Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Last night, I hit rock bottom finally in this addiction. I was watching a football game and out of nowhere, I got a flashback of a video I had seen. It was a very strong flashback and it wouldn't go away. I ended up going to the dark side to find what my brain considered the perfect and best video at least at the time. I spent over an hour looking for it, and never found it. This crushes that myth for me that there is a perfect one out there. Our brains make them seem that way to get us to give it what it desperately wants. Dopamine. I was up until 3am. I have no one to blame but myself for falling for this again. I can only go up from here. These last 5 years of trying to quit have been filled with highs and lows. I'm just glad I finally hit the lowest point. For some people, it takes that to finally be able to get better. It isn't fun posting this. It was pathetic and sad. Wasting and hour looking for something like that. I take full responsibility for it. I just wanted to be honest with everyone here. I'm gonna log off now and take a shower and try to get myself in order. I'll be back on later.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
I've had many days like this, one in particular that I can recall. It was the day that really changed it all for me. Something just clicked in me that spring day. It wasn't based on "inspiration" (which will always fail you) or "motivation" (which will never last), rather, it was an internal decision and state of mind that I KNEW I was over it. It can be a life changing moment.

Press on brother.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Blondie said:
I've had many days like this, one in particular that I can recall. It was the day that really changed it all for me. Something just clicked in me that spring day. It wasn't based on "inspiration" (which will always fail you) or "motivation" (which will never last), rather, it was an internal decision and state of mind that I KNEW I was over it. It can be a life changing moment.

Press on brother.
Click to expand...
Thank you, bro for that. I've been training my brain for the wrong thing and the wrong way for a long time. Just like if I want big arms, I've got to train them to get the results I want. I have to re-train my brain to get back to it's old self and to get the results that i want. I just want a physical human instead of one on my phone. Thankful for these hard lessons. Thankful others have gone through them as well and can offer support.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Got through an urge last night. Ended up just going to bed and ignoring it the best that I could. My brain was trying so hard to convince me to act out. Same song and verse as always. I've been having flashbacks today. Seems like that urge brought them along with it. It's just a part of this process. It'll get better with time. We will all get better with time.
 
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