Great job getting to 22 days - I'm right with you aiming for that big 30 - let's do it bro!
Sounds like we have the exact same sort of issues we encounter during our reboot and same attitude to how to deal with them.Day 24
Man, feeling super horny today. I'm not feeling like I want P, I know too well how that ends. BUT this is the kind of time where I start making compromises. Experimented earlier to see if I could get an erection with just sensation, and it worked great. But that needs to stop, because it's a very short step from that to MO, and MO so often leads to a relapse for me. Not right away, but it starts the downhill slope.
That's something I'm determined to keep an eye on this time...the little stuff. That's what led me to ruin my streak of nearly 90 days a couple of months ago, and I don't want to do that again. That's a lot of what this journal is for: making myself be aware of any compromises, so that I have time to stop the patterns before they escalate!
This!So, I'm recommitting to not playing that imdb game, or other similar games. Next time I want to do that, I'll come post in here instead. And one of these days I want to really capture some of the reasons I want to quit, to remind myself.
Yeah I can definitely relate this - think it's why my relapses have often started from "innocent" Google image searchesThat idea totally captures the problem I start having around this time, where I do stuff like I just described on Monday where I'm searching around where I might see something sexual, but might not. Because the odds are low, I feel safe from a relapse/streak reset. Because there's a chance, though, I just get enough of a dopamine hit (or whatever it is) to get hooked, and probably reinforce addiction paths.
Exactly the same for me tooWhat you’re saying about needing to remind yourself about why you care, I really get that. My two relapses after starting recovery were because I sort of drifted away from caring, or engaging with why I was doing it. And it goes so fast too, I went from saying I never want to watch porn again, to full relapse within a day. It starts small, like an image search or checking out someone on Instagram. From there it’s almost like I’m placing myself on rails headed for relapse. I forget what I was actually trying to do. Not always fast, it can take days or weeks, but eventually it leads there.
I think this is a good way of thinking about itAs I've seen it said on these forums before (I don't remember where), at the end of the day it's a win if I just don't look at porn. Even if I waste some time on other stuff. Because none of them are as toxic as porn, none of them hurt my relationships like porn does, none of them go against my own morals like porn, none of them run the risk of destroying my whole life the way porn does! None of them erode my personhood and confidence as much as porn does.