Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

Today was just odd. I had urges to M and O all day. But no porn urges. Now I feel tired and just blah. It could be worse though. I could still be struggling with pmo and wondering how to get out. Thankfully I'm not. Day 19 tomorrow. Can't believe it.
 
Day 19. Had my first wet dream since I began this journey last night. Thankfully, it was only a dream. Mornings are becoming my favorite time of day again. They used to be, before pmo entered into my life. But during these last 2 weeks, waking up is fun because of how much better I feel, and how free I feel in my mind. Truly feel so blessed.
 
Today I M'd and O'd twice, without any artificial sexual stimulation. Something hit me today, that has held me back for so long. See, when I first rebooted in 2019 I thought that if I M'd and O'd, even without porn that it was a complete relapse. So over the last 3 years, when I would do that I would be so down that I would give into the porn beast. I can't tell you how many porn relapses could have been avoided, had I known about hard mode and classic mode and easy mode and so on. Today a weight fell off my shoulders. So tomorrow is 21 days PORN FREE. Almost one month in. I also realized, that when I did M and O without porn, that I didn't feel like garbage like I have in the past after a porn session. Just wanted to update you all. Looking forward to tomorrow.
 
Day 21. 3 weeks without porn in my life, and I have not felt this good in the longest time. My anxiety is completely gone. After years and years, of being anxious all the time and worrying, I have finally broke free. I wake up now, and feel so much better. I actually want to get up and begin the day. It's the best motivation to keep me away from porn for the rest of my life.
 
Think I've entered the flatline today. Groggy, I've had a persistent headache all morning, I could care less right now about pmo. Just have no energy. Tried listening to some music, but felt disconnected and really no enjoyment out of it. If this isn't the flatline, the it's a distant relative.
 
Relapsed tonight. Made it to day 22. I'm not upset, nor am I letting this get me down. Gonna get up in the morning and begin again. No sense in being upset about something I can't change. I'm gonna learn from it, and move forward.
 
This has been the worst day. I feel awful mentally. I have 0 motivation, I have feelings of sadness. Just wanna do nothing. My soldier down there, hurts and feels weird. Just the worst day. At least day 1 is almost over. I think I have relapsed myself into a flatline.
 
Today was a lot like yesterday. Just no energy. I felt sad and just unmotivated. On the bright side, I did some push-ups because I had the urge to M and the urge was gone by the time the push-ups were done. So that's a win. Gotta get through this pain, to get to the freedom on the other side.
 
Day 3. No pmo hard mode.
Some anxiety this morning, which is disappointing. But I know that if I stick with the reboot, that it will decrease. I had a long soul searching moment last night. I came to the conclusion that this is the end of the road for me and pmo. It will never give me the life that I want, it will only rob me of the life that I want, and the person that I want to be. I've never been happy after a pmo session. I've always felt the same loneliness and the same dissatisfaction. It's amazing the difference between the amped up feeling you get before you watch it, and the extreme loneliness you feel after. I just wanna reboot. I wanna do it on hard mode, and finally defeat this beast once and for all.
 
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