Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

I wanna post again about something I deleted this morning. @Blondie commented after I took it down. I feel like all of us see something during our reboots that try to make us think we relapsed so that we will use it to justify having a full blown relapse because "Hey I might as well right? I just saw this picture or this movie scene or this ad."
For me, it's always scenes in shows or movies. Makeout/ love scenes, or girls wearing things in commercials that make me wanna not look away. I watch a lot of bar rescue for example, and sometimes some of the girls on there are dressed in a way to get my head to turn. In these moments, my old self, my addicted brain tries to make a comeback. He wants to come back out for an encore. He wants to have a freebird moment type of singalong. For a long time, I was very unkind to myself. I worried myself to death thinking I failed. Constantly thinking I relapsed because I saw something in a show or online. I've since come to the conclusion, that I can't ignore and avoid those things in life. At some point, I'll be in a movie theater and a scene will come on and I'm gonna have to sit there. At some point, an ad will pop up and I'm gonna have to see it in order to click away. In those moments, I give myself grace. I remember and remind myself that I'm a different person now. I no longer use porn. I'm trying daily to be kinder to myself. I hope someone who needs to see this will get something out of it. Be kind to yourself during recovery. Your future self will thank you. Above all, love yourself.
 
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IamTrying

Member
Can't believe it's been almost 50 days since I last viewed porn. I'm so proud of myself, and the growth that I have experienced in the last 47 days. However, I wanna go to the next level. The next level for me is 150 days on hard mode. I've always wanted to get there, but I've always fallen short. But not this time. I'm committing to 150 days hard mode starting tomorrow. No more excuses. Thank you @Blondie @Ezel @Recovery Will Come @downhillfromhere @IamTrying @Beautiful1973 & @Gabe Deem for continuing to inspire me daily. My recovery story continues to be written with every porn free day.
Proud of you, brother.
 

SajithKR

Member
Day 24. No Porn till now. So much stress in holding me back. Sometimes I start to wonder if it is worth it. Can't I just enjoy myself without hurting anyone in the world? Can I at least see the American Pi movie? I actually started the movie and then switched off within a minute and started typing here. Writing out my emotions in this space does help.
 

Scoobasteve

New Member
Day 1....again for the 100th time. I got to day 14, until yesterday when I binged yet again. Another night of being up until 3am. Waking up feeling exhausted and like garbage. Guys, I can't do this anymore. None of the porn I watched yesterday made me feel anything satisfying. Actually, I felt numb to it. Like you would seeing the same movie for the 200th time. I am not the best version of myself, and the old me would look at this current version of myself and just shake his head. I have to change and it has to be now. So, today I am starting my reboot. No more pmo. I will find myself again. I've truly lost myself in this addiction. I will win. I will conquer. This is only the beginning.
Im sorry to here that. Dont be to hard on yourself remeber you went 14 days, its about progress not perfection dont beat yourself up you doing better just by realizing that you slip and you want to start over. Its my first day ill start with you!!!
 
Back to day 0 beginning tomorrow. Had a PMO relapse tonight. I've never felt so unsatisfied after watching something then I did tonight. I was free for almost 2 months, and after it was over I looked at myself and at my situation and thought "why am I doing this? This holds nothing for me anymore." It was disgusting and not satisfying at all. Not beating myself up over it, just moving forward and going to begin again tomorrow.
 
Day 1. No pmo hard mode. Last night I had a flashback that ended up turning into something I couldn't say no to. That's on me. I didn't put my best self forward in that moment and the old me came out. However, today is a new day. I have another chance to stop, to heal and to become my best self. That's what I will focus on this time, becoming the man that I know deep down I can be. I'm not going to count days nor will I worry about my reboot 24/7. I'm just gonna be my best self and see what happens. I woke up this morning with the usual post pmo session headache. It feels like a porn hangover. It happens to me every time. Last night my brain finally clicked that porn isn't something pleasurable for me anymore. I felt disgusted by what I watched. And afterwards, I felt dirty and had to take a shower to feel clean again. Thankful for last night's dose of reality. Now my reboot begins. Thank you for all of your support.
 
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Blondie

Respected Member
Glad to see you're jumping right back into this @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11. We really don't have time to be too hard on ourselves if we slip. We've alreadly seen the light, and a day or so of darkness can't compete with the sacredness of being free. I use Fortify to count my days (it's an app), which is great because it counts both my overall progress, plus my streaks. I've been on the app for 570 days, and I've only "failed" four times! Seeing my progress in this light really changes my perspective as it should for all of us who are here.

We are not our streaks, we are the combination of all our efforts and learning over the days and years.

You've seen the light, now keep on pressing towards it.

Best to you brother

Blondie
 
I have an addiction to PMO and I want to stop.
I'm writing this to hold myself accountable on those days and nights when the urge comes up.
I will never watch porn again. I will never orgasm again unless it's with someone I love deeply or my future wife. I will never again waste my time with fantasy or thoughts that can lead me down the road to relapse. No amount of porn will ever satisfy me or love me back. No amount of MO will give me happiness. I've tried and failed multiple times. I've gotten to over 100 days before. Back then, I committed to it 150% and stayed on course through the flatline, insomnia filled nights and mood swings. I did it for a friend who inspired me to be better. I had a reason, a why, a motivating factor. I did it for her and not myself. I need to do this for me and the man that I want to be in the future. Everything good is on the other side of this problem. I can get there if I give it my all, keep my guard up and surrender to the reboot and it's day by day ability to make me a better person. It's up to me. It's my choice. No one can do this for me. I'm gonna give it every fiber of my heart, mind and soul. Gonna give it 200% of my effort and let what's meant to be happen. I have to quit this yo-yo stuff where I start and stop and start and stop. I have to stop letting my guard down and letting my mind drag me into the fire. If I can do this, I can do anything. I can change. I can quit. I will break this cycle. This is my true day 1. The day where I commit fully to stopping. No matter what it takes, how bad it gets or how hard it might be. My future self needs this. I'm ready.
 
Glad to see you're jumping right back into this @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11. We really don't have time to be too hard on ourselves if we slip. We've alreadly seen the light, and a day or so of darkness can't compete with the sacredness of being free. I use Fortify to count my days (it's an app), which is great because it counts both my overall progress, plus my streaks. I've been on the app for 570 days, and I've only "failed" four times! Seeing my progress in this light really changes my perspective as it should for all of us who are here.

We are not our streaks, we are the combination of all our efforts and learning over the days and years.

You've seen the light, now keep on pressing towards it.

Best to you brother

Blondie
Thanks bro. I'm gonna get it one of these days. It's gonna feel amazing to get the shackles of pmo addiction off.
 
that's what I'm talking about, keep the great attitude, it's important to get you ahead, but remember to put in the work as well (delete anything that connects you with that world, triggers, porn libraries...).
remember to not only talk the talk, but you have to walk the walk my friend...

onwards.
You are correct, you have to do the work, it's in doing the work you will have the results, I assure to just quit for life even you're fully recover no more porn all the days of your life. Delete Instagram because it's worster than porn. Yes you have to delete if your ready for the best version of yourself. You can't keep going to Instagram and say you want to quit porn.
 
Morning chores ✔️
I didn't feel like doing them, but I did anyway. Looking forward to working out later as well.
Had the urge to MO this morning, but I didn't. No more turning back for me. I can't afford it. My best self and life are now. I just have to want it bad enough to make the effort to go and get it.
Have a great day, Everyone!!
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
Morning chores ✔️
I didn't feel like doing them, but I did anyway. Looking forward to working out later as well.
Had the urge to MO this morning, but I didn't. No more turning back for me. I can't afford it. My best self and life are now. I just have to want it bad enough to make the effort to go and get it.
Have a great day, Everyone!!
That's my BWOI, keep it up, i like your attitude, God bless 💪😎💯.
 
At this point, I feel like the severity of my pmo addiction has gone way down. In 2019, I would have said I was a 7 out of 10. After that, a 4 out of 10 and now, a 2 out of 10. I went almost 2 months completely point free last time. I did not flatline, nor did I have any mega urges. In fact, I went multiple days without even thinking about porn. In 2019, the first month was a beast. I was depressed, and angry and moody. Since then, I've experienced those symptoms here and there, but this last time, I didn't at all from what I remember. The key is getting your mind out of those danger zones. I think that's where I mess up. I let thoughts and flashbacks manifest themselves into a relapse. I need to form the discipline and the willpower to get my mind away from those sketchy situations. I also rationalize MOing. Which is never worth it afterwards. I need to focus more on what I want and quit allowing rationalization to ruin things for me. Instant gratification is never worth it.
 
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