My Recovery Journal

[Qwertyxyz]

1 day of porn.
Really want to quit. I have been writing in a paper journal about what porn takes from me and how I can be without it. I think it helps a lot. I’ve had periods of not using porn in the past but they haven’t lasted, I think a big part of that is because I really did try to do it alone.
Hopefully keeping this thread going will help, and I also think that an accountability partner is something that will benefit me. Reading other’s stories helps too.

wish me luck

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 2 clean,
(I forgot to press post on yesterday’s thread until now).
I’ve been a pretty heavy porn user for the last 14 years so I understand there is a bit of rewriting to, but I also know it can be done.
I’m really trying to distract from intrusive thoughts, I used porn for comfort but it just ends up taking so much from you. There are much better ways to comfort myself and that don’t leave me unmotivated and ashamed.

 

[TryingHarder]

Good luck, Qwertyxyz. I'm in day 14 of my reboot. Joining this forum is a big boost, so welcome aboard.

 

[GBS]

Keep writing every day @Qwertyxyz . We’re here to support you. This site is at least 50% of the reason I am clean from PMO for 77 days and MO for 37 days. It is possible. The first few weeks are difficult, but the neural pathways change. They really do. You will not believe how you feel when you hit about 30 days no PMO…..it’s a drug in itself the rewrd. You will be more connected to your partner or if no partner you will be just better company and you will connect better with women.

Keep going and post often. You help me, I help you.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 2 clean,
(I forgot to press post on yesterday’s thread until now).
I’ve been a pretty heavy porn user for the last 14 years so I understand there is a bit of rewriting to, but I also know it can be done.
I’m really trying to distract from intrusive thoughts, I used porn for comfort but it just ends up taking so much from you. There are much better ways to comfort myself and that don’t leave me unmotivated and ashamed

Keep writing every day @Qwertyxyz . We’re here to support you. This site is at least 50% of the reason I am clean from PMO for 77 days and MO for 37 days. It is possible. The first few weeks are difficult, but the neural pathways change. They really do. You will not believe how you feel when you hit about 30 days no PMO…..it’s a drug in itself the rewrd. You will be more connected to your partner or if no partner you will be just better company and you will connect better with women.

Keep going and post often. You help me, I help you.

thanks,
I needed to hear, this Day 3 was good but I would just get intrusive thoughts that I don’t want. I’m looking forward to the intrusive thoughts getting less potent.

 

[GBS]

They get less potent I promise you. And less frequent. I am in flatline myself which is weird but perfectly normal so I understand. We have stages to go through. Best thing you can do is find a hobby you like and do that and post on here regularly

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 2 clean,
(I forgot to press post on yesterday’s thread until now).
I’ve been a pretty heavy porn user for the last 14 years so I understand there is a bit of rewriting to, but I also know it can be done.
I’m really trying to distract from intrusive thoughts, I used porn for comfort but it just ends up taking so much from you. There are much better ways to comfort myself and that don’t leave me unmotivated and ashamed

Keep writing every day @Qwertyxyz . We’re here to support you. This site is at least 50% of the reason I am clean from PMO for 77 days and MO for 37 days. It is possible. The first few weeks are difficult, but the neural pathways change. They really do. You will not believe how you feel when you hit about 30 days no PMO…..it’s a drug in itself the rewrd. You will be more connected to your partner or if no partner you will be just better company and you will connect better with women.

Keep going and post often. You help me, I help you.

thanks,
I needed to hear, this Day 3 was good but I would just get intrusive thoughts that I don’t want. I’m looking forward to the intrusive thoughts getting less potent. All I’m I

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 3 free of PMO
pretty good day. I feel some sort of ‘not shame’ coming back. Some intrusive thoughts, they were strong for a while but faded. I really want to stay the course

 

[GBS]

Keep going, keep writing. It helps you and it helps me.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 4 PMO free
It’s nice to have a bit of space from acting out. Sometimes there are strong compulsions but they do pass. They worry me but I know they will get lesser the longer I go.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 5 PMO free
The mornings are pretty hard, lots of compulsive thoughts but they pass. I need to distract myself straight up I know the more I let those thoughts dwell the more likely I am to act out. Staying strong and feeling better

 

[GBS]

You need constant distractions. I have done gardening and even cleaned the oven!

It does become habit though, distracting that is. And that’s good for you. Get so much more done.

Hard core reboot if that’s what you’re doing is very difficult but not impossible

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Thanks for the words of wisdom. It feels slightly less potent today which is good. I do affirmations every day to remind myself what is at stake.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 7 PMO free
I’ve decided to make a thing about celebrating each week that I’m free. Every Saturday morning is a wonderful victory.

I can do this, already I feel different around women and it’s really nice. PMO made me so ashamed and cagey, I didn’t like the social stress it caused me.

I didn’t write yesterday as I was travelling. Writing daily is really helpful.

 

[Blondie]

I think that's a great idea!

Congrats on a week porn free.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 8 PMO free,
I like how I’m feeling and it does feel like I’m changing a bit. My relationship with woman is changing in a nice way.
I worry about relapse, in the past I don’t think I had enough distraction options, and stressful time would cause a relapse.

How do accountability partners work?
I’m socially very shy and introverted and worry about getting overwhelmed, I’m probably projecting but the past has made my a bit cagey.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 9 PMO free
The mornings are the worst for craving. If I can see it out I’m really good.
Sometimes I set a micro target of getting past 1200, the morning was my worst time. Sometimes I would wake up start on the porn, and that was pretty much my day.
I can be so much more constructive and productive

 

[GBS]

We’ll done. Little tip that worked for me. I used to wake up and look at porn but instead I now look at this forum first thing and then I plan a project to do during the day. Simple stuff like that keeps you on track and keeps the distractions nice and active.

Keep going. You are helping me a great deal…..and there’s another nice thought you can have first thing too. If you can resist then you increase my chance of resisting too.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

We’ll done. Little tip that worked for me. I used to wake up and look at porn but instead I now look at this forum first thing and then I plan a project to do during the day. Simple stuff like that keeps you on track and keeps the distractions nice and active.

Keep going. You are helping me a great deal…..and there’s another nice thought you can have first thing too. If you can resist then you increase my chance of resisting too.

Thanks for the support and advice. Activity and goals are good for distraction.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Far out, I usually aim to just post in the morning but today has been really bad for craving, like it would have been the most natural and comforting thing would to just act out. I stayed active though, and then some sort of penny dropped; I had listened to a podcast on ‘consider before consuming’ that mentioned have deeper motivations for using porn other than habit. I realise I’m try to comfort myself and distract from some pretty intense years that I got through but have processed. I think dealing with that trauma will help the cravings, the realisation alone has helped a lot