I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back

TryingHarder

Active Member
I want to get to that point where I find real girls the most exciting thing in the world.
That will certainly happen in time! My own experience was like this: I have always found "ordinary" women attractive, but was constantly PMO to the fantasy, photoshopped girls that pretty much only exist in porn. 45 days into my reboot, and those images are quickly fading in my head, which is a good thing. I'm noticing more women at work and in the real world and thinking "this is a good thing".
 
That will certainly happen in time! My own experience was like this: I have always found "ordinary" women attractive, but was constantly PMO to the fantasy, photoshopped girls that pretty much only exist in porn. 45 days into my reboot, and those images are quickly fading in my head, which is a good thing. I'm noticing more women at work and in the real world and thinking "this is a good thing".
Good to hear. Right now I'm in this weird period of seeing girls outside and my mind is turned on but it feels like things are not yet linking to downstairs. It's getting a little weird where I feel like I'm staring...gotta stop doing that but my brain's looking for stimulation somewhere. Hope this normalizes soon
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
Another thought: in the world of porn, hot girls are all over the place and dudes get erections in 5 seconds that last an hour. :rolleyes: In real life, that's not how it works! It's natural that your mind is turned on long before your downstairs.
 
Another thought: in the world of porn, hot girls are all over the place and dudes get erections in 5 seconds that last an hour. :rolleyes: In real life, that's not how it works! It's natural that your mind is turned on long before your downstairs.
Makes sense man. Can't expect too much 20 days into the reboot, gotta give it at least 90 I think. Maybe even a few months longer though I hope by 90 I have seen a big enough improvement. Only thing to do is wait and see and be patient
 
Urges suck today, probably getting to a 4 out of 10 but I'm stopping them as I can see it easily creeping to a 6-7 (or more) if I entertain it. What actually started them was just seeing so many complete smoke shows just walking outside in my vacation. It's honestly ridiculous, I feel like literally 8 out of 10 women under 35 are highly attractive. Getting me definitely horny though only maybe 10-20% of the signal is going down there (I briefly fantasized while walking around and noticed myself get slightly harder).

Jesus, I've done a good job of avoiding my triggers but it sucks, sucks, sucks that just incredibly attractive women are all around me and becoming triggers in their own way. Basically just seeing them on its own isn't directly making me want to relapse (at least on its own). It's seeing them outside --> feeling that I won't be able to pull girls that attractive (vs. in P where they're always 'available') --> making me want to relapse.

TO BE CLEAR THOUGH -- I will NOT relapse here, don't you worry about me. I will make sure all of y'alls faith in me is not misplaced and I won't give up on myself. This is just an introspective post with some frustration about it all. Just want to repeat though again -- I don't want to only be into girls that look nearly or as hot as P girls. I want to be highly attracted to just average or moderately above average girls -- so no matter what after the end of this reboot, I want to be able to be happy with whatever comes my way.

Sadly 7 more days of this. Which I know sounds dumb to say in a way because it's a vacation, I'm spending a ton of hard earned money and I've wanted to do this trip for years. But it coinciding with the reboot is tough. Either way, when I go back to my home city I'm sure it'll still be fairly hard (though the sheer density here is crazy) as it's summertime after all.

Just a frustration, curious if any of you guys experienced the above. This is probably the worst day of my reboot so far (doesn't help being sleep deprived)...will stay strong and push forward fellas. Got to stay on THE PATH. Want to also record for posterity, I've noticed some anxiety creeping up at certain times. Know it'll eventually go away but think it's part of the mood swings that Gabe talks about

Edit: Also I don't want to keep this post all about struggle -- noticed in past week or so I've been holding myself a bit more confidently and able to have good conversations with people. Improvements talking to girls in general is improving (though again still not quite there with really attractive women). Anyway, this is encouraging and I didn't expect to see these proof points so early. Onwards!
 
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I'm in a writing mood to pour out all my thoughts (helps me deal with the urges). Setting these little milestones is SOOO important beyond just 90 days. I've hit 20 today and will hit 21 (3 week mark!) tomorrow. Next will be the 4 week mark (1 month) and then I want to set milestones at 5th week / 6th / 7th / 50 days / 8 weeks (2 months!) / etc

Breaking it up into bite sized chunks is so much easier than the yawning chasm to 90 days. I'm already making some progress towards my fitness goals but -- while being careful to avoid excess frequency -- I need to take it up a notch (get better at food control / do more cardio on off days / make sure I get 8hrs of sleep daily instead of barely getting 7 / etc). Making these plans gets me focused.

Other thing is to KEEP BUSY. I've been jam packed with stuff in the past 2-3 weeks, vacation this week, and then another busy ~3 weeks planned after that. This is helping soooo much as you don't have time to contemplate stuff. Anyway, peace fellas and may you all continue to be P free
 
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Blondie

Well-Known Member
It's seeing them outside --> feeling that I won't be able to pull girls that attractive (vs. in P where they're always 'available') --> making me want to relapse.

I've been here way back in the day, and it is a bad feeling indeed. Thinking those thoughts that you'll never be able to get a girl like that etc., thus, you start feeling bad for yourself and then that leads you back to porn. Been there, done that.

Are you there by your lonesome? Why don't you challenge yourself to talk to one of those girls you're seeing walk by? This is no greater feeling in the world than making yourself go up and talk to a pretty girl. In fact, just doing the act itself is almost better than getting a yes or a positive response. Trust me, no matter what happens, porn don't got shit on that moment.

I guarantee you whatever would happen, would be a 100x more interesting than going back to your hotel room for a session with your lonely hand.

I speak this from experience. Young Blondie was scared shitless back in the day to even talk to girls.

Just a thought.

Keep killing it.
 
I've been here way back in the day, and it is a bad feeling indeed. Thinking those thoughts that you'll never be able to get a girl like that etc., thus, you start feeling bad for yourself and then that leads you back to porn. Been there, done that.

Are you there by your lonesome? Why don't you challenge yourself to talk to one of those girls you're seeing walk by? This is no greater feeling in the world than making yourself go up and talk to a pretty girl. In fact, just doing the act itself is almost better than getting a yes or a positive response. Trust me, no matter what happens, porn don't got shit on that moment.

I guarantee you whatever would happen, would be a 100x more interesting than going back to your hotel room for a session with your lonely hand.

I speak this from experience. Young Blondie was scared shitless back in the day to even talk to girls.

Just a thought.

Keep killing it.
Thanks Blondie. Actually here with a friend, which thank god -- because coming back to my room alone, especially in a more vulnerable state like I am in now would suuuuck. But man, good to know I'm not alone in this and you've been in these shoes.

I've already made some solid strides speaking to women who are decently attractive and below (by conventional standards, not trying to be judgmental or anything here). Getting higher than that (i.e. girls who could IG model) and maintaining my cool is definitely harder....though slowly becoming easier I think ever since I started my reboot.

I know this will sound like a pussy answer, but I really do want to wait until my 90 days before casting my net. The last, last thing I want to worry about is whether the guy down there will cooperate or not. Frankly I also want to look at girls more as people vs. sex objects alone, hopefully that shift happens in next few weeks / months as well. Either way, I'm doing more approaches / starting more conversations and when other girls start conversations, I don't try to sabotage myself as much anymore & try to run away from it. Is there a long way to go? Yes. But I know I can get there. Appreciate your wisdom as always Blondie, what you're describing is something I need to do more and more of over the coming weeks / months
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
I like it!

I get the whole thing about where you're at too. As far as worrying about what "would" happen with your man downstairs, I wasn't necessarily talking about that, though I guess it could happen, which would be cool. Just more of a (as you seem to be doing already) getting out there and talking to and appreciating the fairer sex. :cool:

Have a great time!
 
3 weeks - I MADE IT! This is the longest I've ever stayed away from P since I was 18 and discovered it -- even beating my 1st attempt (2.5 weeks). Though I'm going to smack that 1st attempt out the f*cking water in this one. I know I had a sex dream last night though I can't really remember it (and this time it was definitely with a real girl lol). On to the 4th week
 
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Damn I just got up and can't get back to sleep. I think it's because of the jet lag but could also be driven by reboot as a direct symptom. But I think it's actually an indirect symptom of anxiety that's bubbled up as before going to bed I spent 1.5hrs just reading about this on both Reboot National and YBOP. That's usually helpful but I'm realizing it isn't good right before bed. The last 1hr before bed should be spent doing something enjoyable / relaxing (read a book, watch some TV, play some music, etc). Gives the brain a chance to relax as otherwise it can bring other anxieties to the surface.

I'm going to be transparent here -- I'm not happy with the way my life is right now and not just with PIED. Here are the biggest reasons why:

Tier 1 Issues

1) Lack of females romantically / PIED -- have maybe 3 female friends now (vs. 0 maybe 3yrs ago), so actually happy for that. However, don't have a female romantically. This is one I'm working on right now with the reboot & planning on getting after in the fall. Doing my best here

2) My body / weight -- I know I can do better. There have been times where I've had 10-12% body fat, while today I'm in the high-teens %. I know I can put on more muscle mass because I've had more before (and I know I can bo beyond). Here I need to get way more aggressive. I'm being careful on my vacation not to go crazy (and doing a ton of walking anyway seeing the sights) but once I get back -- no more f*cking around. While I'm way better this year vs. last yr on food, I need to kick this thing up a notch on cutting calories on the diet. Also need to ramp up working out via cardio for some off days. Doing 3x weights and 2x light cardio, need to bump this up to 4x weights and all 3x moderate cardio. Just as I won't let P control my mind, I won't let food control my mind either


Tier 2 Issues

3) Lack of time for hobbies -- Have wanted to develop some hobbies for a while now, specifically in playing way more golf and learning the guitar. I'm planning on doing more golf this summer with friends but just no time for the guitar. Reason is after work I've got these major exams in my industry, but if I finish them off in Sept I'll be home free. I haven't put in enough time studying, post-vacation I need to push real hard, crush these exams, and free up all this time for more enjoyable things

4) Need More Local Friends -- I need to make way more local friends. Guess the half dozen I have are ok for now, but really need to broaden this. Trying to do this with work friends but I need to do way more via other activities. I want to have plenty of opportunities to meet people, get out of the house, and also organic touchpoint to meet girls. Progress feels decent, need to get better though

Bottom Line -- Guess it all fundamentally boils down to fact that I feel like I'm just not where I want to be. Trying Harder & Blondie had some great thoughts that everyone goes at their own pace -- totally agree. I need to shift my mindset here somewhat but I just feel like my pace suddenly slowed down vs everyone else (or more likely I never noticed that I stagnated on a lot of these things a while back). Guess identifying the issues is a big part as is the courage & plan to get after it. Putting it all down here to be super honest. Rebooting will help directly with 1 of my goals but there's lots more that I need to tackle. I will make it
 
Day 23 almost over -- starting to get random boners, not 100% hard but maybe 60%. Urges are hitting in a big way as I see triggers everywhere with attractive women (when did every other woman suddenly start doing squats?). But even so, the urge to go fap has been lower as mentally I've hardened myself against it. Let's keep marching
 
I think withdrawal symptoms are hitting me HARD. For the 2nd night in a row despite walking 8+ miles / full stomach / dead tired, my sleep is absolute crap. Last night I woke up within 2hrs of sleeping (took 30min to fall asleep) and couldn't fall asleep again for 3+hrs. Today I woke up literally after only 30min of sleep! Woke up with my heart beaitng rapidly like there was internal anxiety / turmoil. Occasionally have trouble falling asleep, but that's maybe once every 2 months for a few days and it's ALWAYS been related to some inner anxiety that I'm not addressing. This time I'm trying to address all of it (see goals in earlier post above) but I'm still getting it aggressively. Feeling mildly anxious at random spots throughout the day too.

@Blondie @SmokenMirrors sorry to bug you but can you relate your own withdrawal symptom experiences with regards to sleeping challenges? Did you face any of this & around what time did they arise? Asking because while I've taken everything else pretty even-keel, losing my sleep makes me worry (sleep is so critical to overall health, mood, losing fat, putting on mass, etc). How long did this last and did it resolve by itself? How do you know whether it is related to actual withdrawal symptoms from quitting PMO vs. other stuff? I wondered if it was the latter but just given show sharply this has all changed I'm leaning towards it being withdrawal symptoms. Was actually going to ask about those soon as I feel like I really haven't faced the brunt of those yet

Can't think of anything in my life that has drastically changed in the past month (or will change in a month) other than quitting PMO. All the fears above I've named both now but also mentally so don't see how it's anything but PMO the more I think. Really appreciate your thoughts in advance, I'm really upset by this right now and typing frantically
 
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SmokenMirrors

Active Member
I think withdrawal symptoms are hitting me HARD. For the 2nd night in a row despite walking 8+ miles / full stomach / dead tired, my sleep is absolute crap. Last night I woke up within 2hrs of sleeping (took 30min to fall asleep) and couldn't fall asleep again for 3+hrs. Today I woke up literally after only 30min of sleep! Woke up with my heart beaitng rapidly like there was internal anxiety / turmoil. Occasionally have trouble falling asleep, but that's maybe once every 2 months for a few days and it's ALWAYS been related to some inner anxiety that I'm not addressing. This time I'm trying to address all of it (see goals in earlier post above) but I'm still getting it aggressively. Feeling mildly anxious at random spots throughout the day too.

@Blondie @SmokenMirrors sorry to bug you but can you relate your own withdrawal symptom experiences with regards to sleeping challenges? Did you face any of this & around what time did they arise? Asking because while I've taken everything else pretty even-keel, losing my sleep makes me worry (sleep is so critical to overall health, mood, losing fat, putting on mass, etc). How long did this last and did it resolve by itself? How do you know whether it is related to actual withdrawal symptoms from quitting PMO vs. other stuff? I wondered if it was the latter but just given show sharply this has all changed I'm leaning towards it being withdrawal symptoms. Was actually going to ask about those soon as I feel like I really haven't faced the brunt of those yet

Can't think of anything in my life that has drastically changed in the past month (or will change in a month) other than quitting PMO. All the fears above I've named both now but also mentally so don't see how it's anything but PMO the more I think. Really appreciate your thoughts in advance, I'm really upset by this right now and typing frantically
You're not bugging me man! With me, I had about 3 or 4 sleepless nights in my hard reboot and it was directly related to porn withdrawal. They receded eventually and were replaced by wet dreams haha

This is a good sign, it shows your brain is starting to detox! Embrace each restless night you have, it is simply a part of the healing process and it's a sign that the abstinence is working!
 
You're not bugging me man! With me, I had about 3 or 4 sleepless nights in my hard reboot and it was directly related to porn withdrawal. They receded eventually and were replaced by wet dreams haha

This is a good sign, it shows your brain is starting to detox! Embrace each restless night you have, it is simply a part of the healing process and it's a sign that the abstinence is working!
Thanks so much for your insight man! YBOP lists the #1 and #2 withdrawal as insomnia / trouble sleeping and anxiety (which are both also related I think). Some people seem to have it for 3+ weeks while others like yourself only have it for a few days. Don't know which camp I'll fall in but really hope it's yours -- you never really appreciate the beauty of a simple night's rest until you don't have it anymore

Knee-jerk reaction to this is that given how crappy this is right now, I NEVER want to go through the pain of another reboot and it's hardening my motivation, now that you've also helped me realize this is part of the healing process (btw wet dreams are surely a sign of healing IMO, great that you have them even though they're not fun to clean up). Thanks my guy
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
Hey First Step, no big deal.

About two or so months into my reboot I experienced some sleeping problems for quite a while actually, possibly a month in total. I could never figure out what it could be from besides my rebooting process. About two months ago I experienced the same thing, and this last week, also, though not nearly so bad. I guess some of this could be from other reasons in my life, stress with school etc., but I've never had problems sleeping before, so it seems that the reboot was the cause. And since I'm not drinking coffee (currently 3 weeks today), I sure as hell can't blame my recent sleepless nights on that!

This too shall pass.

No matter how annoying and frustrating it is, just think about it this way. If this shit has the power to mess up your sleep patterns, we probably shouldn't be playing with it.

How's that for motivation?

Best dude.
 
Hey First Step, no big deal.

About two or so months into my reboot I experienced some sleeping problems for quite a while actually, possibly a month in total. I could never figure out what it could be from besides my rebooting process. About two months ago I experienced the same thing, and this last week, also, though not nearly so bad. I guess some of this could be from other reasons in my life, stress with school etc., but I've never had problems sleeping before, so it seems that the reboot was the cause. And since I'm not drinking coffee (currently 3 weeks today), I sure as hell can't blame my recent sleepless nights on that!

This too shall pass.

No matter how annoying and frustrating it is, just think about it this way. If this shit has the power to mess up your sleep patterns, we probably shouldn't be playing with it.

How's that for motivation?

Best dude.
Really, really appreciate it dude. Yeah, sounds like you've gone through sleeping issues as a withdrawal symptom as well. General stress is just natural for adults (which makes me a little sad since I never had any such issues before entering the working world) if it's once in a while. My dad was telling me he had trouble sleeping 2 nights in a row at this hotel (and he sleeps like a baby, one of those rare people that can largely compartmentalize work & other pressures from the rest of life). Not worried if I have a few 5-6hr rest nights every few months if I must.

Yeah totally makes sense. Our minds almost seem to want to invent other reasons but it keeps coming back to the reboot process as you say. You are 100% on the money, if this is bad enough that it disrupts our rest and causes so much inner turmoil / anxiety (which we only really realize when we quit), we shouldn't touch this stuff with a stick. Thanks man, very motivated. Will just have to suffer through this for a while to come out stronger on the other side. Fortunately as you say, most don't have this symptom beyond a few weeks
 
Man, got to sleep after spending 1.5-2hrs awake reading more about this stuff, and Blondie / Smoke's answers. Even had a dream where I was flirting with this girl and I was just about to make a move -- you know that amazing feeling where you like a pretty girl, you think it's mutual, and you're about to make a move? That wonderful feeling...I realize P will NEVER have that. You only get that IRL with real girls. Helped me better understand what I was fighting for.

Anyway, answers above really helped calm me down & realize it was part of the process (about 6hrs of sleep last night). Just a phase that I will make it through. That said, I've been checking YBOP and stuff right before bed which I'll stop as I think it might be contributing to internal turmoil while I sleep. Will spent the 1hr before bed doing something relaxing, like watching a comedy TV show or reading

How I'll aim to minimize withdrawal symptoms aside from the above -- eat healthier, exercise daily (more dopamine, more tired, etc), diligently follow supplement routine. On last one, on vacation right now & didn't bring supplements. What I take regularly though -- fish oil, magnesium, vitamin d -- which all scientifically are proven to improve mood / limit anxiety / depression. So theoretically should help reduce these symptoms in the withdrawal to make it less painful.

Now after several days of seeing attractive women around, my brain seems to be slowly normalizing. Brain is searching for a P substitute but I'm holding fast. Withdrawal symptoms are hardening my resolve since if I need to go through hell, I'd rather only go through it once vs. start from Day 1 and suffer. Signing off
 
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Had another dream last night w/ a girl from my past. Had gone on some dates with her but stopped pursuing her as some of the magic had faded. Not a sex dream, but definitely felt that emotional pull that I've been missing. usually these types of dreams I only have 1x, MAYBE 2x a year at most. But I've had several in just the past month (and two nights in a row)!

Brain feels like its healing. Think this is part of the process that helps see girls as people vs. sex objects. Great stuff seeing all this unfold
 
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