Don’t let it get to you. You’re right, only way out is through. Keep pushing!
Push through Freedom.This afternoon has been difficult. Stress and anxiety and I'm beginning to feel depressed and just crappy. The flatline seems to be here. I thought It was the other day, but that turned out to be a false alarm. Only way out is through.
What a lovely supportive commentThere's no reason for any apologies Freedom. You haven't let me down or anyone down for that matter. What you're trying to do, and what everyone is trying to do, is very difficult, thus why we're all here. You might be focusing too much on the "days" and not on the process, and what it takes to get through the hard times. Though you've had some "slip ups" you're still making progress, and that's all that matters in the end. At this moment, you're still looking at porn considerably less than you did before, and that is to be commended. You need to focus on this, and not the few slip ups you've had over the last months. You should count up all the days you've been free from porn altogether because that would be really encouraging.
Sure, maybe it would be more "bad ass" to stop cold turkey and never look at porn again, but that's just not how it works, at least for most of us. In fact, the more I think about it, it's pretty bad ass to watch a fighter get his ass kicked over and over again, while continuing to get back up until he throws that final defeating blow. We all know that's the fight to watch!
Yes, doing MO is often a trigger for going all the way, thus, why for many of us, we have to cut that out completely. However, now you know what works for you and what does not for next time. It is important to remember, relapses are not "failures", they are just ways to gain real time feedback on what you need to do for next time.
Do what you need to do. Take off for a few weeks if you must, I completely understand. However, whatever you do, don't binge, because that WILL set you back.
Definitely feel like I'm in the flatline. I've never flatlined on day 1 before so I'm actually glad that I don't have to wait on it. I worked out today and it was okay but nothing like it usually is. Nothing excites me. I feel completely indifferent about everything. I don't have a dead penis, but it does feel slightly numb and I don't have the desire to do anything with it. At this point, I'm just surrendering and whatever happens, will happen. Let's go day 3 tomorrow.Day 2. Hard mode. Today I'm feeling very unmotivated and lethargic. No drive to do anything. It began yesterday afternoon. Talked to my two best friends about my relapse, and I now have 2 accountability partners. They both reassured me that they love and support me no matter what. Which is so freeing. I appreciate all the love you all showed me as well. So many of you know the pain of multiple relapses. So I know that I am not alone. Thank you @Blondie for the really supportive reply. You're an incredible source of motivation, and someone that so many of us look up to. I look forward to reaching your milestones one day in the future. Time to get back at it.