I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back
- Thread starter First_step_thousand_miles
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First_step_thousand_miles
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Thanks man! Hope yours is going well
First_step_thousand_miles
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2 Months P Free -- Wow! This feels crazy but I've been P free since May 15 so unless I'm counting like an idiot, I'm 8 weeks down!
Much more to come. I've been MO-free for a little over a week now as per my pledge of at least staying that way until Day 100. Let's keep going fellas
Funny enough, I don't get P-urges very much anymore. The urges are more to MO when I see a really attractive girl around (MO seems to have replaced P in my mind). One good thing here is that MO is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than PMO so I really feel like I've made a ton of progress, esp since I don't require porn fantasy when I MO either (just regular fantasy). I don't want to put a hard number on it, but I feel like I'm >50% cured from PIED. Feels great to have committed to something for so long
Much more to come. I've been MO-free for a little over a week now as per my pledge of at least staying that way until Day 100. Let's keep going fellas
Funny enough, I don't get P-urges very much anymore. The urges are more to MO when I see a really attractive girl around (MO seems to have replaced P in my mind). One good thing here is that MO is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than PMO so I really feel like I've made a ton of progress, esp since I don't require porn fantasy when I MO either (just regular fantasy). I don't want to put a hard number on it, but I feel like I'm >50% cured from PIED. Feels great to have committed to something for so long
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Thanks a bunch man! I feel like I'm getting to this state when I see a TV show and two people are having sex on camera, it feels almost weird because it's in 3rd person. Even when I thought back to specific scenes I used to be into, I'm almost turned off by it given the positioning. Maybe it's strange, but I feel like the MO helped in some ways as I visualized first person sex and so the 3rd person stuff now is becoming less interesting
It's been quite the journey so far. Going to keep MO-free until Day 100 for sure. As always, love your support & encouragement
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Well I keep forgetting to document this but I'm getting random boners these days. Not 100% hard generally (ranges between 60-90%) but hey, nice progress marker
Mood is mediocre at times, trying to exercise a lot more which is great. I want to live my best life. Plan is to workout through Sept & hopefully lose at least 15lb (if not 20lb) of fat by then
Mood is mediocre at times, trying to exercise a lot more which is great. I want to live my best life. Plan is to workout through Sept & hopefully lose at least 15lb (if not 20lb) of fat by then
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First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
In other news was watching some TV today and got horny once some attractive girls came on-screen, had to resist urge to MO as that would almost be softcore since it's not a real life girl
Man one thing that is super hard is when I see attractive girls outside. It feels so hard to stop staring & I don't want to be a creep. Before I'd just glance away and then go back & MO to a girl who looked like her but that's clearly not a healthy habit. This is something I've got to find a solution for, perhaps this means I need more time in the reboot
Tomorrow is officially Day 60
Man one thing that is super hard is when I see attractive girls outside. It feels so hard to stop staring & I don't want to be a creep. Before I'd just glance away and then go back & MO to a girl who looked like her but that's clearly not a healthy habit. This is something I've got to find a solution for, perhaps this means I need more time in the reboot
Tomorrow is officially Day 60
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First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Man, the chaser effect really does wear off after a while. A good 2-3 days after my last MO it was brutal but ever since then I've largely been coasting. Never want to MO excessively again, that feeling is no fun
Nothing much else to report. MO free for like 10+ days now
Nothing much else to report. MO free for like 10+ days now
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Low sex drive, probably a good thing. Went out last night with some friends & things felt kinda dead down there. Penis feels normal sized (not shriveled as I felt before) but still no real desire to do much. Gotta make more of an effort to talk to girls but yesterday the motivation was just not there at all
Feels weird not being constantly horny like 1x a day or at least every other day. But I didn't M until college anyway, hard to recall back to high school but don't think I was horny that often back in the day either. Everyone's natural libido is different I suppose but one big way to raise it is just to do strength training. Otherwise it's the usual suspects like getting good sleep, avoiding drugs & limited alcohol, etc. I'm doing a lot of this to get fit anyway but side benefit is that when things normalize my libido should be pretty solid
I'm sure this is temporary, will keep chugging on. Never thought I'd get this far so far & what's really surprising is how much easier it's become to avoid P. Yesterday I did briefly have a flashback to a favorite porn scene, so there's definitely some of that monkey mind trying to get me back into it but by and large the 2nd month has been easier than the first.
I guess eventually using dating apps will be a bit easier than I imagined -- though I think it'll still be trying to frantically activate that monkey mind into P if I'm not careful. Either way, this is just a speculation, have to wait and see
Good to know I won't be a slave to porn forever & things do get easier over time. Can't wait to cross 100 days
Feels weird not being constantly horny like 1x a day or at least every other day. But I didn't M until college anyway, hard to recall back to high school but don't think I was horny that often back in the day either. Everyone's natural libido is different I suppose but one big way to raise it is just to do strength training. Otherwise it's the usual suspects like getting good sleep, avoiding drugs & limited alcohol, etc. I'm doing a lot of this to get fit anyway but side benefit is that when things normalize my libido should be pretty solid
I'm sure this is temporary, will keep chugging on. Never thought I'd get this far so far & what's really surprising is how much easier it's become to avoid P. Yesterday I did briefly have a flashback to a favorite porn scene, so there's definitely some of that monkey mind trying to get me back into it but by and large the 2nd month has been easier than the first.
I guess eventually using dating apps will be a bit easier than I imagined -- though I think it'll still be trying to frantically activate that monkey mind into P if I'm not careful. Either way, this is just a speculation, have to wait and see
Good to know I won't be a slave to porn forever & things do get easier over time. Can't wait to cross 100 days
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First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
MO'd today. Well the streak lasted over 10 days on that. But still of course, no P (never P). At least it was with a girl I knew IRL (and I was hard as a rock esp towards the end -- again something I couldn't do pre reboot), she sits next to me at work (name starts with An -- only mentioning this for my personal recall). Hard day today in some ways, found out on of my friends just got a gf today. That's not unusual but this particular friend -- while I love him -- is one of the most awkward guys in the entire world. I'm happy for him but I guess hearing that he got a gf made me question my own self worth as I always thought I'd be in a healthy relationship before him. This just made me realize how life is really passing me by & so many guys have found women that they're building futures with.
I sit in a set of 6 cubicles, literally 4 of the people in those cubicles are in LT relationships (1 is married). It's just me and this girl who's 23 who are single. Of the friends I hang out with from work, all of them are in LT relationships. I'm increasingly realizing that I'm the odd man out. Never noticed this before Covid when I wasn't even 24 as a lot of people were single but I feel like as soon as I turned 25 a bunch of people began to pair up (or maybe I just noticed around then). Now I know a decent amount of guys who aren't in relationships too but the older I get the higher % of people that are. I only wish I'd noticed all this stuff even just 2yrs ago and I would have started on all of these changes earlier (weight loss, quitting P, etc). Can't change the past but I wish so badly that I could
All that said, I also don't want to rush into a relationship with a girl who's not a right fit either. But I realize that I need to put myself out there. I've got a strong plan on weight loss I'm working on currently achieving. The other thing that frustrated me today was that I have this scar that I'm getting basically removed but the full process will take until early Oct to complete. So because of that, I was frustrated knowing I couldn't even really get going with dating until then either (deeply uncomfortable with how they look right now). It did motivate me to accelerate my weight loss plans though. On the bright side I guess, by that point I'll have been over 4 months P-free by which point the PIED is closer to being fixed than ever
Well them's the strokes right now, tough day but I'll get past it. Feel like I'm 50-60% of the way cured from PIED / relying on porn. Now the remaining portion will probably be harder than the preceding one but I know I can make it
I sit in a set of 6 cubicles, literally 4 of the people in those cubicles are in LT relationships (1 is married). It's just me and this girl who's 23 who are single. Of the friends I hang out with from work, all of them are in LT relationships. I'm increasingly realizing that I'm the odd man out. Never noticed this before Covid when I wasn't even 24 as a lot of people were single but I feel like as soon as I turned 25 a bunch of people began to pair up (or maybe I just noticed around then). Now I know a decent amount of guys who aren't in relationships too but the older I get the higher % of people that are. I only wish I'd noticed all this stuff even just 2yrs ago and I would have started on all of these changes earlier (weight loss, quitting P, etc). Can't change the past but I wish so badly that I could
All that said, I also don't want to rush into a relationship with a girl who's not a right fit either. But I realize that I need to put myself out there. I've got a strong plan on weight loss I'm working on currently achieving. The other thing that frustrated me today was that I have this scar that I'm getting basically removed but the full process will take until early Oct to complete. So because of that, I was frustrated knowing I couldn't even really get going with dating until then either (deeply uncomfortable with how they look right now). It did motivate me to accelerate my weight loss plans though. On the bright side I guess, by that point I'll have been over 4 months P-free by which point the PIED is closer to being fixed than ever
Well them's the strokes right now, tough day but I'll get past it. Feel like I'm 50-60% of the way cured from PIED / relying on porn. Now the remaining portion will probably be harder than the preceding one but I know I can make it
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First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
WARNING - Below might be TMI (nothing really triggering for P users, more just a potential medical issue)
Holy crap I got 0 sleep last night because my penis was so incredibly itchy. You have no idea how crappy it is to be unable to fall asleep because of itchiness, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Need to see a derm soon. I've noticed the past 3-4 months when I've MOd my penis has gotten flaky / shedded and generally it's gotten itchy (along with my scrotum). I believe I know the reason why, I threw out all of my hand lotion (which I used as lube ever since I first started masturbating) when I decided to quit P as I didn't want any temptations. I think I did this originally in Mar. After than whenever I've MOd I've by default used conditioner as its the only thing I really had around (tried shampoo / soap a few weeks ago, never again -- the burnnn). Have been reading online that conditioner is NOT a good idea for lube given it has a lot of chemicals & has properties that are not good for sensitive skin like the penis. I have all the symptoms including swelling, skin has been flaky for a while after MO sessions (was wondering why this was), some pain occasionally (it is not very good for its intended purpose as a lube) & itchiness. Man this is yet another sign from the big guy. Already got STD tested in May and everything came back negative so I know it's not that. Going to get this checked out by a derm this week to confirm
Holy crap I got 0 sleep last night because my penis was so incredibly itchy. You have no idea how crappy it is to be unable to fall asleep because of itchiness, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Need to see a derm soon. I've noticed the past 3-4 months when I've MOd my penis has gotten flaky / shedded and generally it's gotten itchy (along with my scrotum). I believe I know the reason why, I threw out all of my hand lotion (which I used as lube ever since I first started masturbating) when I decided to quit P as I didn't want any temptations. I think I did this originally in Mar. After than whenever I've MOd I've by default used conditioner as its the only thing I really had around (tried shampoo / soap a few weeks ago, never again -- the burnnn). Have been reading online that conditioner is NOT a good idea for lube given it has a lot of chemicals & has properties that are not good for sensitive skin like the penis. I have all the symptoms including swelling, skin has been flaky for a while after MO sessions (was wondering why this was), some pain occasionally (it is not very good for its intended purpose as a lube) & itchiness. Man this is yet another sign from the big guy. Already got STD tested in May and everything came back negative so I know it's not that. Going to get this checked out by a derm this week to confirm
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Well one of my MAJOR goals has definitely been achieved. I can get hard to regular cute girls now when I MO! In addition to girl a few days ago, I was able to get hard just fine to another girl from work (name starts with Ch, again only mentioning this for my own memory) standing up of all things. Also a cute girl for sure, but no porn-star type body. I could NEVER have done this before my reboot
When I M, I'm also using fairly slow strokes which is awesome. There's no longer a need to press out super fast strokes for fear of losing my erection (which I constantly had to do when using porn). I can clearly tell I'm healing. First girl I M'd to maybe 40 days in or so was literally a 10/10. Today, I'm able to M to a girl who's a 7/10 using nothing but my imagination and using a perfectly normal fantasy (no crazy positions / situations / clothing / etc). Can't wait to keep progressing, when I can get hard just fine to girls who I feel are a 6/10 standing up I'll know that I'm just about healed -- though of course gotta finally test it with a real girl.
Honestly the MO has been a good journey for me net net. I've at least had sex with one girl so I have a sense of what sex feels like (vs having to imagine it from scratch, can't imagine how hard that must be), so the MO is really helping me rewire (though of course the best rewiring is done with a partner). Using slow strokes, imagining regular situations, using regular cute girls you see IRL (vs. 10/10 porn stars), trying standing up (which was a problem for me even while using porn!), no death grip -- and despite all that getting consistent strong erections! Honestly I'm so, so happy to have gotten this far. Gives me a lot of confidence I can make it the rest of the way
One last thing just to remind myself -- can't abuse MO. While still better than P by far, more than 1-2x a week of MO is NOT good. At some point might also take a longer break from MO but right now it's really improving my confidence & showing clear markers of improvement so I'm not going to beat myself up about it. Big believer in @Blondie 's point that it's not black and white but there are some shades of grey. Porn is the true enemy, and I feel like I've really conquered it (though must always be vigilant!). Guess a lot of folks here have never really had problems MOing to fantasy so maybe it's harder to give up P as doing the former isn't as special / good for them. For me, in a ton of ways it feels like MOing to regular fantasy feels just as good (if not better sometimes) than regular porn esp I don't feel crappy afterwards. Anyway long blurbs but I felt I had to get this out & document it for future me
When I M, I'm also using fairly slow strokes which is awesome. There's no longer a need to press out super fast strokes for fear of losing my erection (which I constantly had to do when using porn). I can clearly tell I'm healing. First girl I M'd to maybe 40 days in or so was literally a 10/10. Today, I'm able to M to a girl who's a 7/10 using nothing but my imagination and using a perfectly normal fantasy (no crazy positions / situations / clothing / etc). Can't wait to keep progressing, when I can get hard just fine to girls who I feel are a 6/10 standing up I'll know that I'm just about healed -- though of course gotta finally test it with a real girl.
Honestly the MO has been a good journey for me net net. I've at least had sex with one girl so I have a sense of what sex feels like (vs having to imagine it from scratch, can't imagine how hard that must be), so the MO is really helping me rewire (though of course the best rewiring is done with a partner). Using slow strokes, imagining regular situations, using regular cute girls you see IRL (vs. 10/10 porn stars), trying standing up (which was a problem for me even while using porn!), no death grip -- and despite all that getting consistent strong erections! Honestly I'm so, so happy to have gotten this far. Gives me a lot of confidence I can make it the rest of the way
One last thing just to remind myself -- can't abuse MO. While still better than P by far, more than 1-2x a week of MO is NOT good. At some point might also take a longer break from MO but right now it's really improving my confidence & showing clear markers of improvement so I'm not going to beat myself up about it. Big believer in @Blondie 's point that it's not black and white but there are some shades of grey. Porn is the true enemy, and I feel like I've really conquered it (though must always be vigilant!). Guess a lot of folks here have never really had problems MOing to fantasy so maybe it's harder to give up P as doing the former isn't as special / good for them. For me, in a ton of ways it feels like MOing to regular fantasy feels just as good (if not better sometimes) than regular porn esp I don't feel crappy afterwards. Anyway long blurbs but I felt I had to get this out & document it for future me
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Porn memories do ocassionally pop up once in a while and there is a mild urge. However, thankfully nothing so far (knock on wood) that's been a massive urge. Either way, apparently because of that whole conditioner issue (see a few posts earlier) I need to take 2 weeks off from MO -- ideally a bit longer just to let the area heal. Not the worst thing or anything, yesterday I felt like I could MO if I wanted to but honestly was able to suppress it without much effort
Also to document for sake of history: had a POV sex dream a few nights ago with a fairly average looking girl. Also successful M to another girl I know from work (name starts with Kar). Onwards
Also to document for sake of history: had a POV sex dream a few nights ago with a fairly average looking girl. Also successful M to another girl I know from work (name starts with Kar). Onwards
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First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Well fellas, done with 71 days -- on to day 72! Man, getting into the 70s all this stuff feels so real. Gotta say, urges are far, far easier to deal with now than I could have imagined. Back when I was testing the waters early this year, it felt unnatural to try and stay away from P. Now it's usually pretty manageable. I will say though when I'm feeling crappy, the urge to use P is stronger so something to watch out for
Otherwise nothing super new. Still dealing with the itchy penis thing from using conditioner as I M'd a few times so I'm looking to take off at least 2 weeks, if not 3+ from M'ing to let that heal. Hopefully a lesson to anyone reading thing, only use moisturizer or actual lube when M'ing. Soap / shampoo / conditioner are NOT good for your sensitive skin down there. Maybe obvious to a lot of you but definitely no one told me lol
Otherwise nothing super new. Still dealing with the itchy penis thing from using conditioner as I M'd a few times so I'm looking to take off at least 2 weeks, if not 3+ from M'ing to let that heal. Hopefully a lesson to anyone reading thing, only use moisturizer or actual lube when M'ing. Soap / shampoo / conditioner are NOT good for your sensitive skin down there. Maybe obvious to a lot of you but definitely no one told me lol
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Wow yesterday was an experience. Saw this attractive woman walking around an it was like a signal just turned on in my brain where was instantly horny. No urge to use porn really, but did want to MO. Thought this feeling would go away but it stayed for HOURS, esp as I went to get a haircut where -- surprise surprise -- the barber was also incredibly attractive. Literally just her cutting my hair made me even hornier & got some modest reactions down there. Even hours later after going to a trivia thing at a bar with friends I felt the arousal down there. Now that I've woken up, I still feel horny (not for P which is great tho)! Also I'm getting random boners a decent amount and morning wood a decent bit too.
Man it would be great to MO but I'm holding back because a) the issue I mentioned above, need to give it a few weeks to resolve and b) I really want to try & abstain until 100 days if possible (or at least 90) to accelerate the healing process in my brain.
All of these are really positive signs & I can clearly tell I'm getting better. Again, hard to put a % on it but I genuinely feel safe saying I'm 60% or so healed. Now, the last 40% is going to take longer than the first 60% I'm sure but even getting this far has been amazing. There's always hope guys in the words of the great Gabe Deem
Man it would be great to MO but I'm holding back because a) the issue I mentioned above, need to give it a few weeks to resolve and b) I really want to try & abstain until 100 days if possible (or at least 90) to accelerate the healing process in my brain.
All of these are really positive signs & I can clearly tell I'm getting better. Again, hard to put a % on it but I genuinely feel safe saying I'm 60% or so healed. Now, the last 40% is going to take longer than the first 60% I'm sure but even getting this far has been amazing. There's always hope guys in the words of the great Gabe Deem
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First_step_thousand_miles
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Day 75 -- three quarters of a way to 100 days! No MO today and will do my best to stick to this until Day 100. Man I'm exhausted today but excited to get to day 100. My one regret is not starting on this immediately when I discovered the issue in Sept 2021 but I can't change the past -- I can change the future though and there are many more great years ahead.
I have this feeling some days where stuff is coming together / other stuff is falling apart but like this feeling that being a content, happy, satisfied person is just beyond reach. Of course I'm not expecting to get to a 10/10 on this scale as the human condition is just not meant to be in that state forever. But I want to get to at least an 8/10, if not a 9/10 by this point next year.
On one of those points -- I've made a good amount more friends / reconnected with old ones / and making a good deal more through work these days! Hard to call victory yet but making good progress on of the goals I outlined in my initial posts. Other goal is getting healthy, which I'm working out but progress feels a bit slow right now. But I can see the progress being made which I'm excited about. Onwards my friends
I have this feeling some days where stuff is coming together / other stuff is falling apart but like this feeling that being a content, happy, satisfied person is just beyond reach. Of course I'm not expecting to get to a 10/10 on this scale as the human condition is just not meant to be in that state forever. But I want to get to at least an 8/10, if not a 9/10 by this point next year.
On one of those points -- I've made a good amount more friends / reconnected with old ones / and making a good deal more through work these days! Hard to call victory yet but making good progress on of the goals I outlined in my initial posts. Other goal is getting healthy, which I'm working out but progress feels a bit slow right now. But I can see the progress being made which I'm excited about. Onwards my friends
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Days are really blending in haha, I'm needing to check the calendar constantly. Honestly this is just a nice way to check progress but it's a windy path for sure. Some days doing great, others are a bit tougher. But nothing to really report except the itchiness, actually realized it's in multiple places on my body. Think I maybe allergic to something so I threw out a bunch of stuff I suspected & swapped it out. Need to see a derm and will probably also start talking Benadryl for a bit after clearing out everything I can think of that would exacerbate this type of issue. Bit frustrating though as I don't know what it is exactly, can only take best guesses and try from there
Anyway I know this isn't a medical issue forum but it is frustrating and I wanted to journal it
Anyway I know this isn't a medical issue forum but it is frustrating and I wanted to journal it
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Other thing I'd mention is the idea of porn is feeling stranger and stranger. It's still a draw in some ways but in others, ever since I MO'd a few weeks back (1st person), the idea of 3rd person just feels a bit unnatural. The day where I'm just creeped out totally by it -- which probably happens after I have successful sex a few times -- is when I'll really declare victory
Again I feel like I'm somewhere around 50% cured at this point. Frankly it's impossible to say that with a high degree of confidence -- it's just a sense. I'm excited to blow past 100 days soon enough, in my mind I was prepared for a a 3-5 months reboot. If it ends up being a bit longer that's ok but either way after this period (and the itch thing resolves lol) I'm really going to put myself out there
Again I feel like I'm somewhere around 50% cured at this point. Frankly it's impossible to say that with a high degree of confidence -- it's just a sense. I'm excited to blow past 100 days soon enough, in my mind I was prepared for a a 3-5 months reboot. If it ends up being a bit longer that's ok but either way after this period (and the itch thing resolves lol) I'm really going to put myself out there
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Day 80 today -- Had sex today. This is going to be a slightly long post btw. I'm going to give as objective an assessment as I can, might be too much TMI so you are forewarned! I popped a Viagra just in case -- I know this isn't a physical issue but rather a mental one but wanted to have it there just in case for performance anxiety issues (which even mentally I know was much, much less this time vs. my first time -- that was awesome, was much more relaxed just knowing that it wasn't my first time & I know I'll be even more relaxed my next time due to the improvements I saw). First time I had sex I also used Viagra (again to limit performance anxiety as it was my first time) so it's a like-for-like comparison. I know LT that I 100% don't want to use any such meds but it's just there to help me ease back into things. On to things though:
Definitely saw some improvement. Was maybe 20-30% hard just looking at her with some clothes off, and got pretty hard with a blowjob (80-90%) which was waaaay better vs. the last time where I was maybe 50% hard & only at times. Also just kissing and touching alone got me to 80% hardness. Didn't have to fantasize to stay hard. This time when having sex I was able to stay harder though when putting on the condom I got softer vs. having it off. Come to think of it this happened last time too. Erection definitely lost strength changing positions and stuff tho so clearly some ways to go. Definitely have some DE still (which I had last time as well) as I wasn't able to finish but I was able to finish with my own hand afterwards so that's something I'm also aiming to fix along with the PIED. In hindsight, I could tell that my arousal response was ultimately not as high as it should've been or otherwise I would have been 90-100% the entire time -- this again points to mental improvements needed which is a matter of time (also I got hard super quickly to my hand and finished in like 3min so nothing physically wrong at all)
Altogether while it wasn't the 100% I was hoping for, if my experience last year was 20% performance I think today was maybe 50%. Feeling 40-50% healed right now but clearly aways to go. At 80 days if I feel nearly halfway there, then I think 150 days is probably a fair target to get at least 80% healed which would be amazing. I'm going to definitely quit the MO for a while because it's slowing down my progress and I don't want to end up having all these even regular fantasies in my head that end up not truly being what actual sex is like. Hoping to MO via sensation alone one day as well which is pretty firm proof of being healed. Also again, the Viagra is only a temporary thing & it's not a natural solution. In addition to this, I'm doing a lot more cardio / lifting these days which is clinically proven to help with erection strength / libido (the natural Viagra if you will). Will also in a month or two start doing Kegels as well. I want to keep it all natural long-term. Overall I'm hopeful, things are trending in the right direction!
Definitely saw some improvement. Was maybe 20-30% hard just looking at her with some clothes off, and got pretty hard with a blowjob (80-90%) which was waaaay better vs. the last time where I was maybe 50% hard & only at times. Also just kissing and touching alone got me to 80% hardness. Didn't have to fantasize to stay hard. This time when having sex I was able to stay harder though when putting on the condom I got softer vs. having it off. Come to think of it this happened last time too. Erection definitely lost strength changing positions and stuff tho so clearly some ways to go. Definitely have some DE still (which I had last time as well) as I wasn't able to finish but I was able to finish with my own hand afterwards so that's something I'm also aiming to fix along with the PIED. In hindsight, I could tell that my arousal response was ultimately not as high as it should've been or otherwise I would have been 90-100% the entire time -- this again points to mental improvements needed which is a matter of time (also I got hard super quickly to my hand and finished in like 3min so nothing physically wrong at all)
Altogether while it wasn't the 100% I was hoping for, if my experience last year was 20% performance I think today was maybe 50%. Feeling 40-50% healed right now but clearly aways to go. At 80 days if I feel nearly halfway there, then I think 150 days is probably a fair target to get at least 80% healed which would be amazing. I'm going to definitely quit the MO for a while because it's slowing down my progress and I don't want to end up having all these even regular fantasies in my head that end up not truly being what actual sex is like. Hoping to MO via sensation alone one day as well which is pretty firm proof of being healed. Also again, the Viagra is only a temporary thing & it's not a natural solution. In addition to this, I'm doing a lot more cardio / lifting these days which is clinically proven to help with erection strength / libido (the natural Viagra if you will). Will also in a month or two start doing Kegels as well. I want to keep it all natural long-term. Overall I'm hopeful, things are trending in the right direction!
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First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Man what a journey. I feel super asexual right now, not sure why. Part of the journey I guess