downhillfromhere
Well-Known Member
Don’t let it get to you. You’re right, only way out is through. Keep pushing! 
Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired
- Thread starter FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
- Start date
Blondie
Respected Member
Push through Freedom.
No time like the present to lift the old middle finger to Mr. P.
Sorry about your depression etc., this too shall pass.
Best brother
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Hey guys, I'm gonna be taking some time away from the forum. I relapsed again tonight. I get on a good streak and then I let it fall down. Getting off of hard mode always makes the porn beast come at me with the strongest of urges. It's like if you give it an inch, it'll take a mile every time. I'll come back in a week or 2 after I get myself together. I'm sorry to those of you that continue to support me through all of these relapses. Some day soon. I will overcome this. Talk to everyone later. Love you all.
Blondie
Respected Member
There's no reason for any apologies Freedom. You haven't let me down or anyone down for that matter. What you're trying to do, and what everyone is trying to do, is very difficult, thus why we're all here. You might be focusing too much on the "days" and not on the process, and what it takes to get through the hard times. Though you've had some "slip ups" you're still making progress, and that's all that matters in the end. At this moment, you're still looking at porn considerably less than you did before, and that is to be commended. You need to focus on this, and not the few slip ups you've had over the last months. You should count up all the days you've been free from porn altogether because that would be really encouraging.
Sure, maybe it would be more "bad ass" to stop cold turkey and never look at porn again, but that's just not how it works, at least for most of us. In fact, the more I think about it, it's pretty bad ass to watch a fighter get his ass kicked over and over again, while continuing to get back up until he throws that final defeating blow. We all know that's the fight to watch!
Yes, doing MO is often a trigger for going all the way, thus, why for many of us, we have to cut that out completely. However, now you know what works for you and what does not for next time. It is important to remember, relapses are not "failures", they are just ways to gain real time feedback on what you need to do for next time.
Do what you need to do. Take off for a few weeks if you must, I completely understand. However, whatever you do, don't binge, because that WILL set you back.
Best Freedom.
Love Blondie
Sure, maybe it would be more "bad ass" to stop cold turkey and never look at porn again, but that's just not how it works, at least for most of us. In fact, the more I think about it, it's pretty bad ass to watch a fighter get his ass kicked over and over again, while continuing to get back up until he throws that final defeating blow. We all know that's the fight to watch!
Yes, doing MO is often a trigger for going all the way, thus, why for many of us, we have to cut that out completely. However, now you know what works for you and what does not for next time. It is important to remember, relapses are not "failures", they are just ways to gain real time feedback on what you need to do for next time.
Do what you need to do. Take off for a few weeks if you must, I completely understand. However, whatever you do, don't binge, because that WILL set you back.
Best Freedom.
Love Blondie
Last edited:
Beautiful1973
Active Member
What a lovely supportive commentThere's no reason for any apologies Freedom. You haven't let me down or anyone down for that matter. What you're trying to do, and what everyone is trying to do, is very difficult, thus why we're all here. You might be focusing too much on the "days" and not on the process, and what it takes to get through the hard times. Though you've had some "slip ups" you're still making progress, and that's all that matters in the end. At this moment, you're still looking at porn considerably less than you did before, and that is to be commended. You need to focus on this, and not the few slip ups you've had over the last months. You should count up all the days you've been free from porn altogether because that would be really encouraging.
Sure, maybe it would be more "bad ass" to stop cold turkey and never look at porn again, but that's just not how it works, at least for most of us. In fact, the more I think about it, it's pretty bad ass to watch a fighter get his ass kicked over and over again, while continuing to get back up until he throws that final defeating blow. We all know that's the fight to watch!
Yes, doing MO is often a trigger for going all the way, thus, why for many of us, we have to cut that out completely. However, now you know what works for you and what does not for next time. It is important to remember, relapses are not "failures", they are just ways to gain real time feedback on what you need to do for next time.
Do what you need to do. Take off for a few weeks if you must, I completely understand. However, whatever you do, don't binge, because that WILL set you back.
Best Freedom.
Love Blondie
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Day 2. Hard mode. Today I'm feeling very unmotivated and lethargic. No drive to do anything. It began yesterday afternoon. Talked to my two best friends about my relapse, and I now have 2 accountability partners. They both reassured me that they love and support me no matter what. Which is so freeing. I appreciate all the love you all showed me as well. So many of you know the pain of multiple relapses. So I know that I am not alone. Thank you @Blondie for the really supportive reply. You're an incredible source of motivation, and someone that so many of us look up to. I look forward to reaching your milestones one day in the future. Time to get back at it.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Definitely feel like I'm in the flatline. I've never flatlined on day 1 before so I'm actually glad that I don't have to wait on it. I worked out today and it was okay but nothing like it usually is. Nothing excites me. I feel completely indifferent about everything. I don't have a dead penis, but it does feel slightly numb and I don't have the desire to do anything with it. At this point, I'm just surrendering and whatever happens, will happen. Let's go day 3 tomorrow.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Day 3. Feeling better today and I had some MW this morning. It's all so confusing, because I felt so bad yesterday and was so sure that I was in the flatline. This is all making me think that I'm not as bad off as I thought addiction wise or brain health wise when it comes to the damage pmo has done. Also my on again off again relationship with it probably has helped me not get back to 2019 issues. I was using pmo nightly in 2019 and had been since 2016. Now as you know, I can go 2 weeks to a month without it until of course, an impulsive trigger shows up. We are all different, and so are our brains and stories. Gonna keep staying away from pmo and just not worry about it.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Today was decent. Tonight I feel depressed and angry. Most likely withdrawal symptoms. Just not good at all. I've felt this since Monday. Tonight is the worst of it. Porn did this to me. It doesn't love me or care about me.
Ezel
Well-Known Member
you got that right my friend, stay away, it's not worth it at all.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Day 4. I was thinking yesterday, since I joined this forum, I have gone 19 days, 31 days, and a few numbers in between those without pmo. In 2019, I stopped for 113 days. I had been using it for at least 2 and a half years almost nightly. Quitting for 113 days, was the most difficult thing I have ever done. I had moodswings and I cried and was a mess. Before that, I could get to maybe day 15 before I would relapse. Now I can get to 2 or 3 weeks before an urge even comes to me. I was thinking that maybe 2019 broke the severity of the addiction that I had and that the one I have now is more mild. I'm able to go 2 or 3 even 4 weeks without even an urge. And my life and mental health always improves drastically. Instead of using nightly, I relapse and use every 2-3/4 weeks. I'm not sure. Just my thoughts. Hope everyone has an amazing day.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Good morning, everyone. I have decided to try something different. I'm going to experiment with not counting days or worrying about anything pmo related during this reboot. I will be posting my progress when I hit every month that I am pmo free. I'll still be on here daily, so I can support those who have supported me throughout these last few months. I'm just gonna live my life, be happy and if urges, withdrawal symptoms or the flatline come upon me, I will deal with them then. I'm done worrying about this and stressing over it. Pmo wants me to do that, so that I continue to go back to it. Not happening anymore. Thank you all for your continued support.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Very anxious and slightly depressed today. Yesterday I was also anxious. I keep replaying things in my mind that I'm anxious about.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Thanks pal. It just means things are working and I'm getting better.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Good news is I feel much better today. Low anxiety and not any depression. I slept better last night. This marks the end of a week of anxiety, mild depression and some insomnia. Glad to be out of it.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Thanks pal. My libido is still garbage. Could care less about anything sexual. That part of me is gone. It's missing. Nonexistent.