Exciting days!!

tydurden

Member
Day 72! Kept myself busy and also no O for 8 days. Feeling good about my achievement and I even though I miss P, I know that I am going to reach my 90 day goal (and then keep going). The next day I am bored and alone home or I go on a date I know the the O-streak will break. That's feels fine. No P is the main goal for me, and if I break the streak from having sex or even an epic wank by myself without P that is completely acceptable. Doing well. I already feel that my PIED days are over. Not verified, but I feel more confident about it than I used to. Thank you so much to this community and everyone out there who are trying and failing and trying again to get rid of P in their life. Quitting P feels like a secret super power. Most people are probably somewhat damaged by porn and now I am taking my sexuality back. Maybe not as cool as flying or squirting spider webs from your hands, but if there was a super power to be better at sex than every one else, this is it. Since everyone on this planet watches porn, it is quite a life hack to quit.
 

tydurden

Member
Day 72 turned out to be a tough day. Really tempted to watch P so I had to come in here in stead. Swiping on Tinder is definitely a big trigger for me.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Yes, Tinder can be a bitch. Nice job staying the course Durden.

What would Tyler Durden do in this situation? He would probably delete the app and start talking to girls in person, or start that war against the corporations! I would definitely choose the former and not the latter. ;)

Keep killing it man!

"We need to reject the basic assumptions of modern civilization, especially the importance of Tinder.”
 
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Yes, Tinder can be a bitch. Nice job staying the course Durden.

What would Tyler Durden do in this situation? He would probably delete the app and start talking to girls in person, or start that war against the corporations! I would definitely choose the former and not the latter. ;)

Keep killing it man!

"We need to reject the basic assumptions of modern civilization, especially the importance of Tinder.”
Something I've always wondered -- feel like most dating happens via apps these days so it's really hard to not use them. So post-reboot, is using Tinder / Hinge / etc acceptable? Feel like it's definitely a trigger but you also have to use them...a real catch-22
 

tydurden

Member
Day 73 came. I think it was a Sunday. And I just completely relapsed. And not only relapsed, but I had the longest streak of P in my life. I forgot to eat and sleep. And then it just lasted. I was disappointed and ashamed, but at the same time it felt like the best day/days of my life. It was amazing. So easy, so comfortable.

This is the first time I check in here since then. I was so sure that I was on the right course. And I was sure that my achievement of 70 days would keep me from ever going back. I could not have been more wrong. The shortcut to "happiness" and the availableness of P on every device was too much for me. I relapsed at a day where I did not feel to good about myself. Those days are a normal part of life, there is no way around it.

After I relapsed, I did not even want to start on a new reboot because I was so disappointed in myself, but also simply because I was not ready to give up P. And to be honest, I am still not ready. It is not just getting rid of a bad habit, it is getting rid of something that has given me so much joy ever since I was 13 years old. I know that this joy is not real in the sense that it is not sustainable. We are simply not built for accessing "sex" so easily, it fucks us totally up. I judge fat people on TV that just cannot stop overeating even though it is killing them, but then my own addiction to P is exactly the same, just a different drug.

That is where I am now. I do not think I have ever watched more P than I have the last 4 months. And even as I am writing this, I cannot truly motivate myself to start a new reboot. For now, it was a step just logging back onto this site. P is still ruining my sex and love life.

Big thanks to all you guys that supported me, I wish you all very good luck in your healing processes! If there is any lesson to be learned, it is that it takes time to heal and I think I got cocky and started to celebrate too early. I need to think about this for a while and hopefully I will be back here with a fresh start soon.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey Durden, good to see you back.

Relapses happen man, and sometimes we need to go through the pain just to understand why we hate this shit so much.

I really appreciate your honesty in that you don't really know if you truly want to quit at this moment or not. I can honestly respect that man, because there's authenticity in that statement, instead of saying what you think you should be saying.

I'm not much of a bible man, but I always liked this verse. "Because you are lukewarm–neither hot nor cold–I am about to spit you out of my mouth." It's a good analogy about doing things with all your heart and being truly committed to the cause. I can respect someone who isn't pretending to have made that final decision yet, but knows he probably should.

I know when you decide to beat this beast, you'll find all the strength you would ever need within yourself.

Keep killing it.

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything"
 
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Day 73 came. I think it was a Sunday. And I just completely relapsed. And not only relapsed, but I had the longest streak of P in my life. I forgot to eat and sleep. And then it just lasted. I was disappointed and ashamed, but at the same time it felt like the best day/days of my life. It was amazing. So easy, so comfortable.

This is the first time I check in here since then. I was so sure that I was on the right course. And I was sure that my achievement of 70 days would keep me from ever going back. I could not have been more wrong. The shortcut to "happiness" and the availableness of P on every device was too much for me. I relapsed at a day where I did not feel to good about myself. Those days are a normal part of life, there is no way around it.

After I relapsed, I did not even want to start on a new reboot because I was so disappointed in myself, but also simply because I was not ready to give up P. And to be honest, I am still not ready. It is not just getting rid of a bad habit, it is getting rid of something that has given me so much joy ever since I was 13 years old. I know that this joy is not real in the sense that it is not sustainable. We are simply not built for accessing "sex" so easily, it fucks us totally up. I judge fat people on TV that just cannot stop overeating even though it is killing them, but then my own addiction to P is exactly the same, just a different drug.

That is where I am now. I do not think I have ever watched more P than I have the last 4 months. And even as I am writing this, I cannot truly motivate myself to start a new reboot. For now, it was a step just logging back onto this site. P is still ruining my sex and love life.

Big thanks to all you guys that supported me, I wish you all very good luck in your healing processes! If there is any lesson to be learned, it is that it takes time to heal and I think I got cocky and started to celebrate too early. I need to think about this for a while and hopefully I will be back here with a fresh start soon.
Relapses are painful man, and they can absolutely kill your motivation given your sunk cost and thinking 'if only I didn't relapse I'd be on Day xyz' -- this line of thinking is very seductive but gets us nowhere

I get it man. Also read your post in my reboot journal as well man, I'm very happy if there's anything at all of value you've taken from my journal / story. I'm no Blondie so not trying to be inspirational but I try to put everything I'm feeling on the page -- good and bad -- to give a candid take of progress. I KNOW you can make this happen if you want it, I think one thing that really helps is figuring out how BADLY you want something

For me, I know I want to get married someday and I know I want kids. And I'm 26 right now so while there's time it's not like being 21 and there's all the time in the world. So I guess I used my fear of dying alone without any family beside me as a big motivator. I saw all my friends moving on & realized I didn't want to be left behind. I wanted it so BADLY that I used this to fuel me. It's kind of like losing weight. There's times where I wanted to lose weight (that went nowhere) and there's times I WANTED to lose weight. In the former I'd still eat all this random crap & give into cravings, with the latter -- it's a totally different state of mind -- I dismissed cravings in a heartbeat. I'm not saying what worked for me is going toward for you, but there's some level of desperation that I forced upon myself to get to this point. I haven't made it, but I KNOW I will. You can too brother, take some time to collect this critical mass of motivation & then get back in the saddle
 

tydurden

Member
Day 1

After another few weeks of back on P, I believe I have found the motivation to do this properly again. I have realised that just quitting P can be to tricky by itself and I need some more strategic measures to be taken. I also believe I have now said goodbye to P for good and I see clearly how much damage this can do to my life if I dont't quit now.

Just quitting P is very hard if my life is boring. So I need to add a bit more progression elsewhere in my life. All the time I have spent with P needs to be spent doing something else, preferably productive.

- start exercising
- get out of my house on hungover Sundays
- drink less

i am allready looking forward to being on my way again. Last time I reached above 50 days, I felt awesome. I was still flatlining heavily and missing P, but I felt I was on the right track and thought I would never go back.
 

swimmer97

Member
Day 1

After another few weeks of back on P, I believe I have found the motivation to do this properly again. I have realised that just quitting P can be to tricky by itself and I need some more strategic measures to be taken. I also believe I have now said goodbye to P for good and I see clearly how much damage this can do to my life if I dont't quit now.

Just quitting P is very hard if my life is boring. So I need to add a bit more progression elsewhere in my life. All the time I have spent with P needs to be spent doing something else, preferably productive.

- start exercising
- get out of my house on hungover Sundays
- drink less

i am allready looking forward to being on my way again. Last time I reached above 50 days, I felt awesome. I was still flatlining heavily and missing P, but I felt I was on the right track and thought I would never go back.
Great measures. Lets go for the best run yet! For me Porn doesnt exist anymore. Its like an ex girlfriend that never wants to see you again. In the start its painfull and you want to speak/see her badly. With time it gets better. best regards
 

tydurden

Member
Day 2!

haha I know its a lame acheivement, but it's just good to have started again with a deeper motivation. I know I want to do this and I know I am capable of making it.

Yesterday I did nothing at all which is typically the worst trigger for me. So in a way, sustaining boredom is quite an achievement.

thanks swimmer and everyone else reading this!
 

seano

Member
Goodluck @tydurden!
I am just restarting my sobriety streak after a full on relapse as well.

I can relate to what you said previously about porn feeling like it brings you joy and not being totally sure you want to give it up. I've often felt the same way. For me, I try to remember the "joy" from porn use isn't true joy. There are much more fulfilling and joyous things in this life, we need to give our brains long enough to rewire from the artificial stimulation of porn use and become sensitive to natural joys again

You got this 💪
 
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