To anyone who may see this in the future, including myself on a night when urges may be knocking on my door. Please stick with this process. I've relapsed so many times over the last 5 years. I'd make commitments and then fall completely on my face. I would try to do it for other people and I'd still fall down like I was walking on ice. Everything was worse on PMO. Especially my anxiety, stress and self worth and self image. The pain I was carrying is why I PMO'd to begin with, but it was also the thing that never got any better through PMO. After a session, I was still alone. Nothing was better. It was 3am and I had wasted yet another night on a fake reality that doesn't know I exist and only wants my view for it's view count to increase. I truly lost myself through this problem. And I felt horrible all the time. I had mini streaks and I'd come on here and post about them. But I continued to escape through the internet. I would make a timeline in my head. For example, if I watch now, in 3 weeks I can start again and be fine. I was letting my brain trick me so much. I allowed it to hold me back. It held the reigns and I just listened because I couldn't get a hold on myself long enough to put any distance between myself and the sites. Until a little bit ago. I PMO'd one night and just decided I was done. From what I remember, no bright lights shined on me. Nothing crazy happened. I just decided I was done. I chose my path for once. So far, I've stuck with it better than I ever have. I've been tempted some during this journey and sometimes it's difficult to say no. But I have. The tricks of my porn brain have been annoying, but I've gotten through them fine. I've seen things by accident that just a while ago, would have sent me back to a site, but instead, I take my eyes and mind somewhere else and try hard to distract myself. Usually that feeling of anxiety and craving goes away. The flashbacks of PMO have been the worst thing about this journey. Your brain tries so hard to convince you that you yourself thought about that on purpose. Before you know it, you're in a tangled web of worry. I've experienced that too this time. But I keep going. Those flashbacks still happen, but they are getting weaker. This story and my journey are far from over. I didn't mean to type so much this morning. I just began and all this came out onto the page. I guess because I'm feeling better and seeing small gains and benefits every day. I'm able to finally open up more about this. One day, I'll write out my entire success story. Hope all of you have a great weekend.