Goal : Living a full life

I'm 21 and I've been addicted to porn for about 6 years now.

I didn't have an internet-enabled device early on in my teen years but I got exposed to porn while in high school. I started with reading a lot of erotica thus, it was natural for me to slide into porn when I got my first device.

A lot has happened since then from P only to PMO and so on. I hope to wrote more about this later on in this journal.

I have attempted to stop many times before but I haven't ever been able to last a long while. I discovered this forum last week, read a lot of amazing threads and decided to start my own today.


I've decided to go full hard mode, no P, no M, no O for 30 days and I'm currently on day 2 and hopefully, I'd be able to live my life to the fullest.
 
Day 3

I hardly felt any urges probably because I'm still early in my reboot journey and I was so busy yesterday.

My history of withdrawal symptoms are always serious and I do not have any other effective way to not relapse apart from trying to leave my device or taking a run. But they've not always been effective. Well, I've not been so committed to rebooting before though.

If you have any other ideas of fighting withdrawal symptoms effectively. I'd appreciate if you can reply in this thread.

My greatest dream is to be able to write Day 4 tomorrow.
 
Day 4

Yippee!! Gotten through another day.

I can feel the urges getting stronger though not close to what I've gone through before.

I've taken up a simple exercise routine in the spirit of making new habits, just a couple of push-ups each day. Hope to increase the intensity with time.

As always, I'm anticipating for day 5
 
While trying to understand myself after my last relapse, I looked at other areas of my life and decided that I have a self-discipline problem. I always hear that PMO addiction is a symptom of a larger problem, so this might just be my own.

To tackle this, I started reading a book: The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-Control by Walter Mischel. It is a book about the Marshmallow Test carried out on preschoolers in the 1960s to understand willpower and self-control. And it has since been an interesting read.

I was going through chapter 2 today and I got to a place talking about how our focus on an immediate reward can affect our reaction to it. It was called the Hot versus Cool Focus.
Thinking of the marshmallow (treat) as sweet, chewy and edible was much more tempting than thinking of it as a white, round puffy clous

Thinking of PMO in a hot manner would mean thinking of the pleasure we would get from the dopamine rush and possible novelty.

Thinking in a cold manner is more logical. Focusing your mind that it's just you fapping to a computer screen in a deserted room, or how much of your life it is affecting.

I think I'm going to read chapter 2 again. I just feel I've not gotten everything I can get from it.

Peace✌️
 
Day 6 & 7

Made it to 7 days 🔥

Big Milestone for me. I've been able to last a week without PMO but I've not been able to go a week without MO for a long while.

Here's to more days ✌️
 
Day 0 😢

Got to 9 days, but I MO'ed yesterday.
I'm not against M, but the goal was to go hard mode. I was really feeling down yesterday and I succumbed to this outlet. Really have to take note of my downtimes
 

Onmyway19

Active Member
Day 0 😢

Got to 9 days, but I MO'ed yesterday.
I'm not against M, but the goal was to go hard mode. I was really feeling down yesterday and I succumbed to this outlet. Really have to take note of my downtimes

Don't be so hard on yourself. Focus on the improvements you made, and building positive habits. You didn't watch P. That's super important.. You're already making progress...keep going.
 
Day 0

I've not been here for a while. I've relapsed so many times than I can even remember 😟

What's worse is that I just got a job and I can't just help thinking how I'll survive there if I continue in this behavior.

My mind is really haywire right now but let me go down memory lane a bit...

When I started PMO, I had a religious belief that every sexual expression outside the confines of marriage was bad; of course, that didn't help my addiction.
A lot has changed since then, and I don't have those beliefs again. I know PMO is harmful, but when I first started this reboot, I decided I'll still do MO..

But in retrospect, it seems MO is not really doing me well. Most times when I MO, I feel depressed after it and I also have brain fog, which always causes me to MO again and again, until I eventually come back to PMO..

That is the pattern; I do without PMO for a while, then I feel the urge to harmlessly MO, but I get into a circle that leads me back to PMO.

It gets me confused about the nature of my addiction....
 
Day 1

Drive.

That is what this addiction has taken mostly from me. The drive to do what normally gives me satisfaction, to continue up-skilling myself in my field or even just to live normally.

In the depths of this addiction, this is exactly how I feel.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 1

Drive.

That is what this addiction has taken mostly from me. The drive to do what normally gives me satisfaction, to continue up-skilling myself in my field or even just to live normally.

In the depths of this addiction, this is exactly how I feel.
That's what it does to a lot of addicts. It's a common thing. That's what it's done to me. I wanted to do a lot of things but I didn't have any drive, I wasn't excited about anything and when something doesn't make you feel anything, it's easy to see why you wouldn't do it. The story of my 20s really. Since I developed that Anhedonia type of thing at 19-20, I rarely felt something anymore.
 
I became complacent in my journal writing and now I'm even worse off.

I'm still heavily addicted, my drive and will is very low, and it seems I'm my greatest enemy 😢

I've come back, with the hope that I can gradually make it back to who I once was.
 
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