I finally overcame probably my biggest trigger in this journey that has kept me relapsing for the last 5 years. As I posted last night, I went on YouTube to look up some nofap videos for motivation and information. I've done that a lot in the past. While I was scrolling the video results, I saw a few thumbnails that were at the very least questionable. They could definitely fall into the category of being a trigger during this journey. Seeing them immediately made my stress and anxiety levels increase. It was that fight or flight situation that my PMO brain has gotten so used to since I first began to try to reboot in 2019. Usually, I would have fallen so badly. I would have let my brain trick me and justify going to a site. I don't know about yours, but, my brain over these last 5 years has been extremely convincing and persuasive. It can and has came up with some good lies and sneaky tricks to keep me in the cycle of addiction. The problem is, I believed my brain and allowed it to control and manipulate me. Last night was different. As I've stated recently, I have a big picture goal. A long term goal. So, last night, I accepted those horrible feelings and I kept going on this journey. I stuck around the forum, listened to music, talked to some friends and fought for my real brain and not the PMO addicted one. Once midnight hit, I felt beyond proud and accomplished. I am just so proud and relieved. This had to happen, for me to realize I can do this. Maybe I was meant to see it. My confidence is building. Very grateful and thankful this morning.
