First_step_thousand_miles
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Day 234 -- Happy New Year fellas! Just checking in, hope all is well
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I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back
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First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
You too my man!!
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First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Couple more notes -- Something to quickly add, I've recently been feeling more of the 'peeling back of the porn onion' -- what I mean by this is that earlier and earlier memories of watching porn are coming up in my mind these days, where now my mind is getting more excited over some of the earliest scenes (maybe my first year's worth). I think the more your brain responds to simpler stimuli (without all the twisted fetishes and fantasies we develop after years of porn use) the more it's healing, so good to see. That said, my MO's haven't been anything to write home about in past few weeks. Not terrible but not really good either, maybe a 6/10?
I do think I should mention I think I know what's slowing my progress. I'm certainly NOT looking at porn and MO'ing to porn, but I do catch myself lingering on images that I come across online of attractive women (often in ads and stuff, social media, etc). Sometimes I spend a few minutes googling the girl and watching her pictures and stuff. I'm also a fiction reader and online I caught myself a while back reading some erotica before I had the sense in 5min to shut it down (came across it totally accidentally). Thing is, I don't go deliberately looking for triggers but sometimes they just appear and my brain wanders to them before I need to pull back.
For me the strongest urges are when my heart is literally thudding in my chest and I get this heady feeling which is pushing me to feed the habit -- this feeling right here is EXACTLY what I felt before relapsing when I was testing the waters all those months back. So this is how I know it's not true libido but rather the 'addictive' center talking. Helps to distinguish true libido from the fake one
I do think I should mention I think I know what's slowing my progress. I'm certainly NOT looking at porn and MO'ing to porn, but I do catch myself lingering on images that I come across online of attractive women (often in ads and stuff, social media, etc). Sometimes I spend a few minutes googling the girl and watching her pictures and stuff. I'm also a fiction reader and online I caught myself a while back reading some erotica before I had the sense in 5min to shut it down (came across it totally accidentally). Thing is, I don't go deliberately looking for triggers but sometimes they just appear and my brain wanders to them before I need to pull back.
For me the strongest urges are when my heart is literally thudding in my chest and I get this heady feeling which is pushing me to feed the habit -- this feeling right here is EXACTLY what I felt before relapsing when I was testing the waters all those months back. So this is how I know it's not true libido but rather the 'addictive' center talking. Helps to distinguish true libido from the fake one
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Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Great awareness - I know EXACTLY what you mean - and this is the exact perfect thing to do in this scenario - recognize these litte red flags early on and making adjustments.
One thing that has helped me in situations like that is:
Think to myself - how crazy hard it was to get through the first few weeks away from this stuff. Why not just put in even HALF of that effort to protect those wonderful 100s of days free of it? If I could put that effort in to earn myself a week, I can put that effort in to keep my dozens of weeks!
So, going back to some of the vigilance and strictness that were used in the early stages, to nip in the bud these dangerous little things that could add up.
Also - I recommend remind yourself that you can choose your actions AND - remember 234 days ago how MUCH you wanted to be at this point? Imagine back to that time how much you wanted to be here and here you are!
I, and all of us know from experience, the feeling after using porn is just THE WORST, regret, feeling drained shocked that the addiction was able to trick us again.
And on the flip side beating the urges is energizing, builds confidence and keeps that momentum going towards feeling good and achieving our dreams - and Bruce Lee would encourage us all to be disciplined! ( awesome guy he was)
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Thank you my man, it's easy to just get into a rhythm and not really think actively about this stuff after a while. Minimizing these red flags I'm sure will become less important over time (ex. after 2yrs is very different from after 2 months) but important I think in your first 1yr to really stay strong and keep with it to maximize your progress.
1000000% on your point of thinking 'what happens after I use porn' -- answer is loneliness, shame, and a general feeling of crappiness. It's a terrible feeling once you've come so far, I have not desire to ever go back to it
Good news is even when I have all these triggers and I get porn urges, they're still nowhere near how strong they were the first week / month after quitting. It really does get easier. I'm not sure the urges will ever 100% disappear, but I'd say they're 80% easier to deal with. Maybe in a year that'll be 90% and maybe in a few years that'll be 95%. Either way, it's more than manageable by this point which is why there's no excuse to relapse now. That hardest part of the battle has been fought, now it's about sticking with it
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Day 239 -- Well starting day 235 I MO'd once a day for the next 3 days, all were strong MO's! Just as strong as those MO's I had a little bit before the 6 month mark, maybe 8-9 out of 10. Progress is lumpy and it's hard to say what did it, but I think being very deliberate about cutting out triggers helped quite a bit. Really goes to show though the longer you stick with it, the more progress you WILL see. 1 more day for 8 months into the program
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Thank you my man!! Amazing to have gotten this far and grateful for all of your advice and support. Looking forward to joining you in the 1+yr mark!!
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Day 240 -- I made it! 2/3 of the way there to a full year porn free. The improvements are very evident by this point. I can't say I'm 100%, or even 90% but I'm finally comfortable saying well past 50% of the way there. I know if I keep following this path I'll get to 100% one day
Watched Game of Thrones episode 1 today. If you've ever watched it, you know the sheer amount of nudity / sexual scenes. And yet, I barely felt any urges watching this show whereas a year back I would felt a pretty strong urge to PMO to something. Healing day by day
Watched Game of Thrones episode 1 today. If you've ever watched it, you know the sheer amount of nudity / sexual scenes. And yet, I barely felt any urges watching this show whereas a year back I would felt a pretty strong urge to PMO to something. Healing day by day
Congratulations on your 8months!
It helps to read post like this to keep confident in the way!
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Yeah it's a great show man, but SUPER risqué. So would only recommend watching it if you're very sure it's not going to send you down the P rabbit hole. I'm actually tempted to rewatch the show but I think it's best if I don't for at least a while longer. Plenty of other shows to watch anywayI love it! Keep it up brother.
You know I've never watched that show, but I have seen all the head crushing scenes on you tube
Best
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Glad it's helpful to you man, this community is so amazing. I never appreciated how powerful a support group could really be until I arrived online here, I'm not sure I would've succeeded in coming this far if not for seeing everyone else here go through the same journey and getting encouragement from amazing guys like @Blondie and @SmokenMirrors
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Day 241 -- Another pretty solid MO to a woman that pre-reboot I would never have been able to get hard & finish to. Fetishizing certain body parts is becoming less and less important to me getting & staying hard.
Moreover, one important observation is that I'm thinking of women less and less in terms of numbers (out of 10) and just more 'is that girl cute / beautiful' -- alongside this, I'm finding waaaay more women attractive than I would ever have pre-reboot. The range is increasing, which I really hoped would happen pre-reboot. I'm really happy to say this as I really didn't only want to be into the IG model / porn star body types but into just regular, natural girls. It's a great feeling to increasingly see women in this light (vs. just sexual objects alone as we're conditioned to by porn)
Moreover, one important observation is that I'm thinking of women less and less in terms of numbers (out of 10) and just more 'is that girl cute / beautiful' -- alongside this, I'm finding waaaay more women attractive than I would ever have pre-reboot. The range is increasing, which I really hoped would happen pre-reboot. I'm really happy to say this as I really didn't only want to be into the IG model / porn star body types but into just regular, natural girls. It's a great feeling to increasingly see women in this light (vs. just sexual objects alone as we're conditioned to by porn)
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
That is great man! Keep up the progess. Yeah the feeling of like enjoying a combination of being attracted to a girl and connection. It is such a different feeling of attraction version the compulsive type of PMO.
Feels really good. Thanks for posting, motivates me to get back there.
Feels really good. Thanks for posting, motivates me to get back there.
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Thank you man, it really is a magical feeling being increasingly more attracted to a girl's personality and her smile and all of these little things. I never really noticed / cared for this pre-reboot but I'm noticing it with way more girls. Has happened a couple times in the past few months that I can think of (yesterday and around Thanksgiving) where I really notice stuff like this.
Porn dulls you to this, you might not even remember feelings like this existed. I certainly didn't even though before I first PMO'd at age 18, now that I think back I had a ton of these amazing feelings but just forgot about them over the years. Really looking forward to exploring them once again
Winnerwhoabstains
Active Member
Man that is amazing keep it going! It is like a new level of presence and awareness to the women and the world in general I believe.
Keep up the good work.
Keep up the good work.
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Day 242 -- MO'd today very solidly to the skinniest girl yet. Average, skinny body type -- just a regular girl. And I was just as hard as when I'd MO'd to much more IG-type girls in the past.
Well that's enough testing of progress for now haha, I'm going to dial back on the MO's for a while and get back to a balance of 1-2x per week (or less if needed). 8 months in the progress is very solid. Can't wait to see where I'll be at the 1yr mark and beyond
Well that's enough testing of progress for now haha, I'm going to dial back on the MO's for a while and get back to a balance of 1-2x per week (or less if needed). 8 months in the progress is very solid. Can't wait to see where I'll be at the 1yr mark and beyond