Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

Well, don't beat yourself up about it too much. I've been there, probably still am in some regards. The fact of the matter is, you can't shame yourself out of this habit. You can't do it for a woman (or a future woman!) nor for God (I tried!) or for how bad the industry treats women and men. At the end of the day, you can only do it for yourself. I've tried all those things, which are all good by the way, but it never worked, because I wasn't doing it for myself.

Women can leave or breakup (luckily God doesn't! ;)) and the world will always be what it always was, but YOU have to live with yourself everyday for the rest of your days. Shame might have the power to make your cry, but it has not the power to make you quit. That power lies within yourself brother, if only you're willing to see it.

Best

Blondie
Thank you @Blondie. You're right. I have to want to quit with every fiber of my being. So much that no urge can break me. Those things can motivate me, but they can't do it for me or make me do it. I have to be the one to do that.
 
PMO free once again today. Hard mode. Got hit with some tiredness today. I'd rather be tired than watching porn. Lol. Gonna just embrace whatever comes my way. Because the bad things that come with the reboot, are just leading to the good things.

The insomnia: will one day lead to better sleep
The anxiety: will one day lead to a clear and sharp mind
The depression: will one day lead to unbelievable happiness
The flatline: will one day lead to freedom from porn and all the destruction it causes.

Often times we dread the withdrawal symptoms and the flatline. I am at the top of that list. But I've learned to just embrace it. Surrender and realize "this is where I am today. This is how I feel and I feel this way, because I'm getting better." It helps and makes everything a little easier. Even though I have relapsed so many times, I keep coming back. Why? Because that one more time I come back may be the one where I finally put it all together and leave pmo behind forever.
Hope everyone is having a great pmo free afternoon.
 
You know, its funny all the times I've rationalized looking at porn. Instead of figuring out a way to deal with the urge or the flashback I was having, I'd allow it to hook me, pull me in and corrupt me with it's lies of pleasure. The only problem is, the pleasure only lasts a minute, and then the shame, regret and frustration started to settle in. You're still alone and the person you just watched has no Idea that you exist. It's sad really. That just makes stopping that much more important. PMO will never give us the lives that we want. It will take from our lives and give us nothing but emptiness in return.
 
Last night I had bad insomnia with a few urges. I've been working out like crazy since I began this reboot last week. I'm feeling better because of it. I usually get hit with heavy cravings in weeks 2 and 3 so look out for my 3am posts about those. Lol. All in all, it's been relatively normal. I have more clarity today and my anxiety isn't terrible. I'm learning to work with my brain instead of against it. If I have anxiety, I just let it be. I don't fight or run. That only makes it worse. I just continue on with my day and try not to give it any attention and eventually, it goes away. Really I've been my best self these last few days. I've been doing things that I used to that made me happy. Just gotta keep up the healthy habits and stay away from pmo at all costs.
 
Feeling amazing today. I'm porn free, so of course I would feel amazing. I feel so energetic and happy. Last night, I wanted to test myself to see how far off I am and if I have any pied. I was able to get 50-60% hard by myself. It took 2-3 minutes though. I didn't have to use any porn
fantasy, but I did think about someone I used to like. Idk if that's bad or not. It just told me that I need more time. I'm just thankful that I'm not that far gone. Gonna give it a break for a month while continuing to stay away from porn and see how it goes. After that, I may quit MO forever. Who knows. I just know that porn will never make me happy. These last few days, have shown me that I can be better and I can do things and be happy with the simple things in my life. I don't need a screen to blunt my emotions. If you fill your life and days up with things that are healthy and happy, the need for escaping goes down. Like working out for example, I actually want to do that now. When before, I did, but it took me talking myself into it. Now I want to, because it helps me feel so much better. The road to here, the relapses and the struggles and the late nights of being frustrated. The anxiety over hard mode and the unkindess that I gave myself are all just stepping stones to where I'm going. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see the finish line. Give. Up. Porn. Forever. No matter how long it takes. No matter how many relapses you have. I've had at least 20, since I went 113 days in 2019. You don't realize, how empty porn makes your life until you stop. Hope everyone has an amazing day. Stay porn free.
 
A week without porn and day 1 of no MO.
Today was great. Continuing to do the things that make me happy. Continuing to ask myself how I can be better the next day. So far, my cravings to use porn are virtually nonexistent. But I don't need to get too excited, because an urge could always pop up. I'll be ready when it does. I have this confidence now, that I didn't have before. I'm not sure why, or where it comes from but I like it. I don't feel sorry for myself anymore, I don't feel trapped in the cycle of pmo anymore. This last week, especially the last few days I've woken up with the desire to just be my best self, and do the things that help me succeed. It's like you finally find the key that unlocks the door. I truly feel that this is the reboot that does it for me forever. Just gotta keep going.
 
Never. Going. Back. To. That. Garbage. Today makes 10 days since I last viewed porn. I've had a few minor flashbacks, but they go away after a few seconds. During the last almost 2 weeks, I have been working out regularly. I've been putting my time and my efforts into healthy things and things that make me happy. Mentally I'm in such a better place and mood. All the years of struggling have got me to where I am today. It's just 10 days, but I'm so happy. So so happy.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Porn is worse than breaking out in hives,
Because it utterly destroys us men's lives!
Allergies come and go like the sun,
But porn will do more damage than a gun!
While a gun will end your life as sure as you know it
Porn wants your very soul, but at least now you know it!
O Freedom may you rise now from your struggle,
to defeat porn once and for all, leaving it as rubble!

lol have a great porn-free weekend my man!
 
Tomorrow makes 20 days without porn. This so far has been the most life giving reboot I've had since I began this journey in 2019. I'm finally growing in the ways that I've always wanted to, and I'm actually putting in the work and the effort to do so. Tomorrow I'm beginning 1 month of no MO and no fantasy. Truly feel better every morning when I wake up. I appreciate the continued support.
 
3 weeks porn free today. Feeling so much more calm. Working out more. Doing more things for my own happiness, instead of allowing porn to ruin my happiness. Finally ready to step completely into the best version of myself and move to the next level of maturity in my life. I'm feeling so so blessed today. No anxiety no stress. Just peace and gratitude. Thank you everyone.

21 days no porn
2 days no MO
 
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