Finally posting

[Dungalef]

Day 5

 

[Dungalef]

Day 6

 

[Dungalef]

Day 7

 

[Dungalef]

Couple of slip ups, feeling on the verge of spiralling. Checking in to say I don't want to do that.

 

[Dungalef]

Blech, back to 0 again. Feeling so frustrated and disappointed with myself. I just sooooo want to get to a place where I can feel good about myself and trust myself. Right now I feel like I just can't. Like I'm constantly betraying and sabotaging myself, and I can't even get past a week clean these days.

 

[Kraken]

Blech, back to 0 again. Feeling so frustrated and disappointed with myself. I just sooooo want to get to a place where I can feel good about myself and trust myself. Right now I feel like I just can't. Like I'm constantly betraying and sabotaging myself, and I can't even get past a week clean these days.

Hang in there man! Sorry to hear about the pmo use. You got this. We have all been there many times. For me, I found being hard on myself after pmo use made me feel bad and when I feel bad I pmo more.

 

[Blondie]

Sorry to hear about this @Dungalef. Maybe make a goal for yourself at first, like a week porn free. Then off to the races again and once you get there make another goal.

Best

 

[Dungalef]

Alright guys, here I am again. Hasn't been a great month. Haven't been binging much, but it's been a slow steady drip-feed of porn and porn-adjacent content. Getting sick of it, but feeling stuck. I'm in that zone where I just feel that itch sooo often, and I'm having such a hard time not scratching it. Haven't PMO'ed in ages, the issue for me is more edging. Somehow not O'ing to porn is a hard line that I can almost always hold, but it's not like it's really helping me at all tbh. I mean maybe there might be some benefits I'm getting in the recovery process, maybe it would be worse if I was O'ing all the time, but the reality is that I still get the dopamine hit from the hunt. And I feel so empty without that dopamine hit these days... *sigh*
I'm not beating myself up a ton. I'm also seeing value in myself in all kinds of ways, and I'm proud of many things that I've been doing. But I just continue to feel stuck in this porn trap, and I don't like it.

Anyway, back up and at it again. I'm gonna count it was a win right now to get 3 days free, because that'll be more than I've had in a while. And to do that I'll really need to be working hard, because I know for sure that there will be moments when I get that itch. Sooo I need to come and post here when I get the itch, and each time I do so I want to force myself to post the concrete action that I am going to take instead of doing porn. Preferably something away from the screen, but that'll depend on circumstances.

Day 0

Not a big number, but it's a number. And that means I'm in the fight again.

 

[Will Stalwart]

I know what the edging can be like. It’s like you’re telling yourself it doesn’t count. I’ve definitely fallen victim to that trap more times than I can count. It’s a slippery slope that always gets me.

But the reality is 90%+ of porn has nothing to do with the big O, and a lot of the dopamine hit comes from the scrolling and the searching, and we don’t even realise we are just wasting a ton of time until we slip and accidentally bust to something that leaves us feeling empty.

Getting back on here after it all and admitting our mistakes can be tricky. But here you are, and maybe this time you’ll crack it!

 

[NYC]

I know what the edging can be like. It’s like you’re telling yourself it doesn’t count. I’ve definitely fallen victim to that trap more times than I can count. It’s a slippery slope that always gets me.

But the reality is 90%+ of porn has nothing to do with the big O, and a lot of the dopamine hit comes from the scrolling and the searching, and we don’t even realise we are just wasting a ton of time until we slip and accidentally bust to something that leaves us feeling empty.

Getting back on here after it all and admitting our mistakes can be tricky. But here you are, and maybe this time you’ll crack it!

You are my hero for posting this, because this is right where I am at these last 2 weeks. And I have had great sex with my wife but not for the last 2 weeks. No doing P but certainly edging, short of O. And i have thought of it just like you have described. Thank you for calling it out for what it is!

 

[Dungalef]

Day 1

 

[Dungalef]

Day 2

 

[Dungalef]

Day 3

 

[GBS]

Good stuff @Dungalef - keep going.

 

[downhillfromhere]

@Dungalef @Will Stalwart @NYC

The edging thing you’re talking about really struck me. The thought that it doesn’t count, that what I always think when I view porn when I’m bored or feeling down. It’s so easy to trick ourselves to thinking it’s okay somehow, as long as there is no orgasm. But it doesn’t work that way, and I’m reminded of that now. Every time we look it up or decide to watch something, it builds and builds until you can’t even go one day without looking.

Dungalef, keep up the good work!

 

[Dungalef]

Day 4

Good thoughts, @downhillfromhere! For me honestly it's been a couple of years since orgasm has been a regular part of my routine, and I can confirm that it really is just as big if a problem to edge a bunch as it does to do the full PMO. The release may not happen, but the brain training still does!

 

[GBS]

I’m going to chip in, if I may @Dungalef - I reckon if we’re brutally honest with ourselves that we all know there’s no way to cheat the system and find a way to get our dopamine hits by edging/whatever. If we get our little highs we know we’ve conned ourselves. Training the brain to stop finding ways around takes a lot of time. It’s really difficult which is why it’s so painfully easy to fall off. Bottom line (for me): don’t kid yourself. Refresh yourself.

 

[Dungalef]

Feeling a bit like an idiot right now. I've been doing reasonably ok lately, but then the last two days running I've had fairly major edging sessions. Makes me feel like crap, and kinda struggling to feel motivated and hopeful.