Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired
- Thread starter FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
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Weetakker
Member
Keep staying strong, buddy.
Just out of curiosity, do you live with someone? The reason I ask is because without access to high-speed Internet, there is no porn. Obviously, yes. But the point that I am trying to get at is that you cut your access to porn at nighttime if you live with someone. Give them your phone and computer before you go to bed. This can be done with family or roommates. The point is to put away the things that would make it easier to relapse, just like a recovering alcoholic may clear their cabinet of alcohol to avoid the temptation. Changing the room around might help, but the main conduit of the addiction is still in the room
Granted, this will not mean you won’t get urges, or that you may masturbate to a fantasy you conjure up in your head. But at least you won’t be watching porn, and even if you wanted to, you couldn’t because someone else has the devices that would allow you to do so.
If you do not live with anyone, you can put your devices in another part of the house/apartment. Not as efficient, but they won’t be within reach if you get urges, and you will have to at least do a double take before making the conscious decision to go and retrieve them.
I hope this helps!
Just out of curiosity, do you live with someone? The reason I ask is because without access to high-speed Internet, there is no porn. Obviously, yes. But the point that I am trying to get at is that you cut your access to porn at nighttime if you live with someone. Give them your phone and computer before you go to bed. This can be done with family or roommates. The point is to put away the things that would make it easier to relapse, just like a recovering alcoholic may clear their cabinet of alcohol to avoid the temptation. Changing the room around might help, but the main conduit of the addiction is still in the room
Granted, this will not mean you won’t get urges, or that you may masturbate to a fantasy you conjure up in your head. But at least you won’t be watching porn, and even if you wanted to, you couldn’t because someone else has the devices that would allow you to do so.
If you do not live with anyone, you can put your devices in another part of the house/apartment. Not as efficient, but they won’t be within reach if you get urges, and you will have to at least do a double take before making the conscious decision to go and retrieve them.
I hope this helps!
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Focusing heavily on improving myself today. My journey to my best self begins now.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Today: I worked out, read a chapter of a book, did my daily chores, cleaned my house up, worked on not worrying about my reboot. I think a lot of what gets me trapped is I worry about the reboot instead of just not watching porn, doing good habits and living. As long as I stay porn free my brain will heal. Today I didn't worry about it that much, and the goal tomorrow is to worry about it less. I didn't even count the day that I'm on, and that's okay. I have a good baseline now, just gotta keep going and adding to it.
Weetakker
Member
Nice! I’ve found myself not PMO’ing for days because I am immersed on something that gives me purpose, or I am simply too tired from working out, or work.
One thing that I have learned, however, is that things like these are like bandaids. They help hide the wound, but the wound is still there. It just makes you forget porn for a bit. But once you experience a trigger coupled with a bit of stress, you may find yourself back where you started. I have found that what works for me is to actively reflect on what causes me to POM. That way when the urges come, I have something to face them with.
One thing that I have learned, however, is that things like these are like bandaids. They help hide the wound, but the wound is still there. It just makes you forget porn for a bit. But once you experience a trigger coupled with a bit of stress, you may find yourself back where you started. I have found that what works for me is to actively reflect on what causes me to POM. That way when the urges come, I have something to face them with.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Great day today. Worked out hard, didn't worry about my reboot at all, didn't count days, just lived today for everything it had to offer. Had some reboot anxiety earlier, but I went to battle against it and I won. I think if I can get my mind to work with me I can do this. Penis is lifeless, no morning wood yesterday morning and had some spontaneous moments of life that quickly went away. It'll be back soon lol. Gonna do some pushups and head to bed. Have a great night, everyone.
As long as you are trying, you are good. I am now day 48day with no Porn, but I know that I can't let my guard down. I watched a movie yesterday night. It was a 16+ movie but had many nude scenes. There was no urge or any emotion and it gave me a feeling of control. My mind is telling me that you are now strong and can safely watch such movies. Well I know from past that it is not true. This is an invitation to relapses. So I come here and write about it. Writing helps me to clear my thoughts and understand my actual situation and not get carried away by mind. So friend, come and write about your feeling when you get an urge. You can clear your mind and overcome the urge. So try writing here, when you get urge.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
What benefits have you felt and experienced so far?
The most significant benefit is not living with guilt and shame as it felt like not being loyal to my wife and kids. I always dreaded getting caught in the act by my wife or even worse the kids. Even then I could not stop it. It is a miracle they have not caught me. My wife might be knowing and pretending to not know. I don't know, I have not tried to find out. To me other benefits are insignificant. It just did not feel so great after the act, but I just kept going there. Having good control over my actions is a great feeling and knowing that I am doing it with great effort makes me feel stronger. I think my teenage son is also getting trapped in this. How can I guide him when I am also guilty?
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
I had a relapse on early morning/late night of the 20th. I watched P twice that night. I didn't shame myself, nor did I get angry. I have figured out that even the smallest of urges can get us to do what it wants if we don't put up the walls in time. Last night I did some deep diving into my past. I talked to my best friend and I feel like I use porn as a way to get over a lack of self worth. Almost every best friend I have had, has left me. They never gave me warning, they ghosted me and left. No closure, no anything. The last one told me that she didn't wanna talk and that her life had improved dramatically. She then proceeded to block me on everything and we haven't spoken since 2019. Those words cut me deep. It sent me back into pmo. I still have anger towards her and it still affects me. I guess I was afraid to admit it. Once you get left a few times and told that since their life is better they don't want to talk to you anymore, you feel used. It ruined my self worth and put in me a fear that every time I get a new friend that they will end up leaving. I've told my friends about that situation in 2019. I acted like I had forgiven her completely, but the truth is I haven't. I think of it often. I wonder why I wasn't good enough. Why giving everything I had to a friend who needed me wasn't worth anything to them. Since telling my friend last night about everything, I feel much better. I feel a sense of freedom now. I feel lighter. It's like that thing that has lit the fuse on my pmo struggles has been dented. Now I can work on the bigger issue. Truth is, I buried this feeling. Every time someone doesn't talk to me for a few days, my mind fills up with anxiety and feelings of how I'm not good enough. It's so unhealthy. But I'm so glad to finally let someone know...and all of you. I think I've taken a huge step finally in fixing the deep core problem. Thank you all for listening. I appreciate you all. Sorry to ramble on. Lol.
Blondie
Respected Member
This is good @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11.
I recognize many of these same patters in myself. I too have lost "friends" etc. over the years, wondering what I did wrong, or why they ghosted me. Over the years I turned to porn to "Fix" my sadness over this matter, and yet it never did anything but make me feel worse.
Dig deep within yourself, that is the path to healing.
Good stuff here, you might have "relapsed" but you discovered something about yourself in the process and thus can grow from it.
Best to you.
I recognize many of these same patters in myself. I too have lost "friends" etc. over the years, wondering what I did wrong, or why they ghosted me. Over the years I turned to porn to "Fix" my sadness over this matter, and yet it never did anything but make me feel worse.
Dig deep within yourself, that is the path to healing.
Good stuff here, you might have "relapsed" but you discovered something about yourself in the process and thus can grow from it.
Best to you.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Appreciate you always, pal.
The patterns are the same for me also. As I mentioned earlier, I was using PMO as a stress buster and as a way to escape from reality. When I tried to stop PMO, I would give up when I faces some bad situations. When I did my best to overcome PMO, the urge for PMO pressure would build up after 10 days. My struggle to keep away from this was actually building pressure and stress and creating a self-feeding loop. This time the stress and struggle peaked from 15 to 25 days. Once I crossed this, there was no stress in keeping away from this. Today is day 51. Now I did get urges today, but no stress in denying this. As always the key is not to let the guard down. It is so easy to fall. Even a slight urge can derail things. It could be a struggle to overcome the barrier again. So try your level best to cross this and never fall.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Ever since talking about my inner and emotional struggles I feel a lot less stressed. Immediately I sensed something changed not only in me, but in my attempts to quit pmo. I had urges last night and early this morning, but now that I know the cause of the issue, relapsing makes no sense to me anymore. I told myself when I had urges "I am worth quitting for. I deserve to be free. I'm good enough to quit". It helps. I also took some breaths and did something to focus my mind on something else. Today I feel great. Much more free. Looking forward to working out and doing other healthy things today. I haven't felt this good about being able to break free since 2019 when I went 113 days pmo free.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Day 3 or 4 of no porn. Day 1 of hard mode. Last night I decided to try MO without porn. I could only get hard by thinking about a girl I used to find attractive, but not by touch alone. It told me that I need to keep rebooting and obviously it's way too early for any huge improvements. Especially since i keep relapsing. It also told me that I'm too hard on myself when it comes to hard mode. Starting out, I wanted hard mode all the way, but continued to fail. Testing myself last night gave me really good information and told me that I need to buckle down, keep working on my struggles and reboot. Sometimes Testing is a good and positive thing in this journey. So I apologize to myself for being a jerk. Lol. Also, I got through some pretty nasty urges to watch porn last night. I wanted it, but I want to quit so much more. So I didn't give in. I told the urges to bring it on this time. Really feel like I'm growing with all of this and it will all give me the success that i have wanted for so long.
Ezel
Respected Member
Sorry to hear about your relapse, it doesn't eliminate all the work you have done before. It's just a blip, that's all there's to it. The important thing is you didn't go on a binge and you snapped out of it before it was too late. For doing that i can tell that you walked your first step in your future inspiring journey.
Just stay focused brother, we must stay focused. God bless you champion
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Just stay focused brother, we must stay focused. God bless you champion
.I don't think you have to try MO to judge yourself. MO is also not natural and ok not to get hard with only touch after an age. It is natural, but you might be able to do it if you make it a habit but still bad as PMO. So stay away from it like PMO. You may feel that you are loosing your sex drive and ability, but ability will come back automatically. No need to train for it.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Late last night, I had another relapse. It was my rock bottom. The rock bottom of rock bottoms. It was my 2nd relapse in 3 days and all of my relapses are getting closer and closer together. I wasn't kind to myself, my body or my brain last night. My body didn't want what the addicted part of my brain wanted, but I did it anyway. It wasn't satisfying at all. In fact, it felt absolutely numb. Like I was on autopilot. Then it hit me, I haven't felt genuine pleasure in a long time in anything. And if I don't quit, I'll just continue to feel more numb and I'll eventually end up with pied. Mentally, physically and emotionally I can't do this anymore. For my own sake. I finally can see what this stuff can do to me. I'm worth stopping for. I've always wanted to stop for others, because I never felt worth it enough to quit for me. But now I do. I'm worth it. I don't wanna feel numb anymore. I'm ready for whatever these next few months have in store for me. I'm not gonna make anymore promises, I'm just gonna see what tomorrow brings. I know I can do this.
Ezel
Respected Member
I know what you're feeling freedom, it's like a curse to us, i thought of it the same way. But it's a curse worth breaking. Like you just said you are worth it. Man, if i could just go back in time to the first nude i ever saw, to tell myself what's coming and to give him a glimpse on the future. But we all know that's not possible. The only moment we got is right here and right now that's it. I'm sure you can make it count. You went 100 days once, you can do it again, and one day you will keep going past that and leave all that behind you.
It's just a matter of time for you my man, you got what it takes, you always have.
Get up and start moving ahead soldier
.Sending love.