I think I have figured out the reason behind all of my slips and relapses. I'm experiencing and have caused my brain to have hypofrontality. My best streaks have been when I flat out said no to my brain and let it get through all the pain of getting through an urge. Anxiety and stress would ramp up, but I would be committed. On the other side of that, I would say no and then 10 minutes later, I completely fall. I read on the YBOP site last night that desensitization is the reason why I can't control and weigh the consequences of my relapses. My free will rests in me allowing my brain to return to normal working order. That has always hurt. Lol. But nothing worth having comes easy. I read a lot of Gabe's FAQs last night, knowing all he went through and that he healed and is now so happy really shows me that no matter how far gone I am, or how difficult this may be, the brain can change, heal and get better. He was talking about the mindset of porn not being an option anymore, and how when he would think about all it did to him, he would get angry at the pain it caused him and others. I'm not at my best right now. My potential isn't being fulfilled. I have friends and family who need me to be at my best. I need me to be at my best. Eventually, I will be with a girl and I'll have ED and I'll have to feel that embarrassment and I'll have to explain to the girl that it's not her, it's me. I've never really thought about that seriously until these last few days. I don't want that. In 2019, I got to 113 days pmo free because I wanted it more than anything. I need to get back to that mindset. So, this is day 1 of hard mode. I look forward to this battle.