Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 8. Beginning week 2. Feeling a bit better. Mind is more clear. Some spontaneous excitement down below, but it's not much to write home about just yet. I feel like I've been in a flatline for the past few days. From about day 3 or 4 to now. My last relapse was on the 21st. What finally woke me up for good is I was having troubles becoming aroused by what I normally watch. It was taking me much longer than usual. I guess it had been doing that gradually, but I just noticed it then. I remember reading that when that begins to happen, you have to go to something more shocking to get that excitement level back. I knew deep down I wasn't willing to do that just to keep a habit going. It's not worth watching something that's gonna make me hate myself. I also knew that I could possibly be in the beginning stages of pied. Which I definitely don't want at the age of 26. So here I am, once again on day 8. Posting on my thread that is filled with so many ups and downs. My friend and I have worked out an accountability plan. Each Sunday she's going to text and ask me for a life update. That's every 1 week that I'm clean. So far, it's been okay. As I stated before, I've been in what I think is a flatline. No morning wood, Feeling crummy, no urges for pmo at all. No motivation or energy. Today I'm feeling better so far. Still no urges though. I've had some thoughts, but I've been able to push them away. And I saw a questionable scene in a show the other day as I was passing by my TV. It got my anxiety going, but I told the anxiety that porn wasn't an option for me anymore. It can bring it on, but I'm not giving in. I can't avoid everything, but I can control what I do with it after I see it. At this point, I just wanna get better and feel better. I wanna be the best version of myself. My 2.0 version. I'm one week closer to that goal. Have a great Sunday, everyone!!
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 10. Beginning to feel better. Had some MW this morning and it was decent. I was on Google yesterday, and I looked up something in the video section, as I scrolled I saw that there was also porn that was filmed under the same name that I looked up on Google. Safe to say I quickly abandoned my search. Lol. I didn't see anything too bad or anything that triggered me. I'm actually proud that I saw it, quickly went away from it, and didn't want to watch anything. If anything, it reminded me about continuing to be careful online, on YouTube or wherever I happen to be. I also know that I can't avoid everything during this reboot, but it's how I respond and react to what I may see that's more important. Definitely an odd situation. So happy to be at day 10. Have a great day, everyone!
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 11. No morning wood. Had urges to MO last night but I used some mindfulness techniques that I learned. I just let the urge be there and keep doing whatever I'm currently doing. Eventually it went away. Today I'm feeling very calm in my mind. No feelings of anxiety or stress. I also think my concentration is better. Think I'm coming out of the flatline that I was in. Hopefully it'll be done at the 2 week mark. Just feel super even today. No major complaints. Looking forward to the 2 week mark.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Worst day since I began this reboot. Day 12. No libido at all. No joy. No motivation. Urges and flashbacks are heavy today. Last night I kept waking up every few hours. Earlier my penis shriveled up to almost nothing. No morning wood. I know this is normal and recovering from this is not always gonna be good. But man this sucks. Just needed to vent.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 13. A bit of MW this morning. So far I'm feeling good. Decided to try to MO last night without porn or fantasy to see where I am. I couldn't even get the slightest bit aroused. It just continued being shrunken. I didn't force it, I stopped and went to sleep. But at least I know I still need more time. Looking forward to 2 weeks tomorrow.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 16. I've been waking up with a headache the last few mornings. I'm not sure if they are a result of no pmo or my sleeping posture. Noticing more energy today. More motivation to get things done. More motivation to put my best self into everything I do both big and small. No big cravings yesterday and none really that I could tell. Feeling better every day. No morning wood this morning, but yesterday had really good MW. Just continuing to go one day at a time. Also, penis isn't shrunken anymore. It does have moments when it goes there, not as bad as last week.
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 said:
Day 16. I've been waking up with a headache the last few mornings. I'm not sure if they are a result of no pmo or my sleeping posture. Noticing more energy today. More motivation to get things done. More motivation to put my best self into everything I do both big and small. No big cravings yesterday and none really that I could tell. Feeling better every day. No morning wood this morning, but yesterday had really good MW. Just continuing to go one day at a time. Also, penis isn't shrunken anymore. It does have moments when it goes there, not as bad as last week.
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Glad to hear that things are improving for you freedom, this is just the tip of the iceberg, what is in store for you is much greater.
Keep doing your thing brother, bless you ☺️😉.
 
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