Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Yes, glad to see you back @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11. Sometimes we have to go our own way for a while, and then it all makes sense. Either way, glad to see you're feeling better about things.

Best
Thanks man. Still going one day at a time. Today has had it's challenges with flatline and mind tricks, but I'm making it. I've got a big picture, long term goal that I'm focused on. It'll be worth it once I get there.
 

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Last night was a struggle. Felt empty and flat with no energy. Sleeping was difficult as well, because I kept waking up and feel groggy and have no energy this morning. It also took me a long time to fall asleep. I know all of this is withdrawal and I'm on the right track. Gonna keep fighting.
 

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Had a small victory today. I had a p flashback. Not a big one, maybe a 2 out of 10. It left as quick as it showed up. It made me frustrated. Not anxious, not stressed, but it just made me mad for some reason. So I went and worked out for a little bit. I felt better afterwards. Those flashbacks are a part of it. But I'm proud today that I used one to make me better instead of allowing it to break me down like in the past. One day at time. Learning.
 

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Just wanted to give out a word of warning and caution to anyone who may see this. I went on YouTube tonight and was looking up some videos on nofap for motivation and just general information. Some of the thumbnails I saw could possibly be triggering. They definitely made me a bit anxious. Just wanted to let everyone know. Staying vigilant. Not gonna let something that small knock me down. If this was the past, I'd let it drag me to relapse city. But this is now. 💪
 

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
I finally overcame probably my biggest trigger in this journey that has kept me relapsing for the last 5 years. As I posted last night, I went on YouTube to look up some nofap videos for motivation and information. I've done that a lot in the past. While I was scrolling the video results, I saw a few thumbnails that were at the very least questionable. They could definitely fall into the category of being a trigger during this journey. Seeing them immediately made my stress and anxiety levels increase. It was that fight or flight situation that my PMO brain has gotten so used to since I first began to try to reboot in 2019. Usually, I would have fallen so badly. I would have let my brain trick me and justify going to a site. I don't know about yours, but, my brain over these last 5 years has been extremely convincing and persuasive. It can and has came up with some good lies and sneaky tricks to keep me in the cycle of addiction. The problem is, I believed my brain and allowed it to control and manipulate me. Last night was different. As I've stated recently, I have a big picture goal. A long term goal. So, last night, I accepted those horrible feelings and I kept going on this journey. I stuck around the forum, listened to music, talked to some friends and fought for my real brain and not the PMO addicted one. Once midnight hit, I felt beyond proud and accomplished. I am just so proud and relieved. This had to happen, for me to realize I can do this. Maybe I was meant to see it. My confidence is building. Very grateful and thankful this morning.
 

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Had problems falling asleep last night. I've had that happen a few times in the last few days. It's just a part of the process. Had maybe 20% MW this morning. Progress, even though it disappeared as soon as I got out of the bed. Feeling good. Looking forward to a PMO free weekend.
 

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
I had a PMO dream this morning as I was beginning to wake up. It was one of those dreams that hit you right before you open your eyes. It was so annoying and vivid. I quickly got out of bed and stood up. Thankfully, It isn't and wasn't real. Makes me anxious though. Lol. Staying on the path today no matter what. My brain is just trying to trick me and get to me.
 

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Last night was a bit of a battle. I had a lot of P flashbacks that wouldn't go away. It was like a highlight reel. Also, I've realized that hearing certain words or seeing certain things on TV, can send me back to a video I've watched in the past. It's odd how those things can bring out those associations. I guess my brain is just really trying hard to get what it wants. Got through last night clean. It's more annoying than anything at this point.
 

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
As I close in on anther week pmo free, it's amazing to think about how strong I've been this time around vs all of my other attempts. I think the thing that has changed it for me, is no matter what I've seen, heard or felt, I've not thrown in the towel. Just this morning, I saw something that just last month would have sent me back to a site. But I tossed it out as much as possible. Some days that's easy, and so days it's more difficult. Sometimes it creates a lot of anxiety and a lot of stress. But eventually, it goes away. Is my brain affected? Don't know, let's keep going. So what. Now what? Is a saying i learned a few years ago, and it's helped me a lot. I can't change what I accidentally saw or heard. But I can change my reaction and what I do in the next hour. Really proud of myself so far. Have a great weekend.
 

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Woke up at around 6am with crazy morning wood. It was awesome, because it shows me that I'm on the right track. Every day is a little better than the last. The no PMO life is truly awesome. Beginning to love urges and flashbacks because I can beat them down and pay them back for the problems they've caused me. Continuing forward.
 
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