Yeah man, I really lucked out with this woman. She's hands down the best thing that ever happened to me.
As far as the Reddit thing goes, and the triggering, I feel like I should say this: My approach to this addiction is unorthodox at best. I occasionally will trigger myself on purpose, or allow myself to be triggered (because lets be honest, it happens) in order to learn how to manage those triggers. It is uncomfortable and unpleasant, and some would say that I am playing with fire unnecessarily. But for me, I think this is a necessary part of recovery. We live in a real world where we have almost no control over what we are exposed to, and I need to be able to live in that world without hiding from it. I work construction and am surrounded by an entire union full of degenerates, for lack of a better word. Porn is not only acceptable, but encouraged, and it is not uncommon to have pornographic material texted to me or shared with me at lunch break. Actually, there are even Penthouse calendars on the walls of the workshop, and pictures cut from porno magazines taped to the mirror in the bathroom. These triggering things cannot be removed, only dealt with. I'm not going to quit my job, because I love what I do, and I need to have close relationships with my coworkers in order to do my job well. So the goal, for me, is to be able to be surrounded by triggers on a regular basis and manage them. I have actually seen porn since I started rebooting, and a few times in the past it has caused me to relapse. But I am getting better and better every day at rejecting it when I see it. I find that the more I get comfortable with triggers, the better I am at not letting them control my life. Just because I see some porn does not mean I need to click on it, or watch more of it, or masturbate, or anything . . . it just means I have to say "I don't want this" and remove it from my sight, and then get on with my day.
This is probably not an advisable plan for many people, and I admit, it can make the path really hard. Everyones journey is unique, and therefore their recovery plan should be unique as well. For me, this is the way to freedom.
I quit drinking a 4 years ago, and I can mix a drink for my wife now without any mental turmoil. The reason I can do that, is because I really, truly, don't want it. It took a long time, but I made it. I hope to say the same thing about porn someday.
).
