Morale

[new reality]

Not too bad a day today, and not many urges. Felt a bit tired though, even though I slept well. Maybe it's because I didn't sleep the previous night, due to the addiction! On that note, a bit of history. It was about six years ago when I first joined a forum like this one. I had experienced PIED, but in a way it wasn't a major issue because I spend most of time single. And also I wasn't sure if the PIED was a result of P and chat etc. (it was).

(Talk of erections ahead)

So nowadays, even though lately I've been resetting to chat or p-subs, I get erections extremely easily. The simple act of going for a pee often ends up with me having an erection afterwards. I sometimes think I should try and get in the habit of sitting to pee. I say this partly to give hope to guys with PIED who may be reading this, but also it's relevant to my journal as getting erections can be a bit triggering in itself.

 

[new reality]

It was an unusual reset and very reminiscent of my addiction about twenty years ago, before I had easy, private access to high-speed Internet P and chat.

I had another of those today on Day 6. So bad news - I'm not meeting my goal of getting a proper, longer (hard mode) streak in. But good news - I didn't use chat or P, or an internet P-sub. It wasn't a video-based P-sub either, and I didn't seek it out. The world is full of P-subs though, and we're all "alcoholics at the bar" with this addiction. In fact we're alcoholics at the bar and a lot of people are offering us free drinks lol.

Other good news - I'm doing well at eliminating something from my diet which is basically unhealthy, especially in the quantities I've been consuming it in recent years. Last week I stocked up on a couple of much healthier alternatives and I've been having those instead. It was a lot easier than I thought, or at least it is so far.

 

[new reality]

Motivation for a lot of things has been low this week. I can "pat myself on the back" for resisting an urge earlier - by doing something else instead. Also yesterday I bought a present for someone and did it nice and early instead of waiting until the last minute. And just getting the basics done despite low motivation.

 

[new reality]

Still clean. Moods have been up and down somewhat, but that's life with me really, I don't think any amount of abstinence would somehow fix that, although abstinence has done great things for me too.

Monday morning here. Let's start the week well!

 

[new reality]

A while since my last message. I'm still working at recovery however.

Yesterday I was pretty motivated in general, although I did have some mood issues at one point.

Today I had no motivation and yes, I reset thanks to my chat addiction. Onwards.

 

[new reality]

Hello again.

I'm generally doing well as regards the addiction at the moment. Not sure exactly what day I'm on and I don't really want to know.

Some temptation tonight because of tiredness, mainly. This is due to insufficient sleep. I'll have to prioritise getting more sleep and I can think of a couple of ideas to help with that.

 

[new reality]

Had a reset unfortunately.

 

[new reality]

So I had a quick MO today, pretty "healthy" as these things go.

Seven days ago I had a P-sub MO. Not as healthy but still much better than using chat (for me), and still basically better than P. But P-subs are still dangerous and should be avoided.

Anyway, I should focus on better things, as my username suggests..