Thank you @Blondie. You're right. I have to want to quit with every fiber of my being. So much that no urge can break me. Those things can motivate me, but they can't do it for me or make me do it. I have to be the one to do that.Well, don't beat yourself up about it too much. I've been there, probably still am in some regards. The fact of the matter is, you can't shame yourself out of this habit. You can't do it for a woman (or a future woman!) nor for God (I tried!) or for how bad the industry treats women and men. At the end of the day, you can only do it for yourself. I've tried all those things, which are all good by the way, but it never worked, because I wasn't doing it for myself.
Women can leave or breakup (luckily God doesn't! ) and the world will always be what it always was, but YOU have to live with yourself everyday for the rest of your days. Shame might have the power to make your cry, but it has not the power to make you quit. That power lies within yourself brother, if only you're willing to see it.