Trying Again

[GeminiMan]

Like your processes and tools for recovery .my favorite one was keep the phone and laptop in office always . That’s the one I will do myself.

Great plans ! Keep up your streaks .
Let them arise like a growing mountain

 

[rob24]

Just wanted to give this a bump to update and keep things present. I didn't post on my last relapse around 7/24, but I'm now beyond anything I've done in a long time, and I've managed to just pass 14 DAYS and going strong.

I recommend the Android app "Time Since." That definitely got me started back off on the right foot thsi time. I've been rebooting without posting independently and I've just started working on myself and many other habits. Maybe I was too "plugged in?" I'm not quite sure. It has taken a bunch of attempts.

My current best is around 60 days, but that was about 6 years ago. I've had a lot of reboots go to about 20 days, then flip on me, but I've already gone through so much this time, and paved the way for so many new good habits, and I've faced down a lot of the demons that were preventing me from getting started off on the right foot again.

I'm feeling GREAT. Really constructive. Every day is a building block. That's the sign of a good reboot. I've gotten here before, and I'm proud of myself for improving at self-control. I got really organized this time, and I made it more fun, and I focused on improving all the areas of my life that are important to me.

 

[rob24]

Another update - may help someone who reads this.

After 10 years of struggling with this and a couple other issues, I finally sought a therapist to help me resolve this issue. I'm happy to say I've now made it 40 DAYS without P, M, or O AT ALL.

ALthough I'm still working through a lot of other issues, having a person you're paying to oversee you actually quit is a big motivator, and I don't think anything has ever worked this well. I've had to get to the point in my career where I can confidently support the bills that come with it, but it WORKS.

The things that are mainly working:

1. Having a professional accountability partner whose help you've enlisted, and made your goal clear to them
2. Finding an EQUAL SUBSTITUTE for the "hit" that you get every day from PMO. For me, I turned to PMO due to (a) stress or (b) not wanting to spend money on something that might make me feel better about feeling unattractive/poor/gross in some way. I have a lot of self-loathing. I had to spend about 2 weeks just buying clothes, personal hygienic products, etc. - stuff to help me build up my self-image a bit more. Keep in mind that I have an EXTREME aversion to spending in normal circumstances, and this was a big step for me. Part of the reason I have relied on PMO in the past is becasue it was a FREE way to cope without spending any money. But it was bad for me in the long-term. But all of that seems to be external band-aids and coping mechanisms that are covering up the deeper underlying problems, and now we're getting to
3. Distress tolerance, which is very difficult, and involves not simply rejecting any bad feeling, or trying to cover up feeling ugly/bored by making a purchase or something to cope, but rather to "sit in the discomfort" of feeling some negative emotion and accepting it. I'm still in this phase, and it's bringing back temptations again, even after 40 days, but hopefully I won't rely so much on spending or any other external measure in order to cope in a world without the hit of the PMO addicton. I still have (2) to fall back on, and I'm working on tapering down the amount of spending I need to do in order to get a "hit" to replace PMO on days when I feel really tempted
4. Anytime I get different temptations to get to PMO in some other way, I need to deeply analyze and resolve where there is a lack or a deficit in my life. I had a point where I kept wanting to find some other way to reach a sexual climax, or literally anything else that would get me off. I traced back the root, and a lot of it comes back to just feeling unattractive, or feeling ostracized or left out in some way. I am working on a combination of #2 and #3 for each of these, which both show varying levels of independence from the initial issue. (3) shows greater independence, and (2) is only more of a coping mechanism, but both are valuable in some way or another. Together, they can be extremely good for developing indpendence from PMO

Keep in mind that I had used PMO to cope with any type of distress I felt during an extremely stressful last ten years of establishing my personal financial independence from my parents, as well as managing all the inferiority complexes surrounding the issues I've been bringing up in this thread (feel free to read back, but beware that some of it may be triggering to some of you). I'm slowly starting to get closer to a point of greater financial independence, and I'd like to have overcome this addiction BEFORE I arrive at that point, which is why I'm taking this really seriously now.

Anyway, this might be the farthest I've EVER made it in a cold-turkey reboot. I'm now beginning to understand the techniques of overcoming serious addictions, I think. There's definitely steps. At first I thought I'd figured it out with the substitutes, but it turns out we're not at the end of the road yet. Still more to go. We don't want to develop another unhealthy attachment/coping mechanism, but honestly I think it might be better for me in the long run than a 10-year addiction to PMO, so for that, I give myself some credit, and I hope it may help any of you who have wondered about what it might be like to seek out therapy, or if you have an aversion to it for any reason.

Hope this helps!

 

[Simon2]

This is a great summary of the benefits of getting professional therapy. We have to all get over the stigma of seeing a therapist. It does really help (with the right therapist) and is something not just porn addicts could use, but almost anyone once in a while.

Congratulations on your success! Keep it strong!