Harmonicas are weird, porn is a delicious treat.

grantis

Member
Whats up yall. Day 1 after a relapse (M 24, hungry for chick-fl-a and )

Brief intro: I don't play any music, and I mean NONE. I'm the guy at the cookout whos shaking a plastic egg full of rice totally out of rhythm while holding a bottle of Vodka, oblivious to my shirt as it goes up in flame.

On the flip side, I totally watch P. It's like CRACK! I have no self control. Moreover, the content I consume is so beyond unhealthy that It makes Robert De Niro look like a picture of health. Its 0-100 real quick, and it can last up to 7 hours.

Here's the strange thing. I'm doing ok. I used to destroy myself over relapsing, berate myself into nothing. I changed my approach over the course of the past 4 months. I practice love for my inner addict, treating myself with kindness and patience whenever i do relapse. I don't get mad at myself. If I'm careless, I simply thank myself for a learning opportunity.

In place of P, I'm going to pick up the simplest instrument I can; a Harmonica. I want to rebuild my habits to the point I'm so addicted to playing harmonica I have to join a harmonica reboot forum. A simple way to distract the mind from the fantastic draw of porn.

Also, I have no goal on how many days to go without P. I've tried sobriety before many times (AAO, no fap, retreats, dopamine detox, etc.) and I always fail. The only goal I have is to fully open and love myself despite this addiction.

love the relapse as
effort is meaningless.
Harmonicas are weird
and porn
what a delicious treat.
 
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grantis

Member
day 2
Today is a good day. Feeling sexually very alive, but able to orient my focus elsewhere other than P. Finding out that harmonicas are a lot harder to play then they look.
Question: does anyone else's brains feel weird after going several days without watching porn?
 

grantis

Member
well fuck a duck
I just went deep into my odl addiction. Areas of porn I havnt been to in ages. Its ok. I will move forward
 

TryingHarder

Active Member
Also, I have no goal on how many days to go without P. I've tried sobriety before many times (AAO, no fap, retreats, dopamine detox, etc.) and I always fail. The only goal I have is to fully open and love myself despite this addiction.
Gotta be honest: sounds like you haven't really decided to quit porn and end your addiction. That's not going to end well.

Also, this is a forum for people who are trying to beat addiction and not relapse, so posting things like "effort is meaningless" and "porn is a delicious treat" isn't cool.
 
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wrijak

Member
Hey welcome to the forum. Gotta agree with TryingHarder a bit. It's great your goal is self-love despite the addiction, but make sure you don't have it turned around. There should be a balance of self-love and honest effort.

You wrote:
If I'm careless, I simply thank myself for a learning opportunity.
and:
I just went deep into my odl addiction. Areas of porn I havnt been to in ages. Its ok. I will move forward
Here I would ask myself how did you actually use the opportunity to learn. Some kind of reflection or journaling about what actually lead to it always helps me.
 
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