Brand new to this, my story.. I would LOVE some feedback since I'm so new to this

[Mike12345]

Hey all... my name is Mike.. I moved to Arizona back in 2020, and broke up with my current ex in December 2020. It's just me and my 10 1/2 year old son out here. I haven't been in any kind of meaningful romantic relationship since then. Fast forward a little bit, April 2021, I hooked up with a girl, all good. No real problems. Around that same time, I started hitting up my weed pen at night (great for great sleep, and it also enhances sexual feelings). So, ever since I started doing my weed pen, I've been taking care of myself around 2-3 times a day, all supplemented by porn. Every. Single. Day. Finally, fast forward to today. I met a really awesome girl back in November 2021. I was still watching the porn and getting off 2-3 times a day, not even thinking it was any kind of big deal. Why? Because I mean, I was turned on, everything appeared to work 1000% well. Well, the other night, last Friday, we finally took that next step. But, as you could imagine... I didn't get like super turned on at all. She thought it was her. I assured her it wasn't. She's a nurse and brought up the fact that maybe it's because I have been getting off so many times a day (I was transparent with her about that). So, nothing happened except oral. Even then, I didn't get off. I said hang on, I ran out to my car, grabbed my weed pen, took a few hits, and went back, thinking that would help. Nope.

I started doing research the day after (Saturday, as in a couple days ago). I learned a lot about PIED. Since she is so important to me, I took immediate, drastic steps.

1. I threw my weed pen out.
2. I deleted all of my go-to bookmarks on Pornhub.
3. Understanding that this is all (mostly) psychological, I did a fair amount of research on diet and made a decision to start eating extremely clean.
4. I went to my doctor to rule anything else out. He prescribed me Tadalafil 10mg just in the event that her and hang out again but it's during my recovery process.
5. I looked into and will start meditating.

She's extremely busy with work, and kids, and all that, we are going to hang out on 5/27 again. She's been so super supportive of everything! So amazing. What I don't want to happen is the same thing that happened the other night, to happen on 5/27. I think the Tadalafil should help, right? My BIGGEST fear is this happening all over again on 5/27. That would literally kill me and my emotions.

And a couple interesting things here.

1. I had 104 bookmarks on Pornhub. Since I deleted them and started making these changes, I have had literally zero desire to go back to that. I assume it's because I'm very much dedicated to getting to a better spot with this woman I love so much.
2. I'll still get off, but not to anything. I just imagine her on top of me, it only takes 3-5 minutes.
3. I can get hard with thoughts of her alone. Like, I'll be at my computer, at work, and just think of her, and BAM. It happens.

I think all these things are good signs. I'd like to assume I WAS addicted to porn back when I broke up with my ex, but if I was addicted then wouldn't I have withdrawal symptoms currently??? I don't.

Thanks for reading!

 

[Mike12345]

Lay off the porn and masturbation until 5/27 and I think you will be fine, especially with the Cialis on board. Your ED doesn’t sound that severe honestly and is likely due to just excess masturbation. I’d recommend no masturbation until then and you will likely be busting at the seams ready to go.

Quitting porn will probably be pretty easy for you because you are riding the dopamine high of a new relationship and you are really motivated. I was in a similar situation about 12 years ago and it was quite easy until I took it back up after 19 months of sobriety.

Holy shit lol I've never gone more than 2 days without getting off. We're talking 17 days. I will take your advice!

 

[Mike12345]

Lay off the porn and masturbation until 5/27 and I think you will be fine, especially with the Cialis on board. Your ED doesn’t sound that severe honestly and is likely due to just excess masturbation. I’d recommend no masturbation until then and you will likely be busting at the seams ready to go.

Quitting porn will probably be pretty easy for you because you are riding the dopamine high of a new relationship and you are really motivated. I was in a similar situation about 12 years ago and it was quite easy until I took it back up after 19 months of sobriety.

I'm totally hitting this whole thing hardcore, doing as much as I can in the 3 or so weeks leading up to our next meetup. I feel like I'm doing everything I possibly can to get recovery going as quick as possible.

In addition to every change I mentioned in the original post, today I set a personal goal of mine - 30 minutes of cardio outside (running/walking/jogging) every day for 30 days.

I don't think I mentioned it, but I also Googled a number of websites related to "diet for better sexual health" and grabbed the commonalities between them and got the stuff. I went to Sprouts yesterday, spent maybe $130 on super healthy things, meals, stuff like that.

I just really hope that I'll be ready 5/27 because it's going to be embarrassing AF if I don't.

Something worth mentioning, though.

I never used to be like this. My sex drive has ALWAYS been super high. When I was with my ex for 5 years, yeah I watched porn a little bit. Definitely not to the degree which I've watched it recently. But with her, I was ALWAYS ready to go. 100%, all the time. I think that maybe proves the plumbing is OKAY, and that the true issue is in fact PIED (porn and THC both affect dopamine so doing it both at the same time accelerated the sensations). Honestly I think I'll be fine come 5/27, and I'll have the Cialis just in case (I'll still take it a few hours prior just to be safe - maybe up the dose by half, I don't know yet).

 

[Fappy]

Hi Mike,
First and foremost, its great that you deleted all that crap from your devices. Lets keep it that way! You will get urges to watch it again, but try to do something at that time to distract yourself as much as possible until the urge dissappears. Also triggers are a big thing, youve already eliminated one trigger - the weed pen - so keep a look out for any other things in your environment that may trigger an urge to lok at it.
Is this your first time to try a reboot? if not how long have you gone without porn in the past?
If you have PIED (porn indiced erectile dysfunction), then you should expect it to happen again. But those symptoms will subside the longer you get into your reboot.
Try to get a copy of the book Your Brain on Porn, too. Thats a really big help.

 

[Mike12345]

Maximum dose of Cialis is 20 mg at a time. I’m a physician by the way.

I didn't know that! Thank you! Quick off the record question, and I'll also call my own doc, and also understanding you don't know anything about my medical history, but would you say it's okay to take 15mg (as a, JUST TO BE CERTAIN kind of thing) (1 plus a half of one)?