Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

As I begin the rebooting process once again, I'm only going to be on here every 20 days. I feel like constantly counting days and constantly analyzing each day is adding stress to my situation. I will be taking notes, as I go and will refer to them when I post on here. If one night, I'm really struggling, I'll probably post on here just to get it out of my mind. I appreciate all the support everyone has given me. Especially @Blondie and @Ezel. You two are so inspiring. Wish me luck. Talk to you all in 20 days. Stay PMO free 👍
 
What if:
What if I quit pmo forever?
What if I quit porn fantasy and reading porn stories online?
What if, for the first time I put everything I have into this and let all my anxiety and worries go?
What if, I just accept the reboot without question and in 3 months look at myself then vs now?
What if, I become the person I've always wanted to be and finally heal?
I've never been able to answer these questions, because of my continuing relapses. I will say though, I'm tired. I'm tired of porn and all the garbage that comes with it. I've never put my entire soul into quitting, only parts of me. Today, I'm ready to commit to that challenge. I've gotten to over 100 days in the past. I can get to 200 days if I really try. I deserve better. See, I've never been able to do things for myself only. I'm just not wired that way. I'm always doing things for others and helping them. I'm not bragging, just stating facts. I've never done anything for myself, and for my own benefit. I think I should this time. I'm the only one who can quit this for me. No one else is going to come along and hit the off switch. I have to commit, and I have to do this. I have to find freedom from the struggle.
 
Today was really really good. I have had a ton of energy all day. I worked out again, and I think that is helping. However, I know that hard days and nights will show up eventually during my reboot. Looking forward to those this time, because they are the key that unlocks the healing of my brain. A change of mindset, and just surrendering to the healing has been so freeing and relieving for me. All the other times I have tried and failed, I couldn't live my normal life or even attempt to make changes, because I was so worried and obsessed about it working. All I say now is bring it on. One day and night at a time. One positive step in the right direction is all I need.
 
Today was okay. I'm on day 4. I had more anxiety today then I usually do, and I'm feeling a bit tired. I watched a movie today, and without warning a love scene showed up on the screen. To say I was concerned, is an understatement. Lol. But it was quick and I got up and walked away as soon as I saw it. Other than that, I'm doing fine. Taking every day as they come.
 
Day 6: it's funny, when I'm off pmo for a long amount of time it's not hard at all to wake up and get out of bed and go through the day with all the energy that I need. But when I'm quitting, I'm groggy for a good portion of the morning and afternoon. Takes me a while to wake up.
 
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