Finally posting

Dungalef

Active Member
Good on ya, brother! Hoping the traveling is more enjoyment than business (or both)?
Thanks! Kinda halfway in between... Family stuff. 🙂 Pleasure, but not a vacation if that makes sense.

Anyway, back home now and completely exhausted. The kids haven't been letting me sleep very well lately, one of them had a tummy bug while we were gone.

Made it to Day 26 though. Feeling urges today amidst the exhaustion to confirm myself with porn, but I'm not going down that road. Already found myself poking at the door, but I'm pulling back and refocusing. It might provide some comfort amidst exhaustion, but only hollow comfort at an enormous cost.
 
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Dungalef

Active Member
Day 27

Made it out more or less unscathed. 🙂 Today was just a tough day all around. My wife and I are both exhausted from lack of sleep, and we've been irritable because of it... We were gonna have sex last night but ended up squabbling and getting frustrated with each other about stupid stuff instead... Today I've been so tempted to soothe the stress with sex, especially because it's been a while. Found myself poking around in sketchy places, with filters that I have in place preventing me from getting into too much trouble. I did find myself on some porn alternative kinds of searches, but managed to stop and realize what I was doing. That finding something sexy might be nice, but it would just leave me frustrated and wanting more. Wasn't gonna masturbate, so I would only get frustrated. And what was the point, it wasn't actually gonna do anything. So I backed off.

Definitely a bit harrowing, and I'm planning on talking about it with my wife. I've done too little of that lately, and I find that it helps with our relationship, and helps keep me honest and accountable in the fight.
 

Warhawk88

Active Member
Good job catching and redirecting yourself. "Wasn't going to masturbate" turns into "just a touch" and then full blown PMO in the blink of an eye when looking for substitutes if you're not careful. Good plan on chatting with the wife too. Sometimes getting it out there breathes new life into this journey. Hang in there brother!
 

Dungalef

Active Member
Thanks @Blondie!

In some ways this streak doesn't feel as "clean" as the last one... More borderline behavior and porn substitutes here and there. On the other hand though, I feel like I'm getting a lot better at not falling into b&w thinking. While things may not be quite as flawless, I'm finding it easier to not give the rough edges any power! Just carrying on knowing I can do this.
 

Dungalef

Active Member
Wow, super close call tonight. Home alone, and I found myself thinking about a tv show with nudity that I used to search up and watch clips of as a porn substitute (more like just straight-up porn, really) back in the day. Euphoric recall basically. Started searching it up, but couldn't access it without shutting down safe mode and whatnot. Found myself literally getting the shakes of anticipation as I poked around, more or less mentally committed to finding a way in. Then I had a moment of just enough clarity to realize what an idiot I was being, and shut everything down. Eesh, that was kinda scary. The physiological response I was feeling was so powerful.
 

Dungalef

Active Member
Yes, @SimonM it's crazy how powerful it can be! So glad I resisted. Not super happy that I needed my blockers to save me, but I'll take the win however I can get it. It's just that I'd rather work WITH myself to achieve my goals rather than wrestling myself to the ground, as it were.

Anyway, made it to Day 30!
 
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