I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back

First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
As you disconnect from porn, you may find that porn-like, casual encounters seem...less fulfilling. Perhaps if you had had time to get to know each other over several encounters, you would have seen a different response. In any case, congrats on your encouraging progress!
Agreed man, casual encounters have massively been losing their appeal. I wrote about that in the post to Blondie but I'm really just inserted in a longer term relationship. The trick is to find the right girl and have it be mutual. Either way, not using P is a step to getting there but just one of many
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @First_step_thousand_miles, it seems you've really been thinking about his thoroughly, which is great, and I think you're on to something.

I think all of these factors are important, but yes, probably the greatest one is just rewiring with a real woman, as you said.
The issue is I haven't really found a girl to consistently rewire with. It also really doesn't appeal to me try and go for a string of one nights stands, that's just not me honestly. In the moment it feels fun but the next morning or a day later it just feels empty.
This is beautiful, and it's great to know that about yourself. Most one night stands are basically just glorified masturbation, with nothing there besides two people getting their rocks off. I don't have a moral problem with it per se, but that is the truth of the matter for the most part. And even if there was something else there besides bodily needs (like a real connection), for your situation, that still really wouldn't help you.
Sure there's a moment of pride but it fades pretty quickly and nothing substantial really takes its place. Well, guess it's better late than never to figure out what you want and what you don't
Awesome!
o your point though, not MO'ing is probably the best way forward until I find someone for a longer-term relationship. But dammit it's so hard to keep a streak going for a long time. The last streak I lasted 20ish days I think before I gave in. I think I really need to take some mental energy and recommit to no MO because I'm not sure I feel in the state to do so right now. The non-PMO journey has led to a lot of good things but god is it exhausting sometimes, especially for someone who tends to overthink things.
Well, think of it this way, without doubt, porn is the non-negotiable item here, with everything else just being positives for your recovery in a periphery sense. So try not to be so black and white with the MO issue, just do what you can reasonable do without stressing out too much about it. That way, if you do "fail" before a certain day you were trying to get to, you can just get back up and keep on moving. Because ten days without MOing, then another ten days, is better than 27 days without MOing, then "failing" and throwing in the towel because you can't get to "90 days" or whatever. Anything here is better than nothing, though you should always give it your best shot.

I wrote this post on @Ezel's thread a few weeks ago, about trying to see each battle as a moment in time, and not in any undefined terms. It's easier to keep fighting, in this case, not going to MO, when you know the battle is only temporary and will not last forever. So maybe for you, don't think about some glorious 90 days of no MO, but only one week at a time, that is, one battle at a time.

You're doing great man. Keep killing it!
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
Hey @First_step_thousand_miles, it seems you've really been thinking about his thoroughly, which is great, and I think you're on to something.

I think all of these factors are important, but yes, probably the greatest one is just rewiring with a real woman, as you said.

This is beautiful, and it's great to know that about yourself. Most one night stands are basically just glorified masturbation, with nothing there besides two people getting their rocks off. I don't have a moral problem with it per se, but that is the truth of the matter for the most part. And even if there was something else there besides bodily needs (like a real connection), for your situation, that still really wouldn't help you.

Awesome!

Well, think of it this way, without doubt, porn is the non-negotiable item here, with everything else just being positives for your recovery in a periphery sense. So try not to be so black and white with the MO issue, just do what you can reasonable do without stressing out too much about it. That way, if you do "fail" before a certain day you were trying to get to, you can just get back up and keep on moving. Because ten days without MOing, then another ten days, is better than 27 days without MOing, then "failing" and throwing in the towel because you can't get to "90 days" or whatever. Anything here is better than nothing, though you should always give it your best shot.

I wrote this post on @Ezel's thread a few weeks ago, about trying to see each battle as a moment in time, and not in any undefined terms. It's easier to keep fighting, in this case, not going to MO, when you know the battle is only temporary and will not last forever. So maybe for you, don't think about some glorious 90 days of no MO, but only one week at a time, that is, one battle at a time.

You're doing great man. Keep killing it!
Makes so much sense man. Agreed on one-night stands. It's almost just a pride thing at some point (esp when you're younger) of sealing the deal and getting that girl in your bed. It's just not worth it to me anymore. I'm also prone to worrying about STDs as well which of course are way more common with one-night stands than with a partner who you've had such conversations with. Dunno, others may feel differently and that's fine but it's just not me

You're right. You gave this advice in a different way some time ago and I've taken it to heart -- when I 'fail' on MO I don't beat myself up too much as it's still staying away from Porn and that's the key. I was thinking about some porn scenes earlier and I did seem to get at least partially hard to them which goes to show that I'm still aways away from truly being healed. Which is ok, I'm becoming more free of the porn poison every day even if it doesn't feel like it. And I'm on this journey with you as a brother-in-arms, mad love & respect for you my guy!

Shooting for 90 days seems kind of aggressive and maybe not the best way. Like you said, will just try to take it one week at a time and see how that goes
 

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
"when I 'fail' on MO I don't beat myself up too much"

This is the right attitude. Masturbation is never a fail. Porn recovery is the goal here. It's important not to think of any slips as "failures." They're occasions to learn.
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
Hi @First_step_thousand_miles do try to stay MO free.
Aim for a week , then 2 then onwards.
P, M and O all have their individual distinct addictive issues and problems.
Do aim on getting yourself back to the beginning, when there was no p, no m and no o.
Those were the best days, when we love everything we do and do everything we love.

You can do this 💪🏼
You're absolutely right. Some of the happiest times in my life (maybe most?) were before I PMO'd. No reason why we can't have that now without it, thanks man
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
Day 311 -- Making progress on weight loss goals. Was 167-168 about 4-6 weeks ago, now at 162-163. Goal is to get to 160 in 3 weeks when I take a week off for vacation. Otherwise, staying away from porn of course and trying to stay away from MO

Fell off the working out bandwagon a bit from my work trip and getting back on in full swing this week. Also frantically trying to complete this big work project, hopefully get all that stuff done soon. Living life, seeing friends on weekends and staying connected. Overall when I put life in perceptive it's pretty solid. I really want to go from 'pretty solid' to 'amazing' by the end of this year -- I know it's possible. Cheers my friends, would love to hear about all of your own lives and goals as well
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
Day 312 -- Just checking in. Nothing super big to report, long week at work ahead but if I get through this next week should be pretty reasonable. Continuing to stay away from porn, I get these small urges super randomly still -- but it MASSIVELY beats the urges I got when I was first trying to quit. More of a whisper today, which is still annoying, but I can quash it pretty easily. Does take some willpower so have to stay on guard, but not too much so as to make life really hard or anything

That said, I do hope at some point, maybe 365 days / 500 days / etc that this fades over time as well. I think part of it will just be rewiring with a girl and then over time those old pathway vestiges will continue fading. There was a period (I have it journaled here somewhere) where I just didn't have any porn urges at all (and was also not in flatline)....so I know it's possible, but will probably take some time to settle in that groove long term

Either way, very glad to have quit porn -- onwards to bigger and better things
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
Day 321 -- Had a wet dream last night though this was with a porn star (don't know who) and there was some weird fantasy stuff in there (exhibitionism among them). Had another such dream maybe a week back (not as much fetishizing though) but forgot to log it. My brain is definitely still clearing up the pipes, I think no MO is playing a role here (no MO since day 310)
 
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