Finally posting

[Dungalef]

Day 2

Feeling pretty good today. It's good to be back to posting here more again, it makes me feel like I'm able to take the things I know and have learned and actually engage them, rather than just coasting along and hoping for the best. Anyway, I've got some time at home this morning, which means it's association-weakening day! Haha... Really though, when I'm doing well there's kinda a bit of excitement about encountering situations that have triggered me, because it feels like a shot at growth and even redemption. A chance to show myself that I'm better than that, that I'm strong and capable of being true to myself.

I do have some stuff to accomplish on the computer, but I think I won't start the time alone on there. I'll try to do some real-world things, maybe some dishes and some tidying, before sitting down to tackle the computer tasks. And I'll try to check in here later, definitely if I'm feeling urges.

Feels good to have a plan! Hang in there my friends, we can beat this.

 

[Dungalef]

K, feeling some urges now. Just posting here to acknowledge that, and to recognize that they will pass (likely numerous times) and it'll be ok. I'll get through this, and even if I get a bit bored here and there I am earning myself some hard-won progress.

 

[Androg]

Never underestimate the power of a trigger. Don't entertain it, analyze it, ruminate about it, try to compromise with "just a little peek," etc. Just move your attention elsewhere.

Keep telling yourself that you want those neural connections to fade. "When nerve cells fire apart, wires depart!"

 

[Dungalef]

Made it through everything with no issues! I set the computer aside and found something productive to focus on, listening to a podcast in a language I'm working on learning. Feeling really good about the time alone, in a way that I haven't for a while.

 

[Dungalef]

Day 3

Alright, here we go, time for another day of no porn or substitutes.

 

[Dungalef]

Day 4
Likely to be a bit of alone time again today, so I'll need to be aware of that. Nice to have the success from the other day to build on, but I'll definitely need to remember that the neutral pathways are still definitely alive and well, and will need to be reckoned with.

 

[Dungalef]

Day 5

Was a bit less deliberate and focused during the alone time yesterday, but made it through with no porn incidents at all! Getting some momentum little by little.

 

[Dungalef]

Day 6

 

[Dungalef]

Back to Day 0.

Had a sick day at home, and with the changes in schedule I wasn't proactive about posting on the forum right away. I definitely think that was the main culprit here, which reinforces for me the power of posting here each morning (almost said importance of, but it's better for me to view it as an opportunity rather than an obligation. A powerful tool at my disposal.)

 

[Dungalef]

Day 1

Not proud of how I handled yesterday. Instead of seizing the unexpectedly free day and using it meaningfully, I just sorta collapsed into it, doing whatever I felt like and following the path of least resistance. And I wasn't proactive either about making a plan for how to fight the urges, relying vaguely instead on the momentum I'd been building to carry me through. Which it didn't, unsurprisingly, not when I'd been having such regular slip ups already.

But that's yesterday, and this is today. And I can learn and grow, and move on. The reality is I didn't even really enjoy myself... It was a heightened, exciting hormonal experience but it felt so hollow and empty. Which is a good reminder of how deceptive porn is, how it tricks is into thinking it's attractive when really it just takes and takes without giving back almost anything.

 

[Dungalef]

Day 2

Might have time alone today, not sure. If I do, firstorder of business is posting on here.

 

[Dungalef]

Day 3

 

[Dungalef]

Day 4

 

[Dungalef]

Day 10

Just got back from an excellent but busy family vacation! Didn't get a chance to post, but all is doing well. Gonna jump back into posting regularly to make sure I don't let myself slide back into bad patterns

 

[Dungalef]

Day 11

Gonna be a busy day with miscellaneous errands today... Nice to be back home.

 

[Dungalef]

Day 12

 

[Dungalef]

Day 13

Feels like maybe I'm finally starting to hit a bit of a stride again! Part of it is external, since i haven't had as many opportunities for temptation lately what with the vacation and as all, but I'm not sure how much that matters. Either way I'm getting distance between me and porn, which weakens the neural pathways and gives me momentum.

 

[Dungalef]

Looks like today will involve some working alone, and probably some time home alone as well. Lots to do, so the plan is to jump in and chug away at stuff instead of letting myself get distracted by anything unhealthy for me. Will plan on posting here if there are any urges!

 

[Dungalef]

Day 14

Two weeks! Not that big of a streak compared to the past, but it feels like more momentum than I've been able to muster in a while! Not seeing any particular problem zones today, except that I'm tired and there have been some tensions with my wife lately, which can sometimes be a catalyst for me.

 

[Androg]

Stay strong. Porn use won't make tensions with wife better. Try eye contact, smiles, affectionate touch and avoiding arguments until you are both in a less defensive place.