Pazienza
Active Member
Checking in, it's been a while. Life has been quite strange, to put it lightly. There have been lots of changes, most of them for the better. I made a job change recently and that turned out to be a huge positive. I've also been going to the gym regularly, trying to get back into running. I used to enjoy running. I've been pleasantly surprised with how well I'm able to run -- and the emotional uplift I get from it.
As far as porn goes, well, I feel off the wagon. I wish I knew what happened, but I don't. I experienced a deep depression for a few weeks, the first major downswing in mood since I started the meds. I got lost in it, and it swept me away. I not only lost my porn sobriety, but my smoking sobriety as well. My porn "sobriety" has been weak at best this year, with only a few streaks that lasted longer than 10 days. I had a real good one a few months back, but that only lasted 28 days. So, it's been frustrating for sure. I want to give it another shot so here I go.
Yesterday was the worst of it, I think. I went back and forth in my head, battling with myself about watching porn or not. I peeked at porn several times thru the day, and then exited out .... and although this back-and-forth was very frustrating it was a necessary part of the struggle. Because I ultimately won and ended the day clean I am counting it as day 1.
I feel mostly content with where I am in life, and feeling positive about being back on the porn-free path.
Let's try this again
As far as porn goes, well, I feel off the wagon. I wish I knew what happened, but I don't. I experienced a deep depression for a few weeks, the first major downswing in mood since I started the meds. I got lost in it, and it swept me away. I not only lost my porn sobriety, but my smoking sobriety as well. My porn "sobriety" has been weak at best this year, with only a few streaks that lasted longer than 10 days. I had a real good one a few months back, but that only lasted 28 days. So, it's been frustrating for sure. I want to give it another shot so here I go.
Yesterday was the worst of it, I think. I went back and forth in my head, battling with myself about watching porn or not. I peeked at porn several times thru the day, and then exited out .... and although this back-and-forth was very frustrating it was a necessary part of the struggle. Because I ultimately won and ended the day clean I am counting it as day 1.
I feel mostly content with where I am in life, and feeling positive about being back on the porn-free path.
Let's try this again
