I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Feeling pretty good so far, no crazy mood swings as far as I can tell. In other news, I do need to stop having my hand on my rod when in bed. Almost a subconscious habit but I do notice that I'm getting hard (maybe 50%) just doing that. I always wondered what people meant when they said they can fap to sensation alone but I think this is part of it. The healing process is definitely underway I feel

Anyway, I'm really excited to reach the 3 week mark (still 1.5 weeks away) as last time I made it 2.5 weeks. Honestly just waiting to cross that milestone. Lots of milestones when you're starting (Day 1, Week 1, Day 10, Week 2, Week 3, 1 Month, 2 Months, 3 Months, 100 Days) and so far it's been great hitting the first three. Really looking forward to hitting triple digits like my man @SmokenMirrors , what an achievement
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Another realization -- it is INFINITELY easier to do this if you avoid your triggers. Haven't watched 1 anime since I started, haven't used one website with porn-y ads (pay for all my streaming like HBO or Netflix vs. trying to watch it for free online where they have those shitty ads), etc

In the past where I'd get tempted are a) when I see a really hot girl outside -- can't do much about that but reinforce my willpower that I need to stop P so that I can actually go talk to girls instead of fapping to their doppelgängers when I get home and b) when I see a trigger.

Fellas -- make this as easy on yourself as possible. Avoid triggers, whether visual or textual. Whatever it is, not worth the risk during your reboot
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Had another dream where I was making out with a girl. Man your brain really does act out. Strongest I've had the urges is maybe a 3-4 so far two nights ago when I was trying to fall asleep so not terrible.

Really feel like my resolve this time around is way, way stronger. Looking forward to unlocking new levels of happiness and contentment with life. Going to reach the 2 week mark this Sunday, onwards!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
So happy for you First step. Yes, it's amazing what getting off this nonsense will do for you.

I literally didn't even have dreams when I was looking at porn. I'm sure I "had them" but I could never remember them. Whatever the hell is going on in the brain for that to happen is pretty bad.

Keep it up, I see two weeks in your future.
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
So happy for you First step. Yes, it's amazing what getting off this nonsense will do for you.

I literally didn't even have dreams when I was looking at porn. I'm sure I "had them" but I could never remember them. Whatever the hell is going on in the brain for that to happen is pretty bad.

Keep it up, I see two weeks in your future.
Wow, I hear people say they never had dreams at all. Never quite had that symptom but certainly almost never had dreams about girls in any sexual situation when I used P.

Thanks my man, 100 days is the real prize I'm looking at. And for you the 1 year mark! -- Looking forward to meeting our goals around the same time
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
In just two weeks, one of the biggest things I've noticed is that even my small social anxiety with meeting new people has come down to virtually nothing. With girls, I can maintain eye contact much more easily. Still a little bit of nervousness if the girl is attractive but feels much better than it was in the past.

I can't wait to improve more. I slightly feel like the lid is coming off that's letting me be happier, but very early days right now. Anyway, I'm more motivated than ever.

Also let me say, in the other relapse and with the first few times were I was testing the water, it was mainly because of triggers. I've avoided all my triggers as much as possible so far. Plus my resolve is just greater. So excited for what the future holds!
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Forewarned -- bit of a winding post. Man, feelings some modest P cravings over past few days. 1-10, probably only a 3 at most (today had a spike of maybe 4, that feeling where your heart skips a beat and you're like 'damn I need to jerk off') but I make sure to quickly pivot my thoughts to other things to avoid letting it get higher. When I have gotten into trouble in the past is mentally exploring that scene and then getting more and more horny. There is temptation to just let it go and explore as it's been so long since I've nutted. What keeps me strong though is what @SmokenMirrors mentioned, the fear of resetting the counter. The other thing is that I'm 26 and I want to get a move on with life. I feel like my interactions with girls are slowly normalizing and I'm scratching the surface of this world that I feel like I've been missing ever since I started using P. Reading success stores is great as every single one of those guys says it is totally worth it which I trust (though the cravings can be insidious and try to tempt you)

Something is also different this time. It's like my mind underwent a total mental shift. I remember I've tried to lose weight in the past many times but there's always been temptations for fatty food (mozzie sticks, pizza, etc). But late last yr, something just clicked and for 1 month I ate maybe 1400 calories a day (lost 7 pounds!). I remember that mindset shift as it was just so extraordinary and I remember thinking, how can I replicate that again? I don't know how but it feels like I've stuck it to my brain that P is now exactly that and I need to also purge it from my system. Which is why I have so much confidence in this 2nd attempt as the final attempt. It's not anger, or rage, just brutally high determination

It's been 19 days P free. I realize the big reason to want to fap is just the dopamine rush. Right now life is good and all, but that extreme feeling of pleasure -- haven't seemed to have gotten that. In the long run, that's probably from sex ultimately. Masturbation (without P) can also be a healthy substitute provided you're not exceeding 2x a week -- though right now, I want to do hard mode right until 90 days.

Hopefully the general happiness levels raise over time as well. Right now the pleasure from P is so much higher than anything else (wide gap basically). If the general happiness rises, I figure the gap will narrow or at the very least I won't need to find that P 'high' as much because there's so much general enjoyment of life. Anyway, as you can tell I like over-think stuff haha

I'm going on vacation to Spain starting Sunday (3 week mark!). Don't know how much I'll be posting during vacation but I'm back the Sunday after which will be my 4 week mark! Can't wait to make that milestone! Much love again to those who have supported me thus far on the journey including @SmokenMirrors @cookiemonster @Blondie @TryingHarder along with all the other wonderful human beings on this site. You guys are a big part of my motivation and your encouragement keeps me going. Have a great start to a P-free summer guys
 
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TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
I'm also trying to kibosh a porn addiction and anxiety eating at the same time! I thought it would be really tough (and sometimes it is), but I also feel the "not anger, just brutally high determination" vibe. Enjoy your vacation and keep up the good work!
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 20 -- Great to hit this milestone (if only because it's 1 day away from 3 weeks, but round numbers are quite satisfying). Had a dream last night that I relapsed (woke up relieved that I hadn't). Though even in that dream, I stopped well before I came as I didn't want it -- even in my subconscious -- to be a full relapse. Of course, in IRL I know that even that still counts as a relapse so I'm not going to jump into that self-destructive justification

Sadly, in the dream 'relapse' it was anime porn. Even most of my urges so far have to been to anime porn vs. real girls. Pre-reboot, I was using anime 50% of the time and 50% real girls (roughly). Yet what I've craved the most is the anime stuff...I know the reason why as well. The impossible body types / extreme reactions / even crazy scenarios acted out well (because it's not done by P actors who clearly have no acting skills but by skilled voice actors and animators) -- a real girl will never have this stuff. So it's a more 'extreme' version of P and this escalation is why my brain is more so craving that vs. real girls.

Just reminds me that I have a long way to go to heal. I want to get to that point where I find real girls the most exciting thing in the world. And not just P-style ridiculous body type girls -- average girls. I want to find average girls really attractive. One thing I've heard from lots of folks is that the range of girls they find attractive post reboot becomes bigger. Anyway, just some more musings. Peace
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Nice job on 20 days First Step! Yes I understand, even numbers just look better:).

I can definitely attest to the fact that all girls look infinitely better after many months of not looking at porn. I've very happy about this fact and it will happen for you as well.

Keep it up!
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Nice job on 20 days First Step! Yes I understand, even numbers just look better:).

I can definitely attest to the fact that all girls look infinitely better after many months of not looking at porn. I've very happy about this fact and it will happen for you as well.

Keep it up!
Hell yeah man, love to hear it!
 
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