Today was great. Very little anxiety, and I've been extremely calm. Today I felt more like myself, like my old self before porn entered into my story. I love history, and documentaries. Today I watched a few, and I got so much genuine enjoyment out of them. I had forgotten how much I liked them. Tomorrow makes day 14. 2 weeks.
What is porn?
Porn is like a tick. It sucks the life out of you, your hobbies, your happiness, your heart and soul. It gives no mercy, no grace and never ever gives you back a return for the time you've spent on it. It can make you lose yourself. It can make you become someone that you never even imagined that you would be, as well as make the road back look darker and even farther away then you imagined. It doesn't love you back, and no, it doesn't care that you exist. It doesn't care if you spend 5 minutes or 5 hours watching, and long as it can get it's hooks into you. That's what porn is to me at least. It's never worth it. I've never got done with porn and thought "ya know I'm really satisfied and really happy." It's always the opposite. Just something I thought up.
Wow. Today has been unlike any other day I have had in a really long time. I was calm all day. Had very little anxiety or worry. Tonight, music sounds better and I feel just a deep emotion and feeling of appreciation. This randomly came to me tonight. This day has been a turning point in the best of ways. I can't tell you all, how amazing it is to wake up with a clear mind that isn't feeling awful because of a 3am relapse. I'm definitely finding freedom. I'm rediscovering myself again.
In the end, no matter the flatline, the morons who don't understand, and the ups and downs of this life, nothing compares to the freedom of being porn free. All else is superfluous and matters not when you know you've conquered your demons.