I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back

First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
Day 365 --With the conclusion of today, I've officially made it to the 1yr mark! So where am I relative to 1 year ago? I'm not where I want to be, but I'm way farther than where I was. When I started, I couldn't even MO to imagination to even porn star type girls. Now the MO's have been maybe not super consistent, but they are MO's to regular cute girls in the real world with normal sex positions. This is a huge step. Also I have had some great MO's to imagination with just regular sex in my head as well, it's just been periods of very good MO's followed by flatlines or periods of mediocre ones.

Officially starting no MO today (day 1 ongoing). I've been overdoing the MO's probably the past two weeks as well which hasn't helped and I feel the porn pathways need to weaken much more, so the best step from here is to stop the MO's for 90 days as promised.

What I'll instead do to fill the time and make myself the best possible version of myself over this 90 days:

1. Taking up the weight loss / lifting hard. I've been going easy / moderate on lifting for a while to avoid injuries but now I've been taking it slow 1-2x a week, I'm going to ramp that up to 3x. And going to do cardio another 2-3x days a week.

2. Diet. Going to make this much better as it's what's holding my weight loss goals back. Going to make the hard choices here

3. Reading. Lots and lots of reading of productive stuff including personal finance and self-improvement books. Going to really become my best self

This is what I'm planning on for the next 3 months of my life. Going to give 110% and look back on these 90 days knowing I made the absolute most of it as a human being. Let's move forward my friends
 

Blondie

Respected Member
@First_step_thousand_miles, I'm so happy for you brother! Congrats on getting to a full year porn-free. Days like this are magnificent yet insignificant as well. On one hand they are gigantic markers of personal growth and recovery, and on the other, they show how much further we have yet to go. But as they say, it's not the destination that is important, but the journey of discovery along the way. I know for myself this rings true. Sometimes it hasn't been the "day" that really makes me feel emotions, but just random days when it suddenly hits me how long it's been and how much better life is now.

It has been a pleasure going on this path with you, and I can't wait to see what this hero's journey has in store further on down the road.

These next three months will be awesome!

Best

Blondie
 
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First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
@First_step_thousand_miles, I'm so happy for you brother! Congrats on getting to a full year porn-free. Days like this are magnificent yet insignificant as well. On one hand they are gigantic markers of personally growth and recovery, and on the other, they show how much further we have yet to go. But as they say, it's not the destination that is important, but the journey of discovery along the way. I know for myself this rings true. Sometimes it hasn't been the "day" that really makes me feel emotions, but just random days when it suddenly hits me how long it's been and how much better life is now.

It has been a pleasure going on this path with you, and I can't wait to see what this hero's journey has in store further on down the road.

These next three months will be awesome!

Best

Blondie
II fucking love you. Thank you so much for the long-standing support all this way, you have been here since Day 1 of my journey and I'm most proud that we're together in spirit 365 days later. Life is better now, it's sometimes a bit harder but that's because before I was living life in this bubble. In stasis. Couldn't move forward. Now, life without porn is like being given the toolkit now to move forward. I still have to use the tools to build the life that I want, but now I have the right raw materials.

To moving forward and making the best of our lives!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
II fucking love you
Same brother! I fucking love you too. I would man hug right now if I could, but, these digital wastelands hinder such things.
Life is better now, it's sometimes a bit harder but that's because before I was living life in this bubble.
This is true. We have to pop the bubble
Now, life without porn is like being given the toolkit now to move forward. I still have to use the tools to build the life that I want, but now I have the right raw materials.
👍 👍

Best

ShoddyFlawlessDog-max-1mb.gif
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
Day 366 (2nd day no MO) -- Jesus, I just learned about the most disturbing thing I've heard in a long time. Apparently with the whole AI craze going on right now, AI gfs are becoming a big thing now. I though OnlyFans was bad enough, but this is next level scary. A year ago or even two years ago I honestly would have been much more tempted to PMO to this (not thinking of it as a replacement gf but more as something 'novel')

I really do fear for today's young people. I'm also grateful for quitting PMO at the 'right time' which was before all this stuff happened in late 2022 with the advent of ChatGPT. If I'm being perfectly honest (which I owe to myself and to the forum), I'm still a tad tempted to look at this. But fear not, it's like a 2-3 out of 10 urge (which I can control with ease these days).

I know enough and I've come far enough to know while more digital stuff like that will lead to pleasure, it will not lead to contentment. While it will seem like it fills you up, it will instead slowly hollow you out. I guess the thing to do here is to bucket what's a) in your control vs. b) out of your control. This stuff is clearly the latter. In the first bucket, all I can do is not use it and tell others that I care about to stay away.

Reminds me of a funny quote "why do pirates go island hunting for treasure when the real treasure is the friends they made along the way." I'd paraphrase it into a more serious question, why do people go looking for all these short-term pleasures when the real path to LT happiness was shown to use thousands of years ago?

Whether you are religious or not, I believe looking there will show the answers (whether Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Judaism, etc). Even all of the philosophers that talk about this topic draw upon religion to form the basis for their arguments (i.e. Marcus Aurelius). I think it's all simple in the end, really. Principles such as love tour neighbor, show kindness to those less fortunate, etc are timeless. I am only scratching the surface here (literally nowhere near an expert) -- going to do more reading on this over the next year. This post went in a different direction than when I started writing it haha
 
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Blondie

Respected Member
Jesus, I just learned about the most disturbing thing I've heard in a long time. Apparently with the whole AI craze going on right now, AI gfs are becoming a big thing now. I though OnlyFans was bad enough, but this is next level scary.
Yeah this shit is CRAZY @First_step_thousand_miles. I read an article not long ago that was saying Onlyfans will probably start "hiring" these AI models instead of the real thing, just better for business. Will it happen tomorrow? No, but in five years? It's possible. How ironic, this whole thing has been portrayed as good for women, that is, the feminists' idea that women could use their bodies and be in charge with no middleman getting the money. Obviously, that was all a lie from the beginning, most women don't even make much doing it, only a few are lucky enough to make the big bucks, but now, in a few years, that whole argument will be shown for what it always was, pure bullshit. Of course, the men have always been the suckers in this charade, and will only be more so in the near future, but the women have been tricked just as much. What a fucked up world we live in, and most people think this shit is okay, progress even. All this progress really makes you wonder what's the endgame in all of this?

Whether you are religious or not, I believe looking there will show the answers (whether Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Judaism, etc). Even all of the philosophers that talk about this topic draw upon religion to form the basis for their arguments (i.e. Marcus Aurelius).
Indeed. Love this.

I'm not anti-science per se, but I don't always understand the modern hysteria and "belief" in it, nor do I completely trust what it holds for our future. It is truly the modern religion of our times. An utterly materialist religion, replacing medieval priests in sacred garments, with sterile humans in lab coats, who have "all the answers". At the end of the day, it's a completely humanistic project, with all the flaws that that entails. Furthermore, this new science mixed with modern technological progress, brings us ever more questions with each passing year, with every new solution creating ten more problems in hindsight, the atomic bomb being the greatest example, overpopulation being the second. It doesn't matter if we can all live till we're two hundred years old and can fuck till were a hundred and nighty, we're ALL still going to die and return back to the dust we came from, whether on this rock or Mars or who knows where. No scientist will ever figure out that "problem", if it even is one, though looking around at the modern world, it seems to be the dark elephant in the room. No one wants to talk about it. Of course, we're told "it's beyond the domain of science" but what's the point of progress, if we have no destination or end game in mind? We're all so afraid of dying that most of us have never even lived. It is truly the age sentimentalism.

I like your thoughts. I'm not a religious man per se, but at the same time, there is something to say about the older ideas and stories, they actually moved the soul! Of course, science would say there's no such thing as a "soul", it's just some goddamned chemical or something, however, what's the poetic beauty in that? No wonder our world is so devoid of beauty and awe. In our desire for ever progress and more and more knowledge, we've relegated everything down to its most basic parts and chemicals. In this light, maybe porn really is the prefect answer to our atomized world. When we've denied our mythologies, or, even having a heart or soul, well, what's left besides getting your rocks off to some chemicals in your brain!

Best
 
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First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
Yeah this shit is CRAZY @First_step_thousand_miles. I read an article not long ago that was saying Onlyfans will probably start "hiring" these AI models instead of the real thing, just better for business. Will it happen tomorrow? No, but in five years? It's possible. How ironic, this whole thing has been portrayed as good for women, that is, the feminists' idea that women could use their bodies and be in charge with no middleman getting the money. Obviously, that was all a lie from the beginning, most women don't even make much doing it, only a few are lucky enough to make the big bucks, but now, in a few years, that whole argument will be shown for what it always was, pure bullshit. Of course, the men have always been the suckers in this charade, and will only be more so in the near future, but the women have been tricked just as much. What a fucked up world we live in, and most people think this shit is okay, progress even. All this progress really makes you wonder what's the endgame in all of this?
100% brother. I made the argument a while back when OF came out that it doesn't just degrade women, but what's the end game here? Honestly it will be sex dolls. People have been making AI sex dolls for a few years now even pre all of this stuff -- imagine what happens in a post ChatGPT type world when it gets 100x better? Funny story, there was an article I remember reading some years back I think of reddit of where hookers in some Eastern European country were out on the streets protesting because of a sex doll brothel that opened nearby which was taking all their business. Turns out even those horny men much preferred the doll that would not judge them and where they could fulfill any of their fantasies over real women...this is from old tech, imagine what happens over the next 5-10yrs where the tech is light years better

At the end of the day, these dolls which become more human-like over time (not even dolls as they can move around / react / etc) will replace hookers and AI's will replace the digital girls (cam girls, OF humans, etc). So to your point, what is even the point of utterly debasing our society like this and calling it feminism? For OF, it's only natural to switch to AI since like you say it's better for business - you can probably pay an AI less and an AI is on 24/7 and can simultaneously chat with millions of horny men. As a guy, it just makes me sad to know so many men will fall victim to this crap.

Mark my words, AI girls will also replace most instagram influencers as well...being 'hot' in the modern world at the end of the day is just a commodity (for the natural top 30% of women, they just need to be willing to work out 2 hours a day, be careful what they eat, get multiple plastic surgeries, and be willing to debase themselves -- no shortage of this in 2023). I've always thought this kind of profession should not exist because it damages the women themselves and damages countless men who are wired to look at scantily clad women. And just kills the morality of our society. I don't take pleasure in seeing people's livelihoods get wiped out, but I guess this goes back to just old common sense -- when you start from a bad place, chances are it ends up in an even worse place. Applies to many, many things in life.

Indeed. Love this.

I'm not anti-science per se, but I don't always understand the modern hysteria and "belief" in it, nor do I completely trust what it holds for our future. It is truly the modern religion of our times. An utterly materialist religion, replacing medieval priests in sacred garments, with sterile humans in lab coats, who have "all the answers". At the end of the day, it's a completely humanistic project, with all the flaws that that entails. Furthermore, this new science mixed with modern technological progress, brings us ever more questions with each passing year, with every new solution creating ten more problems in hindsight, the atomic bomb being the greatest example, overpopulation being the second. It doesn't matter if we can all live till we're two hundred years old and can fuck till were a hundred and nighty, we're ALL still going to die and return back to the dust we came from, whether on this rock or Mars or who knows where. No scientist will ever figure out that "problem", if it even is one, though looking around at the modern world, it seems to be the dark elephant in the room. No one wants to talk about it. Of course, we're told "it's beyond the domain of science" but what's the point of progress, if we have no destination or end game in mind? We're all so afraid of dying that most of us have never even lived. It is truly the age sentimentalism.

I like your thoughts. I'm not a religious man per se, but at the same time, there is something to say about the older ideas and stories, they actually moved the soul! Of course, science would say there's no such thing as a "soul", it's just some goddamned chemical or something, however, what's the poetic beauty in that? No wonder our world is so devoid of beauty and awe. In our desire for ever progress and more and more knowledge, we've relegated everything down to its most basic parts and chemicals. In this light, maybe porn really is the prefect answer to our atomized world. When we've denied our mythologies, or, even having a heart or soul, well, what's left besides getting your rocks off to some chemicals in your brain!

Best
Spot on here. Science has become a religion for so many, even when every passing year it's clearer that we really don't know as much as we think and much of what we thought is just untrue. Everyone has a choice of whether they want to be religious or not (and what religion they prefer), completely respect that. What I don't love though is when people make science their religion. That will never I think give the answers that you truly seek, it may nourish the biological heart but it will never nourish the soul
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
Day 367 (no MO since Day 364) -- had a porn-type dream last night. My system is clearing itself out as the fetishes are screaming to drag me back but I refuse to go back. Immediately woke up this morning with this 'desire' to relapse, but don't think I was in any serious danger of doing so as it took about 10 seconds for my conscious thoughts to overwhelm this addictive desire and assert itself.

Man what a journey, I need to be careful to abstain for ANYTHING that might serve as a trigger. Obviously includes porn videos / provocative women / erotica but also avoiding reading stories where it's talking about something sexual that turns my addicted brain on (which happened a number of times in past few months, but I just didn't realize it).

I can and will do it my friends. I was given multiple tastes to what life after porn is like with multiple incredible series of MOs, so I that gives me the hope and courage to move forward. In the meantime, going to accomplish all the goals I mentioned a few posts ago. Onwards
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
Day 368 (no MO since day 364) -- Another porn-type fetish dream, in this one I was actually having sex...though with multiple messed up fetishes. I know this tape, I've seen it before. My brain is going through the process of flushing out the crap, just gotta keep going. All good though, I'm staying strong. Temptations are WAY easier to deal with vs. the early days of the reboot...the longer you do this the easier it truly gets. Keep marching on
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
Day 369 (no MO since Day 364) -- Sleep has been rough for past few days, yesterday was awful. However, this always passes. I've realized the more you obsess about sleep the harder it is to actually get it. Instead, saying 'so what' and realizing you'll eventually normalize back to a regular schedule is the way you move past it. Easier said than done -- trust me, I realize that

No other big news to report, have felt some urges spiking up more so but I'm controlling it. Just need to keep at it until I find a new equilibrium
 

Blondie

Respected Member
I've realized the more you obsess about sleep the harder it is to actually get it. Instead, saying 'so what' and realizing you'll eventually normalize back to a regular schedule is the way you move past it. Easier said than done -- trust me, I realize that
OMG, this is so true. i realize this way too late in the game last time it happened to me. Lessons learned. but I do hope it passes soon brother.

Best
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Respected Member
OMG, this is so true. i realize this way too late in the game last time it happened to me. Lessons learned. but I do hope it passes soon brother.

Best
I also came to a startling realization you might find helpful. The past couple times I've gone through these tough sleep cycles, it's coincided with periods of no MO...the insight here is that my subconscious / unconscious is railing against not having any kind of outlet. We as humans desire to be soothed / pleasured / etc (whether through food / orgasms / etc)...I've also massively cut back on food to lose weight so I'm not getting much of those. I'm replacing some of it with exercise and other fun activities but great food and orgasms are hard to replace outright haha

This is why I think people struggle so much with sleep when on the program. Just my two cents. Thanks for the well wishes man, it's great that you had the similar insight. I guess your sleep has normalized once again?
 
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