Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Today I had a victory. I had the opportunity to relapse. I had an urge that was quite intense, instead I thought "I could do this. But I'm not going to." I went outside and got some fresh air. Did some deep breathing, and then came back in and looked at a book. The urge went away. I've never done that before, I always allowed my mind and the urge to overrule me and my rational thinking. I'm so proud.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Well guys I hate to tell you this, but I relapsed tonight. I didn't binge, and I know what happened and what I can do to avoid it next time. Sucks because today I got through that urge, and ended up messing up anyway. This is a learning opportunity. Also, I'm not gonna count days anymore. I'm just gonna count months. I'll be on here daily, to offer support and encouragement but I won't be adding a day counter. I know I will put this problem behind me once and for all one day soon. Love you all. Thank you for the continued support. It means so much.
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
Sorry to hear about this freedom, try to figure out what triggered you to go back, the strong urge you had, it was caused by what exactly??! Did you see or hear something that made the urge strongly overwhelming for you?! Whatever it is look when it went down for you??!
Then on this new streak of yours, eliminate those triggers immediately, whatever they might be ( insta models, hotties on yt...) ..

Another thing is about your daily counter, i hope you are not tricking yourself telling you now that you're not obligated by it let's go binge watch porn, don't do it man. It will just make things worse, you know this man better than I do...
But I understand your choice, you do what makes sense for you, as long as you don't go back to Pornland then you are doing great 😃👍
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Sorry to hear this Freedom.

I would stress you might be "failing" at one moment in time, but you're learning things about yourself that will last a life time!

It's the journey in its totality that is important here , not one bad day or a few bad days, or fuck 4000 bad days! (yours truly).

If you don't want to count days, no problem, you do you. But remember, you've had some great streaks recently, and if you add those together, that is the NEW MAN you've become, not the old one that screwed up a few days.

So add those streaks up and look in the mirror and say "Fuck yeah, I did that shit!" and keep on moving on.

Best

Blondie

Porn user: "Why do my eyes hurt?"

New life: "You've never used them before."
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
On the evening of day 1.
Most of today, I have felt lethargic and tired. But earlier, I felt that it was finally time to stop feeling sorry for myself and get back on the path. A relapse can really make you feel the most intense shame and sense of failure. I felt that last night.
Last night was an impulsive act, I didn't do anything to get the urge off of my mind. I literally stopped eating to watch it. I mean, really dude? (Talking to myself). I know deep down, that I am so much better then that. I don't know what the next few days hold, but I really feel like I can get through this relapse and get this problem behind me once and for all.
 
F

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Today was almost the perfect day. I worked out, did my daily chores, read, worked on my faith and got through an urge to MO by reminding myself that I would most likely go back to porn if I did it and then I'd be back to square one day one again.

Today I also had a moment of healing, I began to struggle with porn due to loss and grief. I've lost a lot of friends over the years, and it really crushed my self worth and self confidence. When they would leave, I felt used and taken advantage of so I would watch porn. One of the friends that I lost in 2019, hurt me so badly. She just made me feel so used. I struggled with that. With the grief and the feelings of loss, but also with the feelings of being left once again and being completely taken advantage of and used. Today, she crossed my mind. It was a conversation that we had in 2019. It was funny. I laughed at it today. I smiled and realized that even if it did end badly, we still had an amazing friendship for the most part. She's actually the reason why I began trying to quit porn in 2019 and made it to over 100 days. So without her, I wouldn't be on this forum and I'd probably be so bad off that it's hard to even begin to imagine. I have gone from mad, to angry, to sad to happy with her a lot over the years. But today it was pure joy. I was finally able to let that pain go and forgive her completely. It's so freeing. Just wanted to share that with you all today.
 
I

IamTrying

Member
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 said:
Today was almost the perfect day. I worked out, did my daily chores, read, worked on my faith and got through an urge to MO by reminding myself that I would most likely go back to porn if I did it and then I'd be back to square one day one again.

Today I also had a moment of healing, I began to struggle with porn due to loss and grief. I've lost a lot of friends over the years, and it really crushed my self worth and self confidence. When they would leave, I felt used and taken advantage of so I would watch porn. One of the friends that I lost in 2019, hurt me so badly. She just made me feel so used. I struggled with that. With the grief and the feelings of loss, but also with the feelings of being left once again and being completely taken advantage of and used. Today, she crossed my mind. It was a conversation that we had in 2019. It was funny. I laughed at it today. I smiled and realized that even if it did end badly, we still had an amazing friendship for the most part. She's actually the reason why I began trying to quit porn in 2019 and made it to over 100 days. So without her, I wouldn't be on this forum and I'd probably be so bad off that it's hard to even begin to imagine. I have gone from mad, to angry, to sad to happy with her a lot over the years. But today it was pure joy. I was finally able to let that pain go and forgive her completely. It's so freeing. Just wanted to share that with you all today.
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You are definitely on the right track, Freedom!. keep going
 
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