Honoring the Ultimatum

Day 43. Up all night composing. Well, actually rebooting some videos of my tunage that had some trigger material in them. I had over 30 videos done, and I am one by one reworking them. Lotta work. I have 22 left to do. Probably take all month (June). BUT... It keeps me busy...
Persevere Brethren and Sistren.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey Tunesmith, we've all done stupid shit, that's why we're all here in the first place. Everyone here has either seen something, done something, or made something that they wish they had never done, but tomorrow is a new day.

It's where we're going that is all that matters.

So choose to see the version you want of yourself and let the old one die.

Best
 
Hey Tunesmith, we've all done stupid shit, that's why we're all here in the first place. Everyone here has either seen something, done something, or made something that they wish they had never done, but tomorrow is a new day.

It's where we're going that is all that matters.

So choose to see the version you want of yourself and let the old one die.

Best
Thanks man. Trying, but every time I bury that S.O.B he gets dug back up. BUT... I ain't gonna let that stop my progress, hell, maybe I should be reluctant to forget. "He who forgets the past is doomed to repeat it."
 
Day 45. Halfway to the 90 day goal thing. Now the chorus of "Livin' On A Prayer" by Bon Jovi is going thru my head. The wife hopped up in the bed and cuddled with me last night. That was nice. She rarely gets in bed with me to sleep. She usually either sleeps in her recliner of on a makeshift bed in the floor of our bedroom so she can be away from me, and close to her pet bunny rabbits. So getting an extended cuddle was a special treat.

****WARNING*** possible trigger coming*****..........

Just to clarify, my wife does not deny me sex. We have relations 2 or 3 times a week. She has always been very generous in that area. More than generous. We are trying to get away from the "just using her as a sex toy" thing and on my end, me learning to enjoy her for her. And I must admit, sex with her and JUST HER (not allowing the stock porn footage stored in my head to run while we have sex) is MUCH more gratifying than the entire pornhub catalogue combined. We really fucked ourselves out of something special in reducing our wives to fuck toys (If you have done that). It's much better with a real person. ONE real person. Man, I was blind as hell.....

Persevere Brethren and Sistren.
 

Ezel

Well-Known Member
See what 45 days of no pmo can do, your wife must felt that something is different about you(I don't know if she knows about your reboot or not). That's why she didn't resist you and took the initiative first by cuddling with you...

These are just the low hanging fruit 🍓 of your 45 days without porn, imagine what a 90, 120,150days.... Can do, the possibilities are endless, and leaving porn behind is what will allow you to achieve whatever you want.

I don't 🤔 think that leaving porn will get you enlightened, you still have to put in the work. But I'm sure that leaving porn is the first step you have to take period and end of story...

Wishing you all the best tunesmith, keep on rooling my brother
 

Gracie

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
Tunesmith, you made a great statement when you say “just using her as a sex toy”. That is how a lot of us women who don’t know exactly what is going on, know that our men have changed. Things are different in how we are treated in bed. Glad you are able to say that. For awhile while husband was in recovery, we had eyes open 👀 sex. Thanks for recovering for you, your wife and your marriage!
 
See what 45 days of no pmo can do, your wife must felt that something is different about you(I don't know if she knows about your reboot or not). That's why she didn't resist you and took the initiative first by cuddling with you...

These are just the low hanging fruit 🍓 of your 45 days without porn, imagine what a 90, 120,150days.... Can do, the possibilities are endless, and leaving porn behind is what will allow you to achieve whatever you want.

I don't 🤔 think that leaving porn will get you enlightened, you still have to put in the work. But I'm sure that leaving porn is the first step you have to take period and end of story...

Wishing you all the best tunesmith, keep on rooling my brother
Thanks Bro. I am anxious to see where I will be at 90,120, 150...
 
Tunesmith, you made a great statement when you say “just using her as a sex toy”. That is how a lot of us women who don’t know exactly what is going on, know that our men have changed. Things are different in how we are treated in bed. Glad you are able to say that. For awhile while husband was in recovery, we had eyes open 👀 sex. Thanks for recovering for you, your wife and your marriage!
Thanks, I didn't coin the phrase, It's how my wife describes how sex with me felt.
Nice to have a woman's opinion.
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
Hi @The Tunesmith - also hope @Gracie is reading this. I identify with this discussion 100%. My addiction is being addressed but my wife is badly hurt and she has screamed at me that all the years we had sex she was just a “cum sock” (her word). It’s hard to tell her she is wrong, because some of the time that was probably true. Then again there were many times I was connected and present, but it’s hard to convince her about that. I am making great strides right now and feel incredibly connected to my wife such that I constantly want to rip her clothes off. Meanwhile she is struggling a bit and has set some severe physical boundaries. She has every right of course. She’s happy and in love with me she says, just not ready yet.

My perspective is that she wasn’t a sex toy, because I lusted after “her’ not just her body. But I think my brain mixed it up so that was only half true. I feel in a difficult position. I SO want my wife but I must be very patient. Any advice either of you? For perspective I am nearly 100 days porn free. Our issues came to the fore in February.
 
Hi @The Tunesmith - also hope @Gracie is reading this. I identify with this discussion 100%. My addiction is being addressed but my wife is badly hurt and she has screamed at me that all the years we had sex she was just a “cum sock” (her word). It’s hard to tell her she is wrong, because some of the time that was probably true. Then again there were many times I was connected and present, but it’s hard to convince her about that. I am making great strides right now and feel incredibly connected to my wife such that I constantly want to rip her clothes off. Meanwhile she is struggling a bit and has set some severe physical boundaries. She has every right of course. She’s happy and in love with me she says, just not ready yet.

My perspective is that she wasn’t a sex toy, because I lusted after “her’ not just her body. But I think my brain mixed it up so that was only half true. I feel in a difficult position. I SO want my wife but I must be very patient. Any advice either of you? For perspective I am nearly 100 days porn free. Our issues came to the fore in February.
Yeah, telling our wives they are wrong (about that particular conception) is necessary, but as you said, they ain't gonna believe it (or anything we say), but we gotta keep saying it. I too wanna rip Shawna's clothes off, I can't keep my hands off of her. But I have to understand (and I struggle with this) that 14 years of of enduring the emotional stress involved with being a "cum sock" is gonna take a LONG time to even begin to be eradicated (if it even can be). Every time I touch her the first though that pops into her mind is (He's using my body to act out his porn induced fantasy.) And that is a monster I created. It is a monster I must chase away. But I must be careful of the methods I use in running said monster off. Her feelings are raw, I have rubbed them with 60 grit sandpaper for 14 years. So, as hard as it is to hear the things she has to say to me, I have to endure them and take them to heart. It's how she FEELS, and I am responsible. My position differs from yours in that your wife admits she is still in love with you yet limits sexual activity. Shawna is just the opposite. She repeats the fact that she is NO LONGER in love with me, but still allows me sex with her. Yet, both situations (seems to me) require the same response on our part. PERSEVERANCE. 100 days. Damn... That's tough bro. Hey, I think I would trade with you. I SOOOOOO want Shawna be in love with me again. Your wife is in love with you. You've already won. You know you have elevated her from "cum sock" status, she will realize it too. Someday. I'll quote the Beatles, "She loves you yeah yeah yeah, with a love like that, you know you should be glad."
 
Day 47. Feel like shit. She needed me yesterday and I wasn't there for her. Instead of being supportive and trying to comfort her, I fear I made the matter worse. I have GOT to stop reacting poorly to her (what I interpret as ) criticism, and show her love, not anger and selfish butthurt gaslighting. I realize the problem is there, I need to solve it. I just gotta swallow my stupid fucking ego and consider her first.

Persevere Brethren and Sistren
 
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GBS

Well-Known Member
Thanks for your comments. I am not saying you’re a sage but you talk sense. Have a word with yourself if you did bad today. I think Shawna still loves you, man. It’s deep down and it’s a hard one for her because letting you back in makes her vulnerable. That’s where you and I are identical. Keep going my friend. And keep writing too. You help me every day.
 
Thanks for your comments. I am not saying you’re a sage but you talk sense. Have a word with yourself if you did bad today. I think Shawna still loves you, man. It’s deep down and it’s a hard one for her because letting you back in makes her vulnerable. That’s where you and I are identical. Keep going my friend. And keep writing too. You help me every day.
Exactly. She fears if she lets me back in at this point I will get the idea that all is well and relapse. I see her point there. And, Shawna says she loves me, just not IN love with me anymore. I did have a word with myself, thanks for the advice. And no. not a sage, just another poor bastard suffering from self inflicted injury due to choking the smurf to porn for 20 years. self inflicted... self inflicted... self inflicted... sorry, just reminding myself who's fault all this is...
 
Day 48. Yesterday ended on a weird note. We were both laughing before night night, but how we arrived at that juncture would have USUALLY been another porn addict versus injured spouse death match. I see both progress and stasis in that situation, but the higher percentage is progress, about 70/30 I suppose. Because. I controlled my vile temper, did not blame shift, gaslight, or yell at her. Stasis, because it wasn't really a move forward to a large degree, yet definitely not a move backward.
Persevere Brethren and Sistren
 

GBS

Well-Known Member
See the positives. Change yourself and she will be back “in love” with you very soon. If you genuinely do change, why wouldn’t she?
 
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