Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 19. Everything is good.
- No MW
- No longer shrunken down below
- Mental health is improving
- Anxiety is almost completely nonexistent

Guys, dudes, Gentlemen, if you see this, please stick to the program. Your life will open up like you never even thought was possible. Sit the weight of PMO down and see and feel the freedom that will come your way. It is worth it.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Today i realized that I am genuinely happy again for the first time in a really long time. When I was PMOing, there were days when I just felt bad with no motivation or drive and nothing really made me happy at all. Everything seemed boring and bland. I was wasting my energy and my nights on a screen trying to numb my unhappiness with people who don't even know I exist. I wouldn't go to bed until 2 or 3am, and I'd wake up with a headache feeling awful all day. I would get to mid day and think "what is the point? Why do I feel this bad? I'm tired of feeling this bad. I'm gonna change." Then I'd go right back to what made me feel bad. My mental health was awful as well with a ton of stress and anxiety. I had constant anxiety which I think made my urges happen more often and I also feel like my pmo habit helped create a lot of that anxiety as well. I know I'm nowhere near out of this hole yet, but I'm on my way. In only 3 weeks, I feel so much better mentally, physically and emotionally. I'm also working out constantly every day and this new lifestyle of no pmo is giving me more energy. I feel like I'm almost back to the person I was before I went down this path and got lost. I'm starting to love life again and feel better. That is so motivating. Thank you to all of you for all of your help.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 20. I can't believe it. 20 days without the poisonous filth that is PMO. My life is benefitting tremendously.
- No MW
- Not shrunken below
- Energy and genuine excitement about today is extremely high
- Anxiety is gone
I know as I go forward these things will only improve. I look forward to it. It is odd though, to not be shrunken and not have MW. I guess it's still healing. It'll get there soon. Done worrying about it. I know this is working. Everyone have a fantastic day.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Tomorrow marks 3 weeks clean. I haven't thought about porn really at all during these past few weeks. I've not even thought about fapping. It's so weird to not think of something that has held me down for so long. I'm becoming more comfortable with being myself and finding out how to love myself again. This addiction really takes so much from you. I'm so used to getting my hopes up with recovery, only to have them dashed. I'm just gonna keep my head down and continue to do what I've been doing. My confidence in myself and my ability to succeed with this is rising each morning I wake up pmo free. Also, my head feels lighter than it did before. Today I felt like I entered into a 2nd flatline, but Idk. Even if I did, I welcome it because I'm healing. I don't need pmo to be happy. Every morning I get reminded of that. Have a fantastic night, everyone. Keep it clean.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 21. 3 weeks down. Had another dream about a girl. It was right before I woke up too, so I kinda think I was in that half asleep/half awake zone. Either way, I woke up with about 50% MW. My brain is trying to trick me into thinking I relapsed because of that dream. The addicted brain sure is desperate. Too bad I won't be giving in. Super super thankful to be here this morning with some distance between myself and PMO. Looking forward to putting even more distance between us in the future. Screw porn and Screw my addicted brain. Neither make me happy. Everyone have a great day.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 23. Dealt with anxiety last night, but I got through it pmo free. I'm really beginning to get my motivation and my drive to achieve things back. Pmo took that from me, or I gave it to pmo. Either way, it's returning. I'm definitely motivated now to conquer tasks and chores. Feeling blessed and thankful this morning. Feeling calm and not concerned about anything. Mind is clear.

- No Morning Wood
- Mental health continues to improve and I'm more convinced than ever, that pmo was a huge player in my stress and anxiety.
- Not always lifeless down below, but it's day to day. I'm sure as I continue on, everything will be back to normal in time. Patience and persistence is key.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 24. Question, is it normal to feel great during recovery but to be in a flatline at the same time? I haven't had morning wood in a few days and my libido has been spotty at best. I don't crave pmo hardly at all. I don't even crave MO even though I have had a few urges here and there. Strange part is, I feel amazing today. It is so odd. Maybe I'm just thinking too much into it.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 25. Back in another flatline. It began last night and continues today. All the good feelings, energy and joy I had recently is gone. No libido or interest at all in anything pmo. I just feel blah. Indifferent about everything. The desire to not socialize is also strong. Down below is lifeless but not shrunken. Though these are my symptoms and this is my current situation, I wouldn't be feeling this if I wasn't healing and getting better. I'd rather go through this and feel better in a few weeks, then spend 1 more minute watching that poison. I know how good I can feel, because I've experienced it in the past as well as a bit this time around. Feeling grateful for this experience. The rust is coming off slowly but surely. Continuing to heal. Continuing to grow.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Today I had 2 minor P flashbacks. In past attempts, I would have let them take me over and I would have relapsed. However, today I just shook them off, and dealt with the anxiety and eventually it passed. I look at those moments as my brain grasping at straws. I feel like it is adjusting well and learning how to operate without PMO. Still in the flatline, but I'm learning how to live without the comfort and crutch that PMO had become for me. I'm proud of myself for today. So close to a month clean.
 
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