FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Day 7.
Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Day 8. Had a PMO/sexual dream. In the dream, I said screw it and got out of bed and was gonna do it. Thankfully it was only a dream. Moving forward. Happy Easter.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Day 9. Headache this morning and no energy. Had another PMO/sexual dream. Those are annoying but they are a part of this process. It means healing and withdrawal. Looking forward to 10 days tomorrow and then the 2 week mark in a few days. I've had a few flashbacks because of stuff I hear. Like keywords may trigger a flashback of pmo or something. It's so odd. Anyway, gonna make it a good day regardless.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Day 10. Had a flashback/small urge earlier. Wanted to post just to make my addicted brain mad.
Ezel
Respected Member
Good job my man, keep your head up, and keep going.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Thank you, man. Got through last night relapse free. It's crazy the stuff your brain will throw at you.
Blondie
Respected Member
This is great to hear, @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
I'm proud. Just wish those flashbacks would stop. That's what always used to get me off track. It was my fault too because I would indulge them. I know by saying no and fighting, I'm building strength and self discipline. Two things I lack.
Blondie
Respected Member
Well, it's a muscle you have to exercise, and you just did!
You got this.
Blondie
Respected Member
Thanks for sharing your story, @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11. I think I can identify with many of those moments in your story. Keep going brother. Your story is still going, and you have the freedom to choose to write whatever way you wish it to end.
Best
Best
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Lessons i have learned through 6 years of trial and error.
This addiction is truly a mastermind in tricking us: It will use anything and everything to cause us to slip up and relapse. It has a bottomless bag of tricks.
There is no perfect day to quit: Man, I've struggled with this so badly. Once your brain is hooked and changed, it will convince you that today isn't a good day. It'll try so hard to get you to wait another day. Your birthday or this or that day is the "perfect day" to quit. Wait until then and have a big finale session. Go out with a bang.....until you show back up 9 days later.
I saw this, that or the other and all of my progress is ruined: I'm also guilty of falling for this one. The stress, anxiety and straight up paranoia that this has caused me over the years is honestly sad. Continuing to scroll on or looking away or simply leaving the room is a win. Learning to not engage with something that could take you down is a huge milestone.
More Willpower, more strength, more fighting will eventually work: Hahaha. Nope. At least, not in my case. All it did, was make me be set in my ways and form unhealthy patterns. Which didn't do anything, but, lead me to more pmo. My pride got in the way and made me convinced that "my way" was the only way. Which is ridiculous because I've been doing the same stupid thing since 2019. If it was the best way, it would've worked by now. There are so many strategies to this. There isn't one perfect fit. If there was, we wouldn't be here. My pmo brain loves that route because it knows it'll be back to what it likes eventually. It's the long road to nowhere.
I had a flashback/fantasy/sexual dream/thought and all of my progress is gone: Nope. Shake those off and move on. That's gonna happen. It is what it is. Besides, I can't see my brain. I can't tell if it did any damage. All I can do, is move on with my day.
Man, if I could only hit 6 months. Maybe a yea.....: This is a daily journey. Setting big goals could add stress which could induce a craving and a binge or slip. Go day to day. And try to live normally as possible and eventually, you will heal. It takes some longer to heal and some take less time. The time doesn't matter, just focus on becoming who you want to be and leaving this version of you behind.
It's okay to do something different than you've always done: This is the hardest one for me. My Porn brain is so stuck in one way of doing this. It throws all this fear at me. But if I don't, I'll stay stuck for the rest of my days. I'd rather make my brain mad, then look back at 80 as I'm deleting my history.....
You're never too low: I've relapsed A LOT. This morning, in fact. But, I can still recover. My brain is still able to heal, rewire and recover. Recovery and a happy life is still possible. Finding the love of my life is possible. Getting back to my old self is possible. It's all still possible. No matter how far we have all fallen, it's right there for us to take. All we gotta do is want it.
These are just a few lessons that I've learned over the last few years. I'll try to incorporate them into my journey that will truly never end. Love you, dudes.
This addiction is truly a mastermind in tricking us: It will use anything and everything to cause us to slip up and relapse. It has a bottomless bag of tricks.
There is no perfect day to quit: Man, I've struggled with this so badly. Once your brain is hooked and changed, it will convince you that today isn't a good day. It'll try so hard to get you to wait another day. Your birthday or this or that day is the "perfect day" to quit. Wait until then and have a big finale session. Go out with a bang.....until you show back up 9 days later.
I saw this, that or the other and all of my progress is ruined: I'm also guilty of falling for this one. The stress, anxiety and straight up paranoia that this has caused me over the years is honestly sad. Continuing to scroll on or looking away or simply leaving the room is a win. Learning to not engage with something that could take you down is a huge milestone.
More Willpower, more strength, more fighting will eventually work: Hahaha. Nope. At least, not in my case. All it did, was make me be set in my ways and form unhealthy patterns. Which didn't do anything, but, lead me to more pmo. My pride got in the way and made me convinced that "my way" was the only way. Which is ridiculous because I've been doing the same stupid thing since 2019. If it was the best way, it would've worked by now. There are so many strategies to this. There isn't one perfect fit. If there was, we wouldn't be here. My pmo brain loves that route because it knows it'll be back to what it likes eventually. It's the long road to nowhere.
I had a flashback/fantasy/sexual dream/thought and all of my progress is gone: Nope. Shake those off and move on. That's gonna happen. It is what it is. Besides, I can't see my brain. I can't tell if it did any damage. All I can do, is move on with my day.
Man, if I could only hit 6 months. Maybe a yea.....: This is a daily journey. Setting big goals could add stress which could induce a craving and a binge or slip. Go day to day. And try to live normally as possible and eventually, you will heal. It takes some longer to heal and some take less time. The time doesn't matter, just focus on becoming who you want to be and leaving this version of you behind.
It's okay to do something different than you've always done: This is the hardest one for me. My Porn brain is so stuck in one way of doing this. It throws all this fear at me. But if I don't, I'll stay stuck for the rest of my days. I'd rather make my brain mad, then look back at 80 as I'm deleting my history.....
You're never too low: I've relapsed A LOT. This morning, in fact. But, I can still recover. My brain is still able to heal, rewire and recover. Recovery and a happy life is still possible. Finding the love of my life is possible. Getting back to my old self is possible. It's all still possible. No matter how far we have all fallen, it's right there for us to take. All we gotta do is want it.
These are just a few lessons that I've learned over the last few years. I'll try to incorporate them into my journey that will truly never end. Love you, dudes.
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
I'm here this morning to make a commitment to myself and my future.
Wednesday, is my 29th birthday. After that is the big 3-0. I will not be a 30 year old pmo addict. I don't want to be a 29 year old pmo user. I've been back and forth for so long. On the track and off it. But, guys, there is no halfway. You're on track or you aren't. I'm all the time saying that I want to quit and get my old self back. Yet I allow my pmo wired brain to control my life. I allow it to lie, trick, and manipulate me with it's never ending lies of satisfaction of watching people that I don't know and who don't know that I even exist. All I'm doing, is ruining my life and brain while giving them and their site an increase on the view count. I spent hours this weekend looking for this certain video. Took me all afternoon and evening to find it. It was literally night time when I finally found it. That's truly pathetic and was a definite rock bottom moment for me. I've had a few over the years. But, those low moments don't last long and don't have much effect because my brain is so wired for pmo. It's like I'm a remote controlled robot and my brain has the controller. I used last night. 6-8-25. I've had this thought in my mind, about quitting by 30. Either quitting on my birthday or before. I choose before. And I'll go into year 29 and try to have a fresh start at this and at my life. It's gonna be the ultimate challenge for myself and my future. It's gonna be difficult. But, I've got to do something if I'm gonna finally grow up and become the man that I want to be. PMO will never do that for me. I've been stuck for so long because of my own choices. Because I listen to my brain that's been working against me for years. When I try to fight it, it throws me in the dirt. Eventually, you've got to turn into Rocky and destroy it once and for all. I'm posting this here for accountability and to keep myself accountable every day. Let's go.
Wednesday, is my 29th birthday. After that is the big 3-0. I will not be a 30 year old pmo addict. I don't want to be a 29 year old pmo user. I've been back and forth for so long. On the track and off it. But, guys, there is no halfway. You're on track or you aren't. I'm all the time saying that I want to quit and get my old self back. Yet I allow my pmo wired brain to control my life. I allow it to lie, trick, and manipulate me with it's never ending lies of satisfaction of watching people that I don't know and who don't know that I even exist. All I'm doing, is ruining my life and brain while giving them and their site an increase on the view count. I spent hours this weekend looking for this certain video. Took me all afternoon and evening to find it. It was literally night time when I finally found it. That's truly pathetic and was a definite rock bottom moment for me. I've had a few over the years. But, those low moments don't last long and don't have much effect because my brain is so wired for pmo. It's like I'm a remote controlled robot and my brain has the controller. I used last night. 6-8-25. I've had this thought in my mind, about quitting by 30. Either quitting on my birthday or before. I choose before. And I'll go into year 29 and try to have a fresh start at this and at my life. It's gonna be the ultimate challenge for myself and my future. It's gonna be difficult. But, I've got to do something if I'm gonna finally grow up and become the man that I want to be. PMO will never do that for me. I've been stuck for so long because of my own choices. Because I listen to my brain that's been working against me for years. When I try to fight it, it throws me in the dirt. Eventually, you've got to turn into Rocky and destroy it once and for all. I'm posting this here for accountability and to keep myself accountable every day. Let's go.
Blondie
Respected Member
You got this, @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11.
You're a fighter and you've got a glorious goal in mind.
I believe in you.
You're a fighter and you've got a glorious goal in mind.
I believe in you.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Day 2. So far, so good. My brain is trying to fight me and talk me out of this, of course. Staying the course today.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Day 5 today. I'm feeling happy and joyful. I have more energy and a clearer mind. I always ask myself about 10 days into a streak "Why would I ever waste my energy on pmo when I feel like this?". Then, I end up ruining it a day or two later. I'd like to avoid that this time. Onto day 6 tomorrow.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Day 6.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
Day 8. Morning wood this morning. Disappeared quickly, but it was there. On the right track. 
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
9 days in. Looking forward to 10 tomorrow. Having some thoughts and flashbacks. Not giving into their lies and tricks.
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11
Well-Known Member
PMO is like how the symbiote took over Spider-man and Peter. It turned him into the complete opposite of who he was at his core. It's power felt good, but it ended up ruining him. He ended up having to completely rip it off of him as if it was connected to his soul. PMO is a symbiote and bonds itself to our brain. It makes us think false and irrational thoughts, tells us lies and tricks us to keep us bonding with it so we don't rip it off of us and move on with our lives.