Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

Woke up this morning ready to experience life. I have no idea how to put what I'm feeling into proper words or context, but I feel like a man who was trapped in a very deep fog and all of a sudden, he finds his way out and into the warmth of the most beautiful day. My life is opening up. I'm beginning to change, to socialize more, to feel more, to crave the simplest of things. Just feeling a morning breeze is the most amazing thing now. I began this reboot as a boy, I will continue it as a man free of pmo.
 

SajithKR

Member
Day 1: I am trying hard to stop it for past 5 years after 30years. I have successfully stayed away for more than 3 months in the initial stages. Now the relapse frequency is going up and not lasting more than 3-10 days. I am 43 years old and has family with two kids in teenage. No one in the family seems to know about my problem. No one knows about it as far as I know. I am doing good in my job and does lot of meditation and is spiritual. My porn adiction is not helping me in my spiritual journey. My social life is kind of zero with no close friends just pretending to live a perfect life with no other bad habits. I wonder what will happen to me when some one in family finds out. I have no one that I can talk about this. Feels good to express my feelings here.
 
It's amazing that tomorrow makes 1 month since I last watched porn of any kind. I'm so thankful for this reboot, because it's been the best so far out of all of my prior attempts. I'm working out more and they are getting better with every session. I'm going out and socializing more, when I'm usually very introverted. I'm working on my faith and my friendships. I'm learning about discipline and delayed gratification. I'm doing things that make me so happy. I'm not letting my mind go to a place that allows porn a vote at the table. My anxiety and stress levels have decreased significantly since I began. I'm just so blessed and so thankful. Looking forward to month 2 so I can take what I've begun to build and build it even higher. Also, gonna stop fapping and fantasy as well beginning today. Why waste time on that stuff, when I could be out here crushing it? Instead of indulging in a fantasy about a girl that doesn't know I exist, maybe I should go and find someone who is actually physically there. Lol. Love you guys so much. Thank you @Blondie @Ezel @Recovery Will Come @Beautiful1973 @downhillfromhere and @Gabe Deem you all continue to inspire me daily. Thank you for that.
 

Beautiful1973

Active Member
My life is opening up
This line made my day @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 isn't it incredible that you can feel such a positive change after 30 days......although they do say that it takes 30 days to form a new habit, so maybe there is something in that??? Anyway congratulations on your achievements so far and I look forward to following the rest of your journey.
 

SajithKR

Member
Day 3: The urge came back as I was working from home. A bit cold day. I had so much work, but did not know how to do it. With no direction, porn seems to be easy way out of the stress. I quickly decided to go to office and got dressed. This changed everything. One more day without porn.
 
Day 32 of 90 porn free. Up and really feeling great. With every day, my confidence in my ability to change and be my best self grows more and more. My mind is so clear and so free. Before this, it was always filled with anxious thoughts and worries about the smallest situations. My stress is down, I was always stressing out about something lol. I even stressed about hard mode. Lol. My urges to view porn have all but gone away completely. I get the random flashback every other day or so, but it's gotten to the point to where I don't feed the monster and it eventually will go away. Had decent morning wood this morning as well, and my sleep is better and I wake up better. Feeling so blessed and more confident in myself than I've ever been.
32 days porn free.
4 days MO free.
 

SajithKR

Member
Day 6: Had a stressful day. So, wanted to relax with some movies. Did not see any exciting movies, and then I started scrolling. Some erotic movies showed up. Took some effort to stop scrolling and not seeing the movie. Technically it may not be porn but I have read and also experienced that this will delay or derail my recovery. What helped me is the thought that I will not be able to share my success here in this forum. Now I have someone to share my success with, otherwise, it is a lonely fight. So I will keep updating here and liking others' updates.
 
Can't believe it's been almost 50 days since I last viewed porn. I'm so proud of myself, and the growth that I have experienced in the last 47 days. However, I wanna go to the next level. The next level for me is 150 days on hard mode. I've always wanted to get there, but I've always fallen short. But not this time. I'm committing to 150 days hard mode starting tomorrow. No more excuses. Thank you @Blondie @Ezel @Recovery Will Come @downhillfromhere @IamTrying @Beautiful1973 & @Gabe Deem for continuing to inspire me daily. My recovery story continues to be written with every porn free day.
 

SajithKR

Member
Day 20. No Porn till now. Not reached this stage for a long time. I used to always relapse in 10-12 days. It is hard, there is too much urge. I am taking all my strength, not to fall for it. I am inspired by @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 success. The new bedtime settings on my phone is helping. It turns the screen to black-and-white mode at bedtime. So it reminds me to sleep and even if I watch something in black-and-white mode, it does not trigger the urge. Just mentioning it so that it might help someone.
 
Day 20. No Porn till now. Not reached this stage for a long time. I used to always relapse in 10-12 days. It is hard, there is too much urge. I am taking all my strength, not to fall for it. I am inspired by @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 success. The new bedtime settings on my phone is helping. It turns the screen to black-and-white mode at bedtime. So it reminds me to sleep and even if I watch something in black-and-white mode, it does not trigger the urge. Just mentioning it so that it might help someone.
Keep going man. Grateful I could inspire you.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Lol I just did the same thing @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11, that black and white thinking will kill us. I was just watching workout videos and getting tips on the bench press, and low and behold, there was a picture of a girl in yoga pants, and I stopped to look for 2 seconds - something I don't do really at all these days. Then suddenly my mind told me, well, might as well go all the way! No thanks.

Let us never listen to our minds, especially when they lie to us!

Best brother.
 
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