Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Beginning another PMO free week. I got through an urge last night to use. Proud of myself for fighting and not giving in. Had another case of morning wood this morning. Not sure what the percent was though. Anxiety is gone and my confidence is up. My productivity level has gone way up. Yesterday I was literally looking for stuff to do and clean. I have so much energy and my workouts are getting better. Looking forward to the rest of today and this week. This is so much fun.
 

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
To anyone who may see this in the future, including myself on a night when urges may be knocking on my door. Please stick with this process. I've relapsed so many times over the last 5 years. I'd make commitments and then fall completely on my face. I would try to do it for other people and I'd still fall down like I was walking on ice. Everything was worse on PMO. Especially my anxiety, stress and self worth and self image. The pain I was carrying is why I PMO'd to begin with, but it was also the thing that never got any better through PMO. After a session, I was still alone. Nothing was better. It was 3am and I had wasted yet another night on a fake reality that doesn't know I exist and only wants my view for it's view count to increase. I truly lost myself through this problem. And I felt horrible all the time. I had mini streaks and I'd come on here and post about them. But I continued to escape through the internet. I would make a timeline in my head. For example, if I watch now, in 3 weeks I can start again and be fine. I was letting my brain trick me so much. I allowed it to hold me back. It held the reigns and I just listened because I couldn't get a hold on myself long enough to put any distance between myself and the sites. Until a little bit ago. I PMO'd one night and just decided I was done. From what I remember, no bright lights shined on me. Nothing crazy happened. I just decided I was done. I chose my path for once. So far, I've stuck with it better than I ever have. I've been tempted some during this journey and sometimes it's difficult to say no. But I have. The tricks of my porn brain have been annoying, but I've gotten through them fine. I've seen things by accident that just a while ago, would have sent me back to a site, but instead, I take my eyes and mind somewhere else and try hard to distract myself. Usually that feeling of anxiety and craving goes away. The flashbacks of PMO have been the worst thing about this journey. Your brain tries so hard to convince you that you yourself thought about that on purpose. Before you know it, you're in a tangled web of worry. I've experienced that too this time. But I keep going. Those flashbacks still happen, but they are getting weaker. This story and my journey are far from over. I didn't mean to type so much this morning. I just began and all this came out onto the page. I guess because I'm feeling better and seeing small gains and benefits every day. I'm able to finally open up more about this. One day, I'll write out my entire success story. Hope all of you have a great weekend.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11. If I have MW this might happen, for obvious reasons, but if not, I guess it's something I haven't thought about too much. I generally try not to think about such things, for it usually gets me stuck in my head which is not a good place to be in. In general, my flaccid size fluctuates here and there, but the longer I stay away from porn, the longer my new "normal" normalizes with longer periods in between.

I generally find that, the longer we stay out of our heads about issues like this, our little heads take care of themselves. :cool:

I hope this helps, brother

Best
 

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Hey @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11. If I have MW this might happen, for obvious reasons, but if not, I guess it's something I haven't thought about too much. I generally try not to think about such things, for it usually gets me stuck in my head which is not a good place to be in. In general, my flaccid size fluctuates here and there, but the longer I stay away from porn, the longer my new "normal" normalizes with longer periods in between.

I generally find that, the longer we stay out of our heads about issues like this, our little heads take care of themselves. :cool:

I hope this helps, brother

Best
Thanks bro. Have a good weekend.
 

Ezel

Respected Member
@Blondie @Ezel Question: When I wake up my flaccid size is bigger. But after I have been up for a minute or two, it shrinks back down to nothing. Have either of you had the same thing happen?
i agree with what blondie said, as for me i did experience this after some relapses, where my penis shrinks like if it's trying to go inside. but i never experienced this just after waking up, yes i get superb morning woods and after i go to the bathroom it just fades with time to its normal size.

don't stress too much about it man, the important thing is to stay away from that filth, and let the healing take place. just trust the process champ.
you got this...
 

GBS

Respected Member
Gentlemen,

on the subject of things we notice differently about our penises during recovery, I think and have experienced loads. Amazing morning glories that fade when you don’t want them too. Generally larger in girth (mainly) but also length. Then times when I wonder if I am kidding myself and flatlines when it feels like it’s lost all its sensitivity - in other words it’s all about our brains and how we individually fucked ours up . But I reckon rebooting is generally very very good for our old fellas and we should be glad about all changes however inexplicable and possibly slightly worrying they are.

love you all (y’all) GBS
 

FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
One new "superpower" that I have noticed is that it is so much easier to fight back against my brain when it tries to feed me a bunch of lies and tricks. A few weeks ago, I wouldn't have stood a chance. The flashbacks are getting easier to move past and they are weakening as the days go by. The cuffs are falling off with every day I don't give into the lies of pmo.
 
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