Finally posting

Dungalef

Dungalef

Active Member
I really think I would benefit from getting some therapy. Problem is I'm in a country where there aren't really good options, and so I have to find someone remote who's licensed to practice internationally.... It exists, but it's complicated. I've found some resources and need to sort through the options now.
 
Dungalef

Dungalef

Active Member
Ok, good news and bad news:

The Bad
I'm continuing to struggle with porn on a semi-regular basis. Often a couple of times a week or so, to one degree or another. Afternoons when I'm home alone, or in the office alone are both problematic for me. Struggling to figure out how to uproot those two particular occasions. Maybe sometime I'll describe my unhealthy routines and see if you guys have some advice.

The Good
I'm doing a lot of really good self-care these days.
  • Since acquiring a piano in October I've been practicing almost every single day. It's been almost a decade since I've played regularly, and it's great to get back into it.
  • I've finally found a good solution for therapy now, and I've been meeting with someone online every couple of weeks since the beginning of the year. No huge breakthroughs yet or anything, but it's a step.
  • Just started getting into yoga a bit lately. Most forms of excercise I tend to really struggle with, but so far this seems like it could be a good fit for me.
Overally honestly, I feel like I'm in a pretty healthy spot. While I'm frustrated at not being able to root out the porn yet (not giving up there, I'll keep at it until I get there), overall I'm proud of the work I've been putting into life lately.
 
Dungalef

Dungalef

Active Member
Jumping back into this again. Don't know that I'll be posting regularly, just wanting to declare formally here that I'm renewing my efforts. I feel like in many ways porn has shrunk in its influence on me, but I still keep coming back to it regularly. It's doing nothing but slowing me down in life though, and I want to ditch it completely.
 
Dungalef

Dungalef

Active Member
On Day 4 now, so far so good. 🙂 Experienced some pretty strong urges yesterday while at work (not uncommon for me to end up looking at porn in the bathroom in a similar situation). Ended up proactively MO'ing to handle it. I've gotten pretty good at keeping my mind clear of fantasies while MO'ing, so it didn't feel unhealthy at all. At the same point, it's something I do want to avoid because I want to learn full self mastery.
 
Dungalef

Dungalef

Active Member
Day 5

Read back through a bunch of my journal here today. Fascinating to see the bird's eye view, and how I'm a bit of a different person every time I come back.

One thing I'm feeling right now in comparison to the version of me I'm reading in my post history, is that I feel way less desperate than I so often have. I feel like I want to kick this because I want to know that I can and I want to get to know a version of me without porn, but I feel so much less like everything hinges on my success or failure. Feels like I'm really crawling out from underneath the control of porn, on a deeper level than just a streak counter.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top