I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
This is a beautiful post @First_step_thousand_miles , thanks! I absolutely agree. Living in digital worlds or fantasies (even good ones) is a sign of immaturity. Obviously, nothing wrong with some of it, but at it's heart, it's escapism, and if our lives are really that bad, we should ask ourselves, what we can do to make them better.

Love this post man, I don't have much time to comment, but it was great.

Best
All good my man, I'm glad you liked the post! Just a bunch of my ramblings but if people get at least something out of it then I'm happy. Though honestly I'm also just happy to put these words on the page and reflect back
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 276 -- Wow, the no MO already affecting my subconscious since I had a sex dream last night! Not a wet dream as nothing left in my boxers this morning (but that's because it's only been 4 days of no MO (since Day 273). Excited for what progress this no MO journey has in store for me
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Another double post -- Lot to get out recently! I was reading Pride & Prejudice recently, and just felt such a rush of emotions. Nothing risqué, no erotica, none of that. Just the emotions that really pulled me back to my first crushes, that of innocent love and affection.

Porn really is like the boiling frog. If you boil it all at once, the frog will jump out of the water. But if you turn it up slowly, it won't notice and will be cooked to death -- porn is definitely the latter where it slowly dulls our emotions and ability to connect to girls on a primal, fundamental level. Quitting porn helps restore these emotions to where they should be. Reminds me of the conversations I had with these two girls in the past few months where I just felt such a strong attraction even though they didn't have body types that would've appealed to me 1yr ago.

On another note, just seeing sunshine come out makes me so happy in anticipation of the spring / summer. I haven't looked forward to the future in such a way in so, so long. I've had happy years, don't get me wrong -- spend a ton of time with my folks and close friends during Covid with multiple summers there -- but I suppose it was still somewhat of a cruise-control. Now I feel like I'm taking control of my own life with these goals (incl quitting porn) and I feel like there is real hope for the future. I can't / won't get complacent about any of them, it all takes deliberate effort but I know I can make it. I'm excited for what the future holds
 

Blondie

Respected Member
I love Pride and Prejudice, one of my favorite books and movies of all time. The women are so feminine and graceful. I totally get it taking you back to a better and more innocent time in your life. A time when your crushes were not just driven by only primal lust.

Jane Austen was a talented lady, a lady who understood the sexes considerable better than most people do today.
On another note, just seeing sunshine come out makes me so happy in anticipation of the spring / summer.
:cool:

Cheers brother.
 
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First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
I love Pride and Prejudice, one of my favorite books and movies of all time. The women are so feminine and graceful. I totally get it taking you back to a better and more innocent time in your life. A time when your crushes were not just driving by only primal lust.

Jane Austen was a talented lady, a lady who understood the sexes considerable better than most people do today.

:cool:

Cheers brother.
Could not agree more man, I 100% don't want to have more masculine energy around -- I have myself and my male friends for that! Don't need that in a girl, just so odd how there's a movement to make women more masculine and men more feminine -- I guess we'll all morph into one giant amoeba-like blob at some point?

I guess you see examples of that sort of feminity celebrated pretty much anytime pre-2000 / 2005 (something like that). But anyway, there's stuff we can change and stuff we can't. I think we can definitely make ourselves real men -- going back to our roots and what a man should be and is (no apologies needed) -- and find partners who appreciate that.
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
The stronger and more reliable men are, the more women can relax into their most feminine selves.
Fantastic quote. I guess it speaks to sun a vicious feedback loop, as men get more feminized (by both the nature of our lives today where there's no real physical risks and by the media) the more some women will become more masculine in order to compensate.

Though it's incredibly obvious when you look at how 'alpha' (I don't love this word per se but it gets the message across -- maybe self-sufficient / confident / etc?) men do so well with even women who proclaim to desire masculinity...it's just biological.

That said, while it's important to recognize the problem I think it also helps to just bucket what's in our hands vs. what isn't. At least in my experience, when I've gotten upset about things that I could not control it would just upset me more. I'm just working on what's in my control and have thus far found that to be more satisfying. Though regardless, this topic is certainly worth a discussion and has a lot of roots into porn to unpack. Just my humble opinions! Thanks for all your support Androg!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
The stronger and more reliable men are, the more women can relax into their most feminine selves.
I love this quote too, and it's true.

Women have proven that they can "be in charge" in the modern world, and that's great. I love it. However, in my own experience, and just looking at the world around me, women still love and dare I say, need men who are real men, who can be a leaders in their relationships. And to be clear I'm not talking about the domineering macho nonsense, no, I'm talking about a real leader. For example, whenever I've taken charge of something in our relationship, or have made a decision that she didn't want to make, there was always an instant attraction spike that happened, and thus, she could "relax into her feminine spirit". Even something as stupid as picking out where to eat sometimes does this. This kind of thing NEVER happened to me in my early twenties, because I simply wasn't able to make decisions back then, or worse, I didn't know how to be a leader, or much worse, I didn't want to a leader, because I didn't want to "impose my will upon her". As I've gotten older, I've realized being a leader and being an asshole are two entirely different things.

One thing that I still fail at here and there, is keeping my word as a leader. For example, for our monthly budget, I've almost always been the one who says we should cut back on this or that, i.e. fun money, which is usually wine money for the month, or going out to eat. However, there's been times when I've said we should only drink two times a month or whatever, but then, in a moment of weakness and wanting to have some
"fun" for the night, I came home with some wine to surprise her. Funny thing is, she initially is really happy when I come home with a surprise wine, however, I can always sense a slight lost of respect for me later on, especially if I do this over and over again and act against my spoken convictions. Which makes sense because she wants to put her trust in me, but yet, my actions do not match my words, thus, she can't rest as much in her femininity and has to be somewhat on her masculine guard for our budget, when I was the one who brought it up in the first place. Thus, she loves the surprise and is 'happy', but internally, this doesn't seem to be the case, at least not for long. I think she does this without even thinking about it, it's on a subconscious level, but I do know some women, who will literally do this on purpose as a test, just to see what kind of man you're made of. For example, my girlfriend doesn't do this, but if she did, she knowing my convictions, would ask me if we could have wine that night, alreadly knowing we had alreadly passed our month's budget. If I said no, she might be unhappy for a moment, but trust my masculine core and be attracted to me, but if I said yes, she might act "happy" in the moment, but deep down inside, she would lose respect for me. Call it the feminine way of sifting out the real men from the boys. Many guys hate this, and think women are just playing bitchy games (which in truth, some of them are) but in reality for most women, it's just their way of picking out a good match. Thus, if you fail, don't be mad at them or the game, be mad at yourself for giving in so easy. Feminine women make us men better and truer to our masculine selves. So don't fall for the trap of thinking just because she's 'happy' in the moment, it doesn't necessarily mean she's happy with YOU and your lack of masculinity. Happy does not equal turned on. Women are very "happy" around puppies, but... well you get my analogy. :)

Any boy can dress up cool and walk with a strut like James Bond. But it takes a real man to both believe in himself and his convictions, and learn how to lean into his masculine core to be a real leader, not just for himself, but for his loved ones as well.

I'm definitely still a work in progress in this regard, but we're getting there. One day at a time.

I love this conversation.
 
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First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 278 -- Couple rough nights regarding sleep, just been able to fall asleep quickly or sleep is interrupted. This has happened before a bunch of times (every couple months), I just muddle along for a couple crappy nights (ranging up to a week) before things turn around

Definitely catch my self control slipping when outside and starting at girls in this period (which I need to more forcefully stop), it's kind of like alcohol where it lowers your inhibitions. Don't worry though, not going to use porn. Anyway, just keeping it real and checking in
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 279 -- Took some melatonin last night and got some rest, 8.5-9hrs of "sleep" though I woke up a bunch and then fell back asleep. Don't want to use it too frequently (first time ever taking it) as I don't want to be dependent on any kind of crutch but it helped with this crappy period for sure.

No MO since Day 273 (so 7 days of no MO including today). Definitely the porn urges are a bit stronger doing no MO (as there's no release) but still pretty low, all considered. Eyes also get more distracted with women so need to be disciplined about that as I don't want to be some creep lol. Going to keep at it!
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 283 -- Unfortunately tested positive for Covid today. Going to start taking Paxlovid tomorrow to head off this virus as fast as possible to get the smoothest possible recovery. I'm annoyed not just in feeling crappy but mostly in losing this full next week for progress on my goals of working out / fat loss / etc. Being sick quite literally puts your goals / life on hold

I guess what scares me is how damn FAST life is passing by. I feel like 2023 just started but it's already been nearly 2 months! No doubt I'll look back in 4 more months and realize that half the year has already passed by...I want to get a real move on with my goals by mid-year. My hard goals are losing at least 2 belt sizes (1 belt size is 8-9lb for context) -- ideally 2.5 sizes or so (so ~20lb) though that may be too much, dunno yet -- and putting on ~15lb of mass by end of June. And then would like to go into a clean / maintenance bulk afterwards where I can eat more than 1800 calories a day.

I want to get a move on, just started to gain momentum at the gym and I feel like I've been just blind-sided. Anyway, hoping to recover quickly from Covid -- fingers crossed. Day 300 is just around the corner on the no-porn side

No MO since Day 273 (so 11 days so far). Urges are stronger than before for orgasm (whether it be porn or seeing an attractive girl) as my body is crying for release more and more.
 
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Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @First_step_thousand_miles, sorry to hear about this, I know the feeling. Covid these days is often not too bad, I'm thinking (and hoping) you'll get through it pretty quickly. You're a young buck so that shouldn't be a problem. The important thing is just to stay positive and think long term, especially if you get any temptations. I know it can be real discouraging when life sets you back, especially in the gym etc. I haven't been to the gym now in over a week with me not sleeping properly, and let me tell you, that fact really pisses me off, I too was making progress and gains. Today I had to force myself to stop thinking about it because I was getting so frustrated, it's simply NOT productive thinking for me at this moment. It is what it is, and I can't change the fact. I have learned there is a big difference between giving up, and letting life be. One is giving up and being a bitch, the other is handling the cards that you've been dealt. Now's the time to Zen out and be the rushing waters that go around the obstructing rock, instead of putting up a "fight" and trying to go though the rock.

Look at those goal you have for yourself this year and try to tackle whatever else you can while you're sick, you don't have to be a zombie and watch TV for the next week. That's why I say it's important to diversify you life and not put all your hopes and dreams in one basket. Okay, so you can't workout right now, great what else can you do? Right now I've been doing extra reading besides the shit I read for school, which is something I always want to do. What can you do while being sick and not working out?

Just a thought

Best brother! Stay strong.
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
The cravings should pass soon. The first week or two are the worst. Hope you are soon well.
Thank you my friend! Body is just feeling sensitive, but hey -- it's still way easier than when I first started to try and quit porn. So I gotta keep things in perspective and keep going. I've got my eyes on the prize (no porn ever again) -- in the mid term, 365 days. Nothing will stop me from achieving this, onwards! Appreciate all the support man
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Hey @First_step_thousand_miles, sorry to hear about this, I know the feeling. Covid these days is often not too bad, I'm thinking (and hoping) you'll get through it pretty quickly. You're a young buck so that shouldn't be a problem. The important thing is just to stay positive and think long term, especially if you get any temptations. I know it can be real discouraging when life sets you back, especially in the gym etc. I haven't been to the gym now in over a week with me not sleeping properly, and let me tell you, that fact really pisses me off, I too was making progress and gains. Today I had to force myself to stop thinking about it because I was getting so frustrated, it's simply NOT productive thinking for me at this moment. It is what it is, and I can't change the fact. I have learned there is a big difference between giving up, and letting life be. One is giving up and being a bitch, the other is handling the cards that you've been dealt. Now's the time to Zen out and be the rushing waters that go around the obstructing rock, instead of putting up a "fight" and trying to go though the rock.

Look at those goal you have for yourself this year and try to tackle whatever else you can while you're sick, you don't have to be a zombie and watch TV for the next week. That's why I say it's important to diversify you life and not put all your hopes and dreams in one basket. Okay, so you can't workout right now, great what else can you do? Right now I've been doing extra reading besides the shit I read for school, which is something I always want to do. What can you do while being sick and not working out?

Just a thought

Best brother! Stay strong.
Fantastic advice brother. Good to know I'm not alone, this is so important to keep things in perspective.

And you're right on the mark, can't pull all my eggs in one basket. Got a little discouraged but seeing this reminds me again, I have a bunch of goals this year -- not just fitness. I can keep working on others in the meantime. Appreciate the love my dude, as always you've got these great nuggets of wisdom. I'm grateful for your advice and support as always!
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 284 -- Super feverish, bad sleep last night from Covid. Woke up this morning feeling like absolute crap with a heavier cough & lot of pain. Took Ibprufen and felt much better after like 1-2hrs, and thankfully got Paxlovid from the doctor. Took my first dose just a little while ago, really hoping to get near 90% or so by the end of the week. Just hoping ramping back into exercise happens smoothly next week.

Speaking of what other goals I can get after while sick / over these next 1-2 weeks -- I have that big side work project that I can put a dent into and I can learn to cook a few more recipes (probably starting later this week). And of course, continuing to stay away from porn but that's become more 'passive' than 'active' over time. Though it's certainly nice to know even during crappy periods like this one, that goal is being worked on
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 285 -- Feeling much better! If any folks have Covid / get Covid (fingers crossed you won't) / have friends or family with it, Paxlovid is a godsend. I took it the first time around too, remember feeling pretty good towards the end of the 2nd day taking it (it's a 5 day course, twice daily). Earlier you take it the better since it basically stops the virus from replicating so your body kills off the cells that are infected faster

Still taking another day off to recuperate but planning on using it productively. Going to take care of some chores, walk around and get some mild exercise, and get more stuff going on the work project. All in all, things are looking up
 
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