Finally posting

Dungalef

Member
Day 52

60 is in my sights now, and for the next week I'll be camping with no internet or cell service! Definitely makes things a bit easier, haha.

Engaged in a but of mildly risky behavior a day or two ago, but I don't have time to explain it now. Suffice it to say I cut it off, and am keeping an eye on the underlying attitude that was behind it. Almost got sucked into the "thrill of the chase" in a very mild context where porn wasn't the goal, but it's a super dangerous mode for me anyway. Haven't had issues since then, though.
 

Dungalef

Member
Thanks @Warhawk88!

Day 57 today. Porn doesn't even feel like a temptation at all right now. It was great to have a few days camping with family, very grounding and non-virtual. Have another overnight camping trip tomorrow, for a friend's bachelor party. It's so great feeling like a real person, like someone who isn't a porn user. 🙂 My brain feels like it is detoxing. I used to find that even when I was away from technology like on camping trips, I would fantasize about women I saw and MO. Didn't even feel tempted by that this time. Now my old self just seems so absurdly sexualized, and it's nice to be free from that.

I also know that the old patterns are still there, lurking under the surface, ready to pounce the moment I give them an inch. I can revel in the feeling of distance from porn, even while not underestimating its power to catch me by surprise and recapture me.
 

Dungalef

Member
Thanks so much for the support, @Phineas 808! I always enjoy reading your posts. 🙂

Today is Day 60! It's an encouraging milestone for me, and I feel like I've built a solid foundation to work from now. I remember feeling this way on my last big streak, like I had successfully 'beaten' porn, essentially. It feels like so many of the harmful effects are mostly gone, and my thought patterns have reset. BUT what I'm learning from last time is that this doesn't mean I'm home free. While the effects may be fading the danger isn't gone yet! And in a sense it may never be gone. I'll always probably need to be diligent about porn subs, etc. No compromise, not even a little bit! There's no such thing as acceptable when it comes to this. There is infinite grace for mistakes, but every mistake DOES need to be dealt with so it doesn't escalate.
 

Skittelz

Member
Thanks so much for the support, @Phineas 808! I always enjoy reading your posts. 🙂

Today is Day 60! It's an encouraging milestone for me, and I feel like I've built a solid foundation to work from now. I remember feeling this way on my last big streak, like I had successfully 'beaten' porn, essentially. It feels like so many of the harmful effects are mostly gone, and my thought patterns have reset. BUT what I'm learning from last time is that this doesn't mean I'm home free. While the effects may be fading the danger isn't gone yet! And in a sense it may never be gone. I'll always probably need to be diligent about porn subs, etc. No compromise, not even a little bit! There's no such thing as acceptable when it comes to this. There is infinite grace for mistakes, but every mistake DOES need to be dealt with so it doesn't escalate.
I agree with you on this. Accepting compromise does lead to escalation.

But fuck yeah man! 60 days, you rock!

Keep it going
 

Dungalef

Member
Man, the urges are strong right now. Stronger than I've had in a while, maybe because I've had a couple incidents of riskyish behavior recently... (looked at imdb a bit on Monday, but it didn't go anywhere. also found myself focusing on the wrong sorts of pictures a bit, and checking out women on the street some.)

At this moment I'm home alone for a bit, and the things I was doing for fun were running out and not feeling fun anymore. CLASSIC context for me to escalate to sexual content...I find myself actually imagining it in ways I haven't in a while. I feel so much like I just want to open up reddit or something and browse for NSFW content. Even just writing that I feel the urge rising.

But there's no way in hell I'm throwing away my streak like that. I've got 60+ days under my belt, and I can weather this. So I'm feeling an urge, so what. I don't have to act on it. I'm not going to act on it. Those things that sound so nice to me right now WOULD give me a rush, but then I would feel like shit afterwards, and it would restart the long slow process of ruining my life. It's not real, and it never will be.

This is also a good warning sign for me that I need to be super careful right now, especially about the sort of risky behavior I mentioned earlier. As I said in my last post, NO COMPROMISE. Not gonna beat myself up, but I am going to take this time right now as confirmation that any little compromise opens a crack that urges can pour through later. Gotta seal up all those holes.

Anyway, I'm still at Day 62, and I plan on staying that way. Not going back to zero, not this close to 90.
 

Dungalef

Member
Day 63

Made it through yesterday. Man, not sure why the cravings were so bad yesterday, but it's a good reminder that I CAN get through them. In the past I have had an internal narrative that my success lasts only until the temptations ramp up past endurance. That's not the case, though. There is a way through to the other side, and I'm on it.
 

Dungalef

Member
Day 67

I have noticed that it continues to be tough not to objectify women on the street, now that weather is warmer and people are showing more skin... But I feel good about how I've been doing, and I haven't been having any of those little troubles on the computer that often beset me around this time.

I don't know if it's related to porn recovery (probably), but I've been noticing myself being really into my wife lately. 🙂 Not just wanting to have sex, but like, just enjoying all physical intimacy a lot. Wanting to kiss, cuddle, etc as well. Nothing like the real thing!
 

Dungalef

Member
Day 68

Almost to 70 now, but I plan to cruise past 70 on my way to 90. :) If I can hit 90, that'll be the longest streak I've had in ages, years maybe. Not sure how long, because for a long time i didn't count.

Anyway, life is pretty exhausting right now. Lots of travel (family, weddings, etc. Kinda vacation but not really) with our kids, and it's definitely a lot. The next few weeks should be slightly more stable though, since we're back home and can get back into routines here. Always need to be careful around transition times, though. I know that I often get into a funk right after getting back from a trip. Just noting that, so I know what's happening if I see an increase or change in cravings/urges.
 

Jaywon442

Member
Hey guys, this is my first time every posting in a forum like this. Been fighting this battle on my own for a long time (with occasional conversations with real-life friends, but not enough), and I need some encouragement and accountability. Would love to get some people who can check in on me here regularly!

I'll try to tell my story briefly...porn has been a part of my life since I was probably 12 years old or so. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but as a Christian it has been something that has always been very very shameful for me, hard to acknowledge and talk about. This is something I've done a lot of working through and have improved tremendously in, but I think the secrecy and shame around it for so long did a lot to make this harder for me. I have learned to receive the grace that God gives me, and to extend that to myself, but it's still not easy to remember that all the time.

Anyway, I'm a bit of a chronic relapser. Have had streaks where things have gone well, sometimes longer and sometimes shorter, but often shorter. Last December I had a shift in mindset where I just told myself...no, this is done. I managed to shift out of the fatalism I have felt for so long, into a real confidence that I could and would do this. Made it to almost 90 days before I started a slide downwards. Accepting more and more "little" things into my life until I was basically watching porn again, if not very often. Since then I've had a hard time making it past a couple of weeks, and I don't know how to get back into that confidence again. It was the first time in years that I really felt hope for conquering this, and I want to get there again. So here we go.

Any words of advice or encouragement, guys?
That's a good thing bro. You'll surely get pass this. You can message me on WhatsApp whenever you need assistance on your journey to immortality. +2348176125605.
 
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