don't have any idea how much of pain and sadness I'm going through right now, think of a person who gets all drunk to let everything out and it just feels so relieving to him/her. Yep, I'm that person who's acting all drunk, sad and lonely but she isn't drunk actually.

To my parents and my brother, I wish you knew how much I hate this world and myself and also how badly I wish to never wake up once I fall asleep.

Anyone who's wondering why she's talking about death but isn't dead? Death isn't easy. It's a mind that wishes to die but a body that wants to survive.
 

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
As sadness continues to prevail and I still can't smoke or drink or do drugs, I'm thinking of buying ukulele. My examinations are over. For 1 month I can watch every other stupid movie that exists or just let my frustration out through music. I have been learning music since 7 years old.

Anyways talking about my reboot journey, the day I shared you all my poem was the day I relapsed. If you don't have any idea how much of pain and sadness I'm going through right now, think of a person who gets all drunk to let everything out and it just feels so relieving to him/her. Yep, I'm that person who's acting all drunk, sad and lonely but she isn't drunk actually.

To my parents and my brother, I wish you knew how much I hate this world and myself and also how badly I wish to never wake up once I fall asleep.

Anyone who's wondering why she's talking about death but isn't dead? Death isn't easy. It's a mind that wishes to die but a body that wants to survive.
I've been there myself, I know how you feel. Muster up whatever motivation you can and use that to beat this demon. Please drop me a message if you need some 1:1 support, We're all here to help you and you're not alone!
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Hi, Lady. Your music is not your instrument, but it comes from inside, right? So also, we are not our behaviors. Sometimes, maybe often we fail- but we are not our failures.

We all have to face ourselves sometimes when we fail, but the challenge is to separate the action or behavior from the person. The music comes from inside you, so there is much to love there. Sometimes we need to change the guitar strings, or tune our guitar, but we still love music and we still love our guitar.

You have much to live for, much music to make, so I hope you understand what I'm saying. Standing with you, Lady!
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
Hopefully you can find a way to channel those negative feelings into something positive, Ladysudan. Seems that you're dealing with an awful lot - more than just a porn addiction. Have you thought about professional help? Please reach out to someone and get some support. There's no shame in that, and it's the smart thing to do when you're struggling.
 
Last edited:
As sadness continues to prevail and I still can't smoke or drink or do drugs, I'm thinking of buying ukulele. My examinations are over. For 1 month I can watch every other stupid movie that exists or just let my frustration out through music. I have been learning music since 7 years old.

Anyways talking about my reboot journey, the day I shared you all my poem was the day I relapsed. If you don't have any idea how much of pain and sadness I'm going through right now, think of a person who gets all drunk to let everything out and it just feels so relieving to him/her. Yep, I'm that person who's acting all drunk, sad and lonely but she isn't drunk actually.

To my parents and my brother, I wish you knew how much I hate this world and myself and also how badly I wish to never wake up once I fall asleep.

Anyone who's wondering why she's talking about death but isn't dead? Death isn't easy. It's a mind that wishes to die but a body that wants to survive.
Hey @ladysudan,

I understand the pain and frustration you must be feeling at the moment and let me tell you this... I'm simply feeling the same way or worse than you may think. I can't speak for everyone but I'm sure most of them have probably felt the same way.

A relapse may sometimes feel as though its the end of the world as though everything's come crushing down on you and no matter how much you cry for help and there's no one to help you but the positive side of this is that YOU AREN'T ALONE and we're all here with you. The more you write down your negative thoughts the less power the have on you and by you posting them here is not only helping you but a millions others as well who feel as though there's hope for them.

All I wish for you is all the happiness in the world and as you mentioned earlier... you would like to get a ukulele and I think you should go through with it. Music has always held a special part in my heart and it really is soothing and ever since I began learning to play the guitar the urges have had a lesser impact on me. Take all the time you need and don't put any pressure on yourself. Time will let you heal and you feel much better.

Remember you're never alone and will never be alone. We're all here for you each step of the way
 

ladysudan

Active Member
DAY 3
sorry for not updating.

some big things are happening that might change everything from now on.

I'm moving to a different city and will be living on my own as I pursue my studies further.

got myself a haircut and i look cute. hehe

I am not going to keep a smartphone but rather a NOKIA (if you remember the good old days). But sadly, I would have to keep a laptop. My parents have insisted on it that's why.

It's been 7 days only when I had talked about my failure, sadness and you know.... and now I'm making a life changing decision.
A little scared but also excited. That's how you define thrill.

Also I've realized I don't thank you all enough for your enormous amount of support and for reading every other stupid thing that I write out of my emotions. So, I would like to extend my thanks to
@TryingHarder @SmokenMirrors @Phineas 808 @Joseph porter @Blondie @Onmyway19 and @tryingtobreakfree .

I hope I don't disappoint anyone this time. 🤞
 
DAY 3
sorry for not updating.

some big things are happening that might change everything from now on.

I'm moving to a different city and will be living on my own as I pursue my studies further.

got myself a haircut and i look cute. hehe

I am not going to keep a smartphone but rather a NOKIA (if you remember the good old days). But sadly, I would have to keep a laptop. My parents have insisted on it that's why.

It's been 7 days only when I had talked about my failure, sadness and you know.... and now I'm making a life changing decision.
A little scared but also excited. That's how you define thrill.

Also I've realized I don't thank you all enough for your enormous amount of support and for reading every other stupid thing that I write out of my emotions. So, I would like to extend my thanks to
@TryingHarder @SmokenMirrors @Phineas 808 @Joseph porter @Blondie @Onmyway19 and @tryingtobreakfree .

I hope I don't disappoint anyone this time. 🤞
We'll always be here for you @ladysudan and you never disappointed us not one bit. Setbacks are a chance to make wiser decisions and learning from each one and with this setback... I'm sure it'll make you one step further towards reaching greater heights

I'm really happy for a your big move and a change in scenery has immense positives. I wish you all the best as you embark on another step towards living the life you've always wanted and can't be any happier for you.
Keep crushing it!! and the best of luck
 

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
DAY 3
sorry for not updating.

some big things are happening that might change everything from now on.

I'm moving to a different city and will be living on my own as I pursue my studies further.

got myself a haircut and i look cute. hehe

I am not going to keep a smartphone but rather a NOKIA (if you remember the good old days). But sadly, I would have to keep a laptop. My parents have insisted on it that's why.

It's been 7 days only when I had talked about my failure, sadness and you know.... and now I'm making a life changing decision.
A little scared but also excited. That's how you define thrill.

Also I've realized I don't thank you all enough for your enormous amount of support and for reading every other stupid thing that I write out of my emotions. So, I would like to extend my thanks to
@TryingHarder @SmokenMirrors @Phineas 808 @Joseph porter @Blondie @Onmyway19 and @tryingtobreakfree .

I hope I don't disappoint anyone this time. 🤞
Nobody is disappointed, we simply want you to succeed and become the best you!
 
D

Deleted member 29199

Guest
DAY 3
sorry for not updating.

some big things are happening that might change everything from now on.

I'm moving to a different city and will be living on my own as I pursue my studies further.

got myself a haircut and i look cute. hehe

I am not going to keep a smartphone but rather a NOKIA (if you remember the good old days). But sadly, I would have to keep a laptop. My parents have insisted on it that's why.

It's been 7 days only when I had talked about my failure, sadness and you know.... and now I'm making a life changing decision.
A little scared but also excited. That's how you define thrill.

Also I've realized I don't thank you all enough for your enormous amount of support and for reading every other stupid thing that I write out of my emotions. So, I would like to extend my thanks to
@TryingHarder @SmokenMirrors @Phineas 808 @Joseph porter @Blondie @Onmyway19 and @tryingtobreakfree .

I hope I don't disappoint anyone this time. 🤞
First of all I'm excited and happy to learn about the changes happening in your life and congrats on how far u got last time on ur recovery journey.

Btw the first time I tried to quit porn I also got myself a keypad phone and decided to put away my smartphone. It worked for sometime but later I needed my smartphone for college related reasons (as it was covid time and I hate sitting on my laptop all the time) and I never went back to do that. But you know what? I actually felt quite free in those days when I didn't had that smartphone. There was a calmness in life that I don't experience anymore having my phone around all the time. I limit my usage now to get some peace. Ofc it's not working out well at the moment but someday I will struck a balance.

Also don't beat yourself for small relapses (ik it's hypocrite of me to say this as I do the same but still...). Try to learn what went wrong, write it down and keep an eye out to see if it happens again. You're still moving towards your destination and that's what matters. Keep calm and stay strong!
 

ladysudan

Active Member
i've always kept on looking for the things i never had and never valued the things I already had. This realization comes when I thought I had developed the kind of friendship I always wanted to have but then I know that he's spilling facts when he says that we haven't spent much time together.

Advice : Always focus on friendships or else you might just hurt someone. Relationships are always better when the foundation of frienships are stronger than we had thought.

DAY 7 completed.
 

ladysudan

Active Member
Never thought I would be experiencing such problem but these days I'm having trouble falling asleep. I never thought p would have such grave affect on my routine. I am restless whenever I am wanting to fall asleep. Due to this, I'm falling asleep during the day. Also I end up using my phone or laptop, waking up after only 2 hours of sleep and then watch some boring stuff for 3 hours and again 1 hour of sleep and continue in same way. I recently have installed an app that does not allow me to use any other app for few hours but then without a paid subscription I can only use it to a maximum for 2 hours at stretch.

Can someone help? Please

About Reboot, I have completed my Day 9 and currently progressing through Day 10.
 

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member

Check these out and his other videos when you can. Restlessness is part of a reboot unfortunately, but it will pass! I had 3 or 4 sleepless nights during my first 90 days, it was a necessary evil. A dopamine detox and a changing of diet will help you massively with sleep , I believe
 

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
First of all, try to limit your screen time, especially an hour before bed time. Next, settle on a comfortable bed time, set an alarm that tells you "time to wind down whatever I'm doing and end my day". Do your best to make your sleep and wake times consistent, so your body and mind get used to 7-8 hours of sleep. Do a Google search for "sleep hygiene" - basically, make your bedroom quiet, dark, and comfortable to help get a good night's sleep.

It might take a week or two for your mind and body to adjust to a new (and healthier) sleep routine, but it will certainly be worth it. Bottom line is that a good night's sleep is crucial for good health, but our society makes this sound boring and no fun. 🙃
 
Moved to a different city. Everything's changing.Mum and dad will no longer be with me. Brother continues to live in some other country. I'm feeling nervous as I'm all on my own now. I am lucky to have a funny bsf.

DAY 15 COMPLETED.
Congrats again on this next step In your life and there's a saying that goes on to say that the butterflies that one gets when feeling anxious or nervous is actually a great sign as it relates to one making a good decision in their life and I believe you have made a likeable decisionin that as well.

Shifting away from our parents can never be an easy feat especially that for most part of our lives, they were there for us and now it's time for them to let you go and let you build the life you've always wanted and I'm very sure they're proud of you.

All the best @ladysudan. You can definitely accomplish anything you put your mind to.
 

Wolfmother

Member
Hi! I have to be honest with you guys. I was strong for 4 days but not for the fifth day because I ended up M and fantasizing about women and doubting myself that maybe I'm gay. And then I watched P. I don't know what to do. People are out there just completing their goals and here I am can't even go without engaging myself in PMO for 1 week. God how do I do this? I feel bad.
When I started out, I couldn't even hold a streak for a day or two. Now I haven't watched P in over a year and I think I've M around thrice in 2 years.


It obviously isn't going to be easy, we've pretty much conditioned our brain to this and we crave for badly as a result, obv.

I've had a lot of slip ups, but keep going. What really helped me was being aware of the reasons for the addiction. There are many greats vids out there on YouTube that talk about the addiction and even about your doubt your sexuality. Noah Church has a good vid about it, check it out.

Reboot Nation, Noah Church and many others have great videos about these and watching it and understanding what's the issue really helped.

Look out for cues when you relapse, what made you watch P? Were you bored or alone or feeling low? Analyse it, improve.

All in good time, I had alot of slip ups too, but you'll get there. Cheers!
 
Top