Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
Day 14. 2 weeks of no pmo.
Feeling really good and calm today. Had decent MW and my mind and body feel really at peace. Got through some urges to MO last night, and I am proud of that because I have found new strength during these 2 weeks. A new mental strength. This has been mentally difficult, but so so worth it. I look forward to this week and the weeks to come. Thank you to all of you who continue to support me.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
Day 15
Today was really really difficult mentally. Anxiety and honestly paranoia really dominated the afternoon. I was watching a book review on YouTube, and realized how pretty the lady was that was doing the review. Immediately, like last time Anxiety and the feeling of being paranoid latched onto my brain. Just another lie of the addicted brain. Another attempt to make me relapse. Truthfully though, relapsing never entered into my mind at all. I felt the discomfort and I felt the pain in my head. I know tomorrow it will be gone. Tomorrow will be better. I'm finally not letting my mind run this show and it's difficult, but it feels good. Also...I love how beautiful women are. Obviously I've always known it, but it's amazing to see with clear eyes without the pmo fog. Like when I noticed Reese Witherspoon's eyes and how amazing they are a couple months ago. I don't understand why my mind is causing me such struggle, but it just means this is working. I'm happier, working out more, waking up better and my penis is coming back to life slowly. That life is not worth giving up over the last ditch efforts of a brain that I messed up. I didn't like today. But I will like tomorrow because I will be pmo free. I appreciate all of you who continue to support me.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
Day 16
Last night was tough. Urges to pmo hit me hard and it was difficult. Yesterday was difficult pretty much all day. I am so glad, thankful and proud of myself that I woke up pmo free this morning without relapse. The anxiety from Yesterday is gone and my mind is clear once again. I think my irrational thoughts from yesterday about the girl I saw was because she was on a screen. My addicted brain looked at it as "she's on a screen well you know what that means...". The definition on here of relapse is when you intentionally look at porn. I didn't do that yesterday or last night. I never even went to a site. I knew deep down these truths, but my brain didn't wanna accept them. Admiring someone's beauty is healthy and okay as long as I don't do it in a way that is disrespectful to them. I'm so glad to be here once again today adding another day to my streak. It's been tough this time but I'm making my way through it. Irrational thoughts and all. Lol.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
Last night I was able to MO 3 times without porn. The first time I didn't use any fantasy at all, only sensation. The 2nd and 3rd, I used very minimal fantasy. I think I did that because I didn't space it out enough and wasn't recovered from the first one. Either way, I'm so glad I didn't have to go to something over the top to think about. I'm definitely heading in the right direction. Gonna cut back on MO to give myself more time and room to heal. Also, I'm not putting pressure on myself anymore with this. Just gonna live life and be happy and recover. This isn't about stress and worry, it's about getting better and becoming happy again. I feel great today. Thankful to not have pied.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
Day 8 hard mode. Had a slip on April 29th. Since then, I've been focusing heavily on good habits. So far I've been working out, reading more, waking up earlier and I even deleted my YouTube account. I waste a lot of time on there with mindless videos. I am in a flatline though with absolutely no urges at all and no cravings. No Morning wood and my penis is lifeless. When it isn't shrunken, it's just there like an ornament not doing anything. I've noticed, that when I go hard mode I flatline for about the first 2 to 3 weeks. I have no urges and then all of a sudden, boom they bite. I've come to enjoy the flatline and not dread it because it means healing is happening. Even if I do feel like a tire without air in it. Lol. I'm just gonna keep on going. Hope everyone has a good day.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
Day 9
Today was my worst day so far. Flatline 1 Me 0. Had a headache from the time I woke up until late afternoon. No motivation, no libido at all. Super fatigued and had some anxiety. No MW. Read some success stories on YBOP and I read some stories of guys who were way worse off than I am. Recovery isn't a straight arrow up the graph, these days will happen. Just means I gotta fight a bit harder, lift a little more and remember how much I want this. Life will be so much better on the other side of this. I just gotta reach it. Still no air in the tire @Blondie 😂
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 said:
Day 9
Today was my worst day so far. Flatline 1 Me 0. Had a headache from the time I woke up until late afternoon. No motivation, no libido at all. Super fatigued and had some anxiety. No MW. Read some success stories on YBOP and I read some stories of guys who were way worse off than I am. Recovery isn't a straight arrow up the graph, these days will happen. Just means I gotta fight a bit harder, lift a little more and remember how much I want this. Life will be so much better on the other side of this. I just gotta reach it. Still no air in the tire @Blondie 😂
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Withdrawal can be brutal. Be ready for it. Some people have symptoms that are as extreme as some kinds of drug withdrawals. I remember one guy describing that his teeth even hurt, and it was just withdrawal.

Take good care of yourself and find as much support as you can. GL.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
Day 10
Feeling better than I did yesterday. No headache and no big anxiety. Still some fatigue and no MW. Had some life down there when I woke up though, so at least it isn't down for the count. No real life since then though. I do feel a slight pick up in energy/libido. Just a spark though, nothing magnificent. Feel fairly even and normal so far. Mostly fatigued. Hoping for a good day. I appreciate all of you so much.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
Today was a mixed bag. Fatigued and kinda emotional was how it mainly went for me. I worked out twice and kept to myself more than usual. I had a P flashback earlier, it ended as fast as it happened. My mind of course latched onto it in an attempt to make me relapse....didn't happen this time. I know where I go if I go down that road. If I don't give in, and I don't let that anxiety control me, I don't know where I go and that's exciting to me. Looking forward to tomorrow. Can't believe 2 weeks is in my grasp. I'm proud of myself for today.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
Day 12
This morning was amazing I woke up earlier than I had expected to, but I wasn't tired and my mind was crystal clear. I had MW about 15-20% it's a start, and I'll take it. Had good energy and motivation today to do everything I needed to do. I felt good in my mind and in my body. The only flatline symptom that I still have is a dead penis. After the MW, it went down and is still not showing much life. Not to worry, today was good...no no, today was great. I feel great and I'm happy. I only had a bit of anxiety today and that will get better as time goes on. Had I listened to my head the other day, I'd be back at day 3 today instead of knocking on the door of 2 weeks. I'm proud of myself. Looking forward to tomorrow.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Hi @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 - I want to say something to you without this sounding like I know it all. I don’t, but I do know a bit. Penis malfunction is very scary. You think that if giving up porn means you give up on your penis working, then better go straight back to porn, right? The penis has got nothing wrong with it at all. It’s the brain (obviously). Your penis is going to be fine because you will fix your brain. Your brain is different from mine and from everyone else’s, so I can’t tell you when you’ll be back to your rebooted factory settings penis state, but it will happen.

Stay on course. The rewards are immense but you have to get past the worried early stages. Flatline is the brain in mending mode, utterly confused as to why you’re not getting your dopamine fixes from staring at a screen. Keep going, you inspire.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
GBS said:
Hi @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 - I want to say something to you without this sounding like I know it all. I don’t, but I do know a bit. Penis malfunction is very scary. You think that if giving up porn means you give up on your penis working, then better go straight back to porn, right? The penis has got nothing wrong with it at all. It’s the brain (obviously). Your penis is going to be fine because you will fix your brain. Your brain is different from mine and from everyone else’s, so I can’t tell you when you’ll be back to your rebooted factory settings penis state, but it will happen.

Stay on course. The rewards are immense but you have to get past the worried early stages. Flatline is the brain in mending mode, utterly confused as to why you’re not getting your dopamine fixes from staring at a screen. Keep going, you inspire.
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I appreciate it very much. Thank you. I've read your story, and you also inspire. Keep doing what you do.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
Today was good. Had good energy and drive. I am Thankful to be feeling better, still in the flatline though but I know it'll be over in time. Looking forward to tomorrow. I appreciate all of you.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
Day 14
Anxiety is a bit bad, but other than that I am good. I know Anxiety being bad is a withdrawal symptom, so I know it's apart of the process that I have to go through. I am so proud of myself for these last 2 weeks. Especially, the mental strength I have been able to build up to this point. Usually, I would have folded by now. It's amazing what our brains will do to get it's fix of unhealthy dopamine. It will put you through the ringer if it has to. Gonna keep going forward no matter what. Have a great weekend.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
Day 16
Today has been okay. Still though, headaches and fatigue kinda rule my days. Those are the only withdrawal symptoms I'm having, the headaches being more dominant than the fatigue. It's crazy how flatlines just turn everything off. You're so used to fighting urges and then all of a sudden...nothing. the switch gets flipped to the off position. You feel odd and it's weird. No MW this morning or in the last few days either. Gonna stick with it for sure. Don't wanna go through this yet again. Anxiety is getting better slowly.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
Day 17
Got through an urge today to pmo and I'm really proud of myself for it. It was a small urge, and instead of letting it get bigger I instead listened to music for a bit. It began with a flashback, as a lot of my urges tend to do. Just really thankful to have gotten through it today. Had some good MW today and my mind has been clear all day. No headache or bad fatigue. I had a thought during the urge that we always look for the perfect video, when there will never be the perfect video. We always go back looking for something we will never find. Yes it feels good for 5 minutes, but after that dopamine leaves we just feel sad and defeated. At least I do. Looking forward to the rest of today and tomorrow and beyond that. Feeling super super blessed today.
 
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Taylor11

Well-Known Member
18 days of hard mode .
No MW today but it's no big deal. Confidence is increasing, energy is increasing and anxiety is decreasing. A few urges to MO last night, but I got through them good. Feeling good this morning so far. It's amazing when you begin to come out of the fog. Truly amazing.
 
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