SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Smashing life bro!
I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back
- Thread starter First_step_thousand_miles
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First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
What a bumpy road! Glad to be driving smoothly (for a while at least) haha. How're things with you my man?
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Thanks brother! Sounds like you are too, very happy to see it
Blondie
Respected Member
Doing well, thank you. I hurt my wrist a while back, so I'm not writing much here at the moment. But I'm staying strong, which is all that matters.
Best to you brother.
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Ah that's tough man. Maybe worth doing some PT for it? The human body is quite good at healing so just take it easy as you ramp back in (can't tell you the amount of times I've ramped 100% back in and then re-injured myself)
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Day 246 -- Nothing super new to report, the dong is working quite well for MO'ing but trying to minimize that. It is pretty hard sometimes though to do that when you're single lol. Either way, 10000x better than using porn and if I can keep the cadence low that's all you can ask for I suppose
Can't wait for Day 250 (upcoming Tuesday)
Also just wanted to mention that I'm going to make a Goals post for 2023. I'm not really a believer in traditional NY resolutions (why didn't you decide to change before?), but it's a great time to frame existing goals and add some nuance to them. Will make that post sometime soon when inspiration hits but really do encourage everyone to think about that as it's a useful yardstick to look at by end of year IMO. God bless all of you
Can't wait for Day 250 (upcoming Tuesday)
Also just wanted to mention that I'm going to make a Goals post for 2023. I'm not really a believer in traditional NY resolutions (why didn't you decide to change before?), but it's a great time to frame existing goals and add some nuance to them. Will make that post sometime soon when inspiration hits but really do encourage everyone to think about that as it's a useful yardstick to look at by end of year IMO. God bless all of you
Blondie
Respected Member
Almost there @First_step_thousand_miles! 
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Thank you sir! Planning to write a reflection post tomorrowAlmost there @First_step_thousand_miles!
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Day 250 -- When I used to see this on the YBOP Success Stories page, I used to think 'man 250 days so so far away.' Amazing that it just feels natural by this point. So where am I today / on average in terms of healing? My best guess is around the 2/3 mark to fully healed. Since everyone defines this differently, here's my interpretation:
Attraction to Many More Body Types: I can get hard to a girl with just an average body type. MO'd yesterday and was hard as a rock to this girl (name starts with Ch -- for my remembrance) from my workplace. I 1000% could not have gotten hard to her pre-reboot. The only time I remember even PMO'ing to girls with this body type were was my first 1-3yrs PMO'ing, switched pretty quickly to much thicker girls in real-life porn and impossibly thick girls in hentai. I'm now also able to get hard to girls of any ethnicity as well which I've discovered thru MO's in the past few months
Much Fewer Urges That Also Hit Less Hard: When I first tried to quit and test the waters, I could not go for a week w/out MO'ing. Those urges were insanely high and frequent, probably 5-6 out of 10 on average and 8-9 out of 10 when they peaked. I'd get them walking around and seeing an attractive girl, or watching a normal anime, or watching a TV show, or just even spacing out and remembering a PMO scene / fetish. These days, most of these things barely cause an urges (watching multiple episodes of Game of Thrones - which has a ton of nudity and sex - the strongest urge I had was maybe a 2 out of 10). Maybe on average the urges are a 2-3 out of 10 and at peak a 5-6 (still controllable). I've no doubt that in another 250 days even these numbers will come down much more. It really does become easier over time
Much Less Fetishization of Certain Body Parts: Now when I MO I don't overly need to focus on certain body parts to stay hard. I literally could not stay hard pre reboot w/out focusing heavily on those parts -- you know which ones gents. Even for most of the MO'ing during the reboot I needed to focus on those parts to maintain hardness (though this lessened over time). Now, while I definitely get more excited / aroused when I do focus on those parts it's not a 'must' for me to constantly be thinking about
Fetishes Mostly Gone or Vastly Diminished: I used to MO to some very messed up stuff. Blackmail, cheating, milf, and a bunch of other weird scenarios that would never play out in real life (not to mention hentai, my god that stuff is rat poison). These days when I let myself think about those fetishes (just to see where I'm at with them), often times I barely feel anything (maybe 0-2 out of 10 on urges). Sometimes there will be a stronger reaction but even that might be like a 4 out of 10 (vs. before when it would be an 8-9 out of 10 where I could literally not think about anything other than PMO'ing)
Increasingly Noticing Girls as People vs. Ways to Fulfill Urges: I started noticing this w/ a girl around Thanksgiving where physically she was the complete opposite of my preferred body type yet I was extremely attracted to her personality. Pre reboot if there was a girl like this I wouldn't have been attracted to her period. Again noticed these a few weeks ago with another girl who again was super skinny and I wouldn't have thought twice about but as we talked was also very attracted to her personality and more so physically than I would've thought before.
Overall I'm pretty pleased with the progress so far. I suspect that at some point I'll need to rewire with a girl to really get to 100% (maybe the peak w/out this is 90%? dunno). But I do feel confident that when I do really get back out there (and one of my main goals this year is to really start dating this year -- more to come on this later in a separate Goals for 2023 post), I won't need to worry too much about PIED.
One thing I haven't quite solved but I'm working on is avoiding starting at girls with IG-type bodies in super tight clothing when out and about (yoga pants are brutal lol). Any suggestions from folks? I read out Reddit about the bouncing eyes rule where if you do happen to notice then just bounce your eyes away and don't look again with the logic that over time it becomes easier as you develop that control. Based on research around alcoholism addiction, simply not looking at those things and moving your mind to other topics helped a ton in getting away from it. What's worked on this front for you guys?
Attraction to Many More Body Types: I can get hard to a girl with just an average body type. MO'd yesterday and was hard as a rock to this girl (name starts with Ch -- for my remembrance) from my workplace. I 1000% could not have gotten hard to her pre-reboot. The only time I remember even PMO'ing to girls with this body type were was my first 1-3yrs PMO'ing, switched pretty quickly to much thicker girls in real-life porn and impossibly thick girls in hentai. I'm now also able to get hard to girls of any ethnicity as well which I've discovered thru MO's in the past few months
Much Fewer Urges That Also Hit Less Hard: When I first tried to quit and test the waters, I could not go for a week w/out MO'ing. Those urges were insanely high and frequent, probably 5-6 out of 10 on average and 8-9 out of 10 when they peaked. I'd get them walking around and seeing an attractive girl, or watching a normal anime, or watching a TV show, or just even spacing out and remembering a PMO scene / fetish. These days, most of these things barely cause an urges (watching multiple episodes of Game of Thrones - which has a ton of nudity and sex - the strongest urge I had was maybe a 2 out of 10). Maybe on average the urges are a 2-3 out of 10 and at peak a 5-6 (still controllable). I've no doubt that in another 250 days even these numbers will come down much more. It really does become easier over time
Much Less Fetishization of Certain Body Parts: Now when I MO I don't overly need to focus on certain body parts to stay hard. I literally could not stay hard pre reboot w/out focusing heavily on those parts -- you know which ones gents. Even for most of the MO'ing during the reboot I needed to focus on those parts to maintain hardness (though this lessened over time). Now, while I definitely get more excited / aroused when I do focus on those parts it's not a 'must' for me to constantly be thinking about
Fetishes Mostly Gone or Vastly Diminished: I used to MO to some very messed up stuff. Blackmail, cheating, milf, and a bunch of other weird scenarios that would never play out in real life (not to mention hentai, my god that stuff is rat poison). These days when I let myself think about those fetishes (just to see where I'm at with them), often times I barely feel anything (maybe 0-2 out of 10 on urges). Sometimes there will be a stronger reaction but even that might be like a 4 out of 10 (vs. before when it would be an 8-9 out of 10 where I could literally not think about anything other than PMO'ing)
Increasingly Noticing Girls as People vs. Ways to Fulfill Urges: I started noticing this w/ a girl around Thanksgiving where physically she was the complete opposite of my preferred body type yet I was extremely attracted to her personality. Pre reboot if there was a girl like this I wouldn't have been attracted to her period. Again noticed these a few weeks ago with another girl who again was super skinny and I wouldn't have thought twice about but as we talked was also very attracted to her personality and more so physically than I would've thought before.
Overall I'm pretty pleased with the progress so far. I suspect that at some point I'll need to rewire with a girl to really get to 100% (maybe the peak w/out this is 90%? dunno). But I do feel confident that when I do really get back out there (and one of my main goals this year is to really start dating this year -- more to come on this later in a separate Goals for 2023 post), I won't need to worry too much about PIED.
One thing I haven't quite solved but I'm working on is avoiding starting at girls with IG-type bodies in super tight clothing when out and about (yoga pants are brutal lol). Any suggestions from folks? I read out Reddit about the bouncing eyes rule where if you do happen to notice then just bounce your eyes away and don't look again with the logic that over time it becomes easier as you develop that control. Based on research around alcoholism addiction, simply not looking at those things and moving your mind to other topics helped a ton in getting away from it. What's worked on this front for you guys?
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Blondie
Respected Member
I'm so proud of you @First_step_thousand_miles! What a milestone to accomplish brother.
As far as the wandering eyes go in regards to girls in yoga pants, that's a tough one. Like many things when it comes to recovery, there is a balance that needs to be found in this. On the one hand, the shape of a woman's backside is truly the Lord's work and it must be acknowledge as such, but on the other hand, unless you're going to approach her and try to talk to her, there's really no point in starring, because, besides the creeper factor, it will just make you sexually frustrated, much less, possibly relapse. What you mention is good, the bouncing eyes, or two second rule, is a good way to go about it. I like the two second rule, because you see her, you acknowledge her beauty, but then you move on with your day (mental note, I just changed that sentence from "you see it, you acknowledge it" to "her". Think about that!)
And you're correct, this really does just take practice, and it gets better as time goes on. I'm not perfect in this regard, but I've never been one to stare, because I never wanted to be "that guy". However, today I was back at school, and there was an angel walking before me that literally made me believe in God again, at least for a few seconds, it was probably three to be honest! Did I feel bad about this? No. Because, firstly, I wasn't scoping for hot girls (like so many guys I see at campus) I was just minding my business and she happened to walk right in front of me. Secondly, I appreciated her beauty for a few seconds (she literally made me want to write a song or something), but then I went along with my day and haven't thought about her since. Thus, I didn't feel bad about it, and my mind was not full of junk or any thoughts of looking at porn etc. Maybe I looked a touch too long, but in general, I felt like a red-blooded man, but also a good man, and that's key.
We're men, but we also want to be good men. Finding that balance is what this journey is all about.
Congrats again my man.
Best
As far as the wandering eyes go in regards to girls in yoga pants, that's a tough one. Like many things when it comes to recovery, there is a balance that needs to be found in this. On the one hand, the shape of a woman's backside is truly the Lord's work and it must be acknowledge as such, but on the other hand, unless you're going to approach her and try to talk to her, there's really no point in starring, because, besides the creeper factor, it will just make you sexually frustrated, much less, possibly relapse. What you mention is good, the bouncing eyes, or two second rule, is a good way to go about it. I like the two second rule, because you see her, you acknowledge her beauty, but then you move on with your day (mental note, I just changed that sentence from "you see it, you acknowledge it" to "her". Think about that!)
And you're correct, this really does just take practice, and it gets better as time goes on. I'm not perfect in this regard, but I've never been one to stare, because I never wanted to be "that guy". However, today I was back at school, and there was an angel walking before me that literally made me believe in God again, at least for a few seconds, it was probably three to be honest!
Did I feel bad about this? No. Because, firstly, I wasn't scoping for hot girls (like so many guys I see at campus) I was just minding my business and she happened to walk right in front of me. Secondly, I appreciated her beauty for a few seconds (she literally made me want to write a song or something), but then I went along with my day and haven't thought about her since. Thus, I didn't feel bad about it, and my mind was not full of junk or any thoughts of looking at porn etc. Maybe I looked a touch too long, but in general, I felt like a red-blooded man, but also a good man, and that's key.We're men, but we also want to be good men. Finding that balance is what this journey is all about.
Congrats again my man.
Best
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SmokenMirrors
Well-Known Member
Just a king doing kingly things! I am so happy for you, keep it up bro!
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Thanks brother, just following your example!
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Thanks so much for this super thoughtful reply Blondie! Some really good ideas here, the two second rule is probably the best way to go about this for now. I like the distinction you made that if you're not going to approach, then there's no point to keep staring (especially as you don't want to make women uncomfortable by being a creeper).I'm so proud of you @First_step_thousand_miles! What a milestone to accomplish brother.
As far as the wandering eyes go in regards to girls in yoga pants, that's a tough one. Like many things when it comes to recovery, there is a balance that needs to be found in this. On the one hand, the shape of a woman's backside is truly the Lord's work and it must be acknowledge as such, but on the other hand, unless you're going to approach her and try to talk to her, there's really no point in starring, because, besides the creeper factor, it will just make you sexually frustrated, much less, possibly relapse. What you mention is good, the bouncing eyes, or two second rule, is a good way to go about it. I like the two second rule, because you see her, you acknowledge her beauty, but then you move on with your day (mental note, I just changed that sentence from "you see it, you acknowledge it" to "her". Think about that!)
And you're correct, this really does just take practice, and it gets better as time goes on. I'm not perfect in this regard, but I've never been one to stare, because I never wanted to be "that guy". However, today I was back at school, and there was an angel walking before me that literally made me believe in God again, at least for a few seconds, it was probably three to be honest!
We're men, but we also want to be good men. Finding that balance is what this journey is all about.
Congrats again my man.
Best
Yoga pants are a curse lol as much as I appreciate the positives, they're no fun for guys seeking to recover. But hey, I have no say in what a woman wears -- just in my response to it. You're right that there's a balance, just not noticing girls at all isn't the answer. But I hope to appreciate women in even healthier ways over time, in the same way as your example of that girl above. I'm going to think about all of this some more, thanks brother!
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Day 251 -- MO's are really darn hard now (8 out of 10, maybe a 9 in some cases) and even when I stop touching my dong I'm staying fairly hard for longer and longer periods of time. Yesterday I was just touching it without really even thinking about women and I was getting hard! I don't know if I'm ready to MO to sensation alone but I am trending in that direction which is a huge relief
Blondie
Respected Member
I'm glad I could help.
Until then, when you see these beauties in yoga pants, think of them as your sisters, which will instantly switch your mind to different thoughts entirely, much more holistic thoughts. I don't mean blood sisters, but just fellow sisters, on the same team of life as you are. Thus, they might be beautiful and (hot) but they're fellow humans, and not just some object to be thought of for your own amusement.
Bless you brother.
Yeah, there really is no point. She's not yours, you have no intention to talk to her, so in my estimation, it's kind of an unmanly thing to do. And trust me, women know you're checking them out, so it really does you no good, especially if you have no intentions of making a move and talking to her. And for a guy like me who has a girlfriend, this is doubly so. Thus, we can see her, appreciate her for two seconds, then move on with our day with a little twinkle in our eye and a extra hop in our step.
lol I understand this completely, truly the greatest invention known to mankind. Trust me, you'll get a girlfriend one day, and you'll be happy they were invented.
Until then, when you see these beauties in yoga pants, think of them as your sisters, which will instantly switch your mind to different thoughts entirely, much more holistic thoughts. I don't mean blood sisters, but just fellow sisters, on the same team of life as you are. Thus, they might be beautiful and (hot) but they're fellow humans, and not just some object to be thought of for your own amusement.Bless you brother.
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Day 256 -- Just reflecting that the thought of porn doesn't get me going anymore. Some days it's like a 0/10, others maybe a 2/10 when I think about some of those really weird scenes that I used to get excited to. For any folks out there who are early in their journey, it really does get easier. No longer constantly clouded my porn scenes / a need to run back to my room to jerk off. There would be times I remember while I was at the office and I'd be so horny for some porn scene that I'd go to the bathroom and masturbate. How crazy is that? That wasn't true desire but rather just an addiction talking. Anyway, nothing else really new in the hopper. Just checking in, hope you all are well!
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Yes sir!!Everything is looking good here
First_step_thousand_miles
Respected Member
Day 258 -- Another strong MO last night, and I didn't feel remotely horny. Anyway, I promised to make a Goals post for 2023 so here it is:
1. Continue staying away from porn and rebooting. Just gotta stay the course here, might try kegels at some point but it may not be needed anyway given how solid things have progressed (albeit very circuitously!)
2. Get in much better shape. I'm 167-168lb right now, my ideal goal this year would be to lose 20lb of fat and recomp with 18-20lb of muscle. I'm good about the gym, just need to get better with food.
3. Date again. It's been a long time since I've done this actively looking for a LTR, I guess I'm open to hookups but I'm going to seriously look for LTRs. Honestly just going on some regular dates later this year would be great and getting to know girls
4. Learn to cook for real. I've been eating out a ton historically or cooking super basic stuff (ramen lol). Need to get at least to be decent at cooking, I'm going to buy ingredients this weekend and get going. Fits in with goal #2
5. Spend more time on golf. No more dumb tests ever again(!), so I really want to get back into golf. Played as a kid and then intermittently throughout the years, I'd love to put up a sub-100 score consistently either this yr or next yr
6. Make more friends and deepen existing friendships. This was also my goal last yr and I'm happy to say I accomplished a hell of a lot on this front. Absolutely deepened the relationships I cared about, and made some amount of friends in my area. I'd like to make many more and then figure out which ones I really click with and invest in those.
7. Doing a side project regarding work that I've been working on for over 4.5yrs now. I'd like to finally complete it over the next 3-5 months
8. Travel a hell of a lot, hang out with friends from a bunch of places, and just live life!
I think all of the above is doable. #2 will probably be the hardest but I'm gonna get after it and do my best. Worst case, I want to at least lose the fat, but ideally put on a lot of mass as well. #3 not easy either but PIED is no longer an excuse (nor do I want it to be).
Either way, I've put all of this down on paper so I can be honest with myself and measure at the end of the year. Honesty in general is a good policy but I think the one thing is MUST is being honest with yourself or else you can't improve and be a man worth being proud of. I'm looking forward to becoming that man and achieving my God-given potential. God bless all of you, to a great 2023!
1. Continue staying away from porn and rebooting. Just gotta stay the course here, might try kegels at some point but it may not be needed anyway given how solid things have progressed (albeit very circuitously!)
2. Get in much better shape. I'm 167-168lb right now, my ideal goal this year would be to lose 20lb of fat and recomp with 18-20lb of muscle. I'm good about the gym, just need to get better with food.
3. Date again. It's been a long time since I've done this actively looking for a LTR, I guess I'm open to hookups but I'm going to seriously look for LTRs. Honestly just going on some regular dates later this year would be great and getting to know girls
4. Learn to cook for real. I've been eating out a ton historically or cooking super basic stuff (ramen lol). Need to get at least to be decent at cooking, I'm going to buy ingredients this weekend and get going. Fits in with goal #2
5. Spend more time on golf. No more dumb tests ever again(!), so I really want to get back into golf. Played as a kid and then intermittently throughout the years, I'd love to put up a sub-100 score consistently either this yr or next yr
6. Make more friends and deepen existing friendships. This was also my goal last yr and I'm happy to say I accomplished a hell of a lot on this front. Absolutely deepened the relationships I cared about, and made some amount of friends in my area. I'd like to make many more and then figure out which ones I really click with and invest in those.
7. Doing a side project regarding work that I've been working on for over 4.5yrs now. I'd like to finally complete it over the next 3-5 months
8. Travel a hell of a lot, hang out with friends from a bunch of places, and just live life!
I think all of the above is doable. #2 will probably be the hardest but I'm gonna get after it and do my best. Worst case, I want to at least lose the fat, but ideally put on a lot of mass as well. #3 not easy either but PIED is no longer an excuse (nor do I want it to be).
Either way, I've put all of this down on paper so I can be honest with myself and measure at the end of the year. Honesty in general is a good policy but I think the one thing is MUST is being honest with yourself or else you can't improve and be a man worth being proud of. I'm looking forward to becoming that man and achieving my God-given potential. God bless all of you, to a great 2023!
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