Hmmm, I know the catch line to the song but I don’t know the rest of it, maybe I’ll have to give it a listen.
I'm SO sorry Broken! My understanding is this (sharing of things that happened) is part of their recovery. There may be some of that coming my way as he hasn't started any formal therapy.
Hi @ImBroken i don’t think you need to know all the details, I think in most cases an overview of sorts is sufficient. My wife had found out some things from my last, they predated us even knowing each other, but she found out about them months after D day as she stumbled across some texts I had sent to an accountability partner at the time. They too brought her back to D day. I didn’t disclose those things with her as they were before her and I didn’t see the relevance and I was also rather embarrassed by those things, maybe I’m wrong for not disclosing, maybe I was within my rights. I’m sure there are things that she’s fine in her life prior to us knowing each other that I don’t know and I’m ok with that. Anyway, we talked about it, I explained my rationale and where I was at during that time mentally and it kind of died there. It came up again this summer and we talked a bit more in depth as she was in a better place emotionally to have that conversation and it went much better (for the record it was nothing illegal or forbidden). I still didn’t get into the dirty details but I went into a bit more depth. I think the conversation brought her a bit more closure and I felt a sense of connection with her as she allowed me to explain in more detail which gave me security knowing I can talk to her about whatever I need to in the future. I guess what I’m trying to say is I think it’s ok to say you do t need every detail, if it’s going to take you guys backwards then better to just use the cliff notes version. Should you two stay together and get to a place where you are ready to talk more about those things that’s a different story. Like @Sammyjo said, you still need truth, but do you need the gory details?@Sammyjo - thanks again for the brutal honest sharing - I need this to keep me focused. Tonight I learned a really really really bad ugly about my husband’s porn/sex addiction - one that knocked me on my ass and at the same time sickened me. He was honest - I tried not to judge - but it has brought me back 40 some-odd days to D-Day. I’m not sure I want to know all of the sick details - I’m not sure a can look at or feel for him again - And now I am in “what the fuck is he going to spring on me next” mode.