Just sending a thanks out to you all - this thread has provided me with some clarity in my thinking.
@Sammyjo - you are much stronger than I at this point. I don’t think I am up for something close to your journey. After 30 years the love is not the same. I can blame P all I want for this last fuck up - but maybe I checked out long ago and this is just the catalyst. Life wasn’t fantastic prior to my “Finding out” - but it was tolerable and there was a semblance of a valuable relationship from a “partner” standpoint. I don’t think I have the gumption to help/support/heal/whatever with him. What is holding me back from just saying - get out and focus on moving on. I am not afraid to be alone…I am in a shit situation where whatever I choose, nothing will be the same - any choice is a shitty one. But thanks for allowing me to see clearer…even just for today.
HA! I'm not sure if
I'm up for this journey, yet here I am.
We just had our 33rd anniversary. And no, the love is not the same and hasn't been for a very long time. Time alone can cause this, but you add in P and they become so distant and you feel so alone. Add on betrayal and finding the love and trust seem unfathomable.
I'm glad I finally found out about the P because he's been so emotionally detached for so many years, at least I finally had the explanation. I thought it was me, and there were tons of times I had the thought "I'm done". I was so tired of being invisible to him, so tired do trying to get his attention and it failing. That all eats away at the love. Our relationship also has felt like a "tolerable partnership" for a long time with some fun mixed in. A few weeks ago I had a bag packed, ready to go, he said something like it's a shame because when we are good together we make a great team. (Glad I just recalled this, every shred of positive interaction, no matter how small, helps me re-commit to getting back to more than just a tolerable partnership.)
And yes, all the choices are shitty. Any way you look at it there will be more pain. Kinda makes you want to punch them in the face and say "THANKS ASSHOLE"!
Well, I got my brain going down an ugly rabbit hole and I need to get back to being excited to see him and have a date night. I wish you the best in whatever choices you make, please keep us posted.
@Beautiful1973 Thanks for the tip. At the moment we are trying to re-establish trust, or at least enough of it that I feel I can have anything other than "vanilla" sex. We have a long way to go before I'm ready to think about "hot" sex again. Perhaps a reminder in a few months.