how to motivate to Reboot ?

[Tubalcaine]

First of all english is not my native language so expect some mistakes.

I've diagnosed myself with PIED a week ago even if i probably got it way longer.
in a few month i got an appointment with an andrologist to check for physical problems but i'm pretty sure its in my head since i did all the test recommended here.

the thing is i never new that i got PIED for probably 4 years because my wife is asexual or has no desire for sex however you call it.
we are together for 10 years now and are married for 3 years, she is lovely and pure hearted but absolutly prudish.
for the first 5 years everything went fine, but whenever i got the desire i had to convince her, talk to her into it for hours, create the mood, just to be "headached" a lot(1-2 times a year i was successfull).
she never did the first step. anyway, at some time i came to the point that i had to decide to quit this or live with her the rest of my life, so i married her and to not "disturb" her with my desires i decided to go fulltime solo whenever i had the need to.

but now she want kids ... and i though we'll just continue where we stopped around 5 years ago just with more participation on her end but i couldnt get it hard.
for the first few month i just though "im not in mood that can happen, it worked perfecly fine the last few years just with myself".

but as i said, a week ago i came to the conclusion that may be not the case but my exessive consumption of P with MO (nothing wierd, just much, at least 1 times a day, 5 times at max when i had the time, sometimes for hours just out of boredom but allway with P.

Since i read a few of the recovery storys and how hard it seems to be i dont know how to motivate myself to go through the same.
i could do this for her to have kids but then i'm afraid that i come to the same point where it all begun.
to beg for the rest of my life to get lucky every few month or to quit sex for the rest of my life, she cant change, we talked about this a lot.
it probably wont become better with kids.

i play games a lot, and on my spare time i'm one some imageboards for memes mainly, these are my main hobbys since i can think and in both activities its hard to avoid every P. i tried to avoid everything P related for one week now and its not possible, so i would have to change my whole life forever for ... a not very fulfilling future since i dont want to leave or betray my wife.

 

[Ezel]

The fact that you don't want to cheat on her or leave her, and doing your thing solo without her cuz clearly she is not into it, shows that you are a good man.

I'm not going to give you a relationship advice(whether you should leave or stay with her), like you said you love her so much, but to live with a woman that sees sex just as a way to make babies no more no less, well It's though man...

You be the judge on that one...

However, if you want to leave porn, first you gotta do something about those triggers that you see while you play games, that's how you start, and then build your way up by abstaining from porn as long as you can with the goal in mind.

I understand your situation, she doesn't want to have sex, and you don't want to cheat on her, so the only option that's left is for you to watch porn. But porn is not the solution my friend, look where it got you, 99% the pied that you got is because of it, since the physical tests showed nothing wrong with your body.

Like you said it's in your head and leaving porn is what will get you cured from pied...

If you lack the motivation it's because probably you need to educate yourself on what you are dealing with (porn), I recommend you read the book by Gary Wilson " your brain on porn", that will get you started as it did for me and so many members in RN.

Just start and educate yourself, this will get you up and running, as they say momentum builds momentum.

Keep us updated with your journey...

 

[Tubalcaine]

i'm a little hesistant to continue writing because i dont want to demotivate anyone.
there are some ppl struggeling here but doing an obviously good thing.

I've read through the "your brain on porn" website an wanted to order the book on amazon but then i read an interesting review, that said it doesnt really discuss the problems that drives you to this exessiv behavior and how to solve them which is kind of my problem, but there are probably other books that tackle this.
thank you for this recomendation anyway.

I'm willing to doing the 3 month complete abstinence from anything P related until my appointment, but since im just a week in but already feel the urge to go back i noticed i need to find a long way goal to hold on to.

i probably just want to hear that there is a compromise, thats okay to consume a little bit of P without getting a ED after you are "cured" like most ppl but everybody here who was somewhat successfull said you have to go full in forever or its gonna be way harder.
like in your signature "Burn the boats, Go all in, No plan B."

somewhere out there is my Plan A i just have to read more.