Taking back my life, one day at a time

R3B00T3R

New Member
Hello, Reboot nation!
I am R3B00T3R and this is my journal.
I started watching P at age ten, and PMO'ing at around twelve or thirteen, and am now struggling to leave the addictions behind at the age of eighteen.
When I started watching, it was a very stressful time in my life which is what fueled it. I also come from a more strict and religious (not the two together) family, eg- Youtube and Snapchat aren't allowed, we all put our phones by the parents bed at the end of the day, etc.
I finally started the journey of quitting back in November, and have had highs and lows in my recovery since.
I am currently part of a twelve step sexaholics anonymous program to help in my journey.
If this isn't enough info, let me know so I can edit this post.

[05/24/22] Journal entry 1- Morning of the seventh day

Yesterday, I got a lot of exercise. I work pushing carts, I then also went and ran at the Y, then went on a walk at the park. What can I say? I love my legs. Part of the reason for that exercise was to push away the feelings of loneliness from my girlfriend being gone a week (Boohoo, yeah I'm a wimp, working on my emotions). I also ate a ton of sugar to cope with the emotions. Despite such turmoil I had relatively few fantasy thoughts or urges to PMO. Then I went to bed, had intense sexual dreams, and woke up having orgasmed. Now, normally I don't feel shame associated with porn use. Only constructive guilt to keep me on the right track. But as of writing this entry, I do feel shame. From having such terrible dreams, from a wet dream; I feel like I've relapsed. FYI, this is only the second wet dream I've had in my entire life and I'm eighteen- the first was only eighteen days ago. But I know it's all in my head so I am going to continue on without listening to the voices that say now that I'm a bad person or that my mind's too far gone. I will post another entry at the end of today.
 
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R3B00T3R

New Member
[06/03/22] Journal entry 2- Evening of the seventeenth day

A ten hour per day acting camp paired with the flu has me totally exhausted and everything feels kinda dim, Wednesday was when it started and it feels like a month has passed since then. Been a little triggered the last three days, understandably. I really want to keep my streak though, I want to get to day ninety and beyond
 
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