Finally posting

Dungalef

Active Member
Feeling some urges right now...I'm working on the computer alone at a different house than usual right now, and it's a bit of a triggering environment. Definitely the sort of context where I would have turned to porn in the past, and it's hard to shake that feeling of it as an "opportunity." The reality is the "opportunity" is just a chance to tear myself apart, which isn't all that great haha.

I feel like I can ride these urges, though. Like I see them, and can acknowledge them, but I know I'm not a slave to them. I'll get through the other side, and I'll check in again tomorrow.
 

Dungalef

Active Member
Day 94

Had porn thoughts flitting through my head today... Started with me noticing women in real life and finding myself automatically undressing them in my mind, then started thinking of porn I've seen before. Kinda annoying how even after this long it can still come back like this and even sound attractive to me... Do these kinds of thoughts ever fade, or is it kinda just a way of life?
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey Dungalef,

I can definitely attest that it gets much better the further you go along on your recovery. Does it still happen to me? Yes it does, but in general a whole lot less. Of course, there is a difference between regular lusting or appreciating women and porn flashbacks popping in your head and you having little to no control over it. The latter WILL get better as you progress month by month and that's good news.

As far as noticing beautiful women in general, if you're a healthy man with a heartbeat, that's just going to happen and that's okay - in fact, I think getting worked up about it only makes it worse because then you voluntarily give up your power of self-control and start seeing "triggers" everywhere! Or worse, you start blaming women and start calling them whores and sluts and acting like every women is out there to tempt you! Yes our society is fucked up and overly sexualized, however, we men still have control. So let's start acting like it.

Things to keep in mind that I've learned so far about this.

1. Don't ogle women! Now I'm not saying you do this, but if you do, work to quit this bad habit immediately. Ogling only increases your lust, and it definitely won't win you any points with the fairer sex, especially your wife/partner. Going along with this point, there's a great difference between noticing a beautiful woman and looking for "HOT CHICKS!" I think we all know what I mean by that. The former could be a colleague, an attractive barista, a woman walking in from of you etc., the latter is literally being a douche and looking all around for hotties, or "scoping" as we use to call it!

2. The Two second rule, i.e. look once! There's nothing wrong with noticing a beautiful woman (hell, how could you not?), in fact, denying it might make your problems worse! So what do you do then? Well, when you see her walking about or whatever, thank God for the fairer sex and then mentally move on with your day. Don't us men have better things to do than fantasize about women we'll never have in our beds? If she's not ever going to be there, what's really the point of the exercise?

3.Also, try not to NOT think about lusting or a particular woman or a porn scene etc., but purposefully switch your mind to something else, a goal, a great hobby, your wife/partner, children, whatever, this is always better then putting up a FIGHT! One produces anxiety because you "Might screw up!" the other peace and joy because you're thinking of good and beautiful things. It's true, we are what we think.

4. Just imagine that these "HOT WOMEN" are also people, moms, daughters, wives etc. I can honestly say, this last one becomes easier and easier the further I get away from porn - thank God for that!

Do I do all of this perfectly? Absolutely not, and that's okay.

Best brother.

Blondie
 
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Dungalef

Active Member
Day 96

Thanks for the thoughts, Blondie! It makes a lot of sense, and helps me organize my own thoughts about it. Really, I think I already knew the answers to my question, I was just muddled and frustrated. The porn flashbacks will probably fade, but that won't automatically stop me from objectifying women. It helps, because it removes a negatively formative influence, but I still need to make good choices with my mind and eyes.

The reality is, I've spent hours and hours, decades even, looking for pictures of naked women... Training my brain to think of women as potential objects of pleasure. That kind of conditioning doesn't go away overnight. Might not ever go away tbh, not completely. I have to constantly CHOOSE to view women as people instead of just as bodies. Eventually I'll start developing good habits in the area, but it won't be automatic for a while.
 

Dungalef

Active Member
Home alone overnight for the first time in aaages. This has been a trigger for me in the past. I get excited about the free time to have fun, and then inevitably watching netflix by myself isn't as fun as I expected (lol) and I escalate to more dopamine, eventually ending with porn. I can feel the tug even now....eesh. Gonna stay strong, though. Feeling the urge is very different from needing to act on it. I don't have to, and WON'T act on it. I'll just chill, maybe watch an episode or two of a chill show or something, then go to bed. Will check in again tomorrow, or later tonight if it gets worse.
 

downhillfromhere

Well-Known Member
Those habits on how we act will change the way we think, over time. Being consistent in our choices will change the way our brain works, and while I admit that changing our attitudes on how we view women and other people is not something that will be fixed in a few months, over the long run I believe it will get better.

It’s inspirational to see you approach 100 days here, doing great!
 

N89

Member
Day 82

Been a tough couple of days relationally with my wife, and there have been moments where retreating into the safety of porn for comfort has sounded nice. But I haven't got close to tripping up, because it's easy right now to see how empty the promises of porn are. It's just trash, and w will only hurt me in the long run.
Been following you and reading your story word by word. I can definitely relate to you in so many ways. I’m only on page 7( your 82nd day ) and felt the need to say congrats and how awesome you are doing. Thanks for sharing your story brother.
 
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