ADFECTATIO
Active Member
Hei,
thanks for this forum here.
I want to start a thread just today. To get a step going again.
My rebooting journey started in January 2020 - I learned, that p. is the symptom that shows me "Hey, there is something wrong in your life and the way you deal with your feelings.". I managed to make some progress with self talk and found a life goal which fulfills me. I turned my life around 180 ° degress, started studying again and got in a study programm which has a hard admission test. I can do it, I can study and I really like to sit down and focus and enjoy the thrill to be good in all the hard and weekly tests.
During preparation for the admission test I was so focused on the goal of getting in the study programm, I managed to get a streak of 60 - 65 days.
Now the daily grind is here.
In order to keep myself focused I set up lots of blocking systems that made relapses almost impossible. But that turned out to be a horrible mistake.
I lost the ability to control my urges. And now with the daily grind and the stress - I don`t know - I found ways around the blocks. When I am acting on autopilot, being in an addicted mood, I find ways to escape from the world and myself. And fall into holes.
I love the clean life! I have a daily rhythm, I make weekly and daily plans - hell - why am I stuck again in this escapism?
A few weeks ago, I decided, I need to learn to control myself. So I boldly deleted all restriction. Since then the spiral downward started - first slowly, then more and more time I escaped into Youtube, mindless websurfing and also PMO. The well known cycle: PMO, feeling bad about relapse, more escapism...
I dont get it. Rationally this behaviour is so - idk - unnecessary.
So here I am. And I am going to make it - it`s just a matter of time that I will make it.
I must adress more and more feelings inside of me - I will learn to be a friend to myself.
For getting started, I will try to write self talk diarys - which I already do, but on the laptop. For a change I will try it with paper and pencil.
Also the metascript method and the reboot regimen are two ebooks that helped me make progress in the past, so I will stick to them.
Furthermore I have problems with escapism in general - so this will not only be about P. but also about Youtube and getting lost in the internet in general.
thanks for this forum here.
I want to start a thread just today. To get a step going again.
My rebooting journey started in January 2020 - I learned, that p. is the symptom that shows me "Hey, there is something wrong in your life and the way you deal with your feelings.". I managed to make some progress with self talk and found a life goal which fulfills me. I turned my life around 180 ° degress, started studying again and got in a study programm which has a hard admission test. I can do it, I can study and I really like to sit down and focus and enjoy the thrill to be good in all the hard and weekly tests.
During preparation for the admission test I was so focused on the goal of getting in the study programm, I managed to get a streak of 60 - 65 days.
Now the daily grind is here.
In order to keep myself focused I set up lots of blocking systems that made relapses almost impossible. But that turned out to be a horrible mistake.
I lost the ability to control my urges. And now with the daily grind and the stress - I don`t know - I found ways around the blocks. When I am acting on autopilot, being in an addicted mood, I find ways to escape from the world and myself. And fall into holes.
I love the clean life! I have a daily rhythm, I make weekly and daily plans - hell - why am I stuck again in this escapism?
A few weeks ago, I decided, I need to learn to control myself. So I boldly deleted all restriction. Since then the spiral downward started - first slowly, then more and more time I escaped into Youtube, mindless websurfing and also PMO. The well known cycle: PMO, feeling bad about relapse, more escapism...
I dont get it. Rationally this behaviour is so - idk - unnecessary.
So here I am. And I am going to make it - it`s just a matter of time that I will make it.
I must adress more and more feelings inside of me - I will learn to be a friend to myself.
For getting started, I will try to write self talk diarys - which I already do, but on the laptop. For a change I will try it with paper and pencil.
Also the metascript method and the reboot regimen are two ebooks that helped me make progress in the past, so I will stick to them.
Furthermore I have problems with escapism in general - so this will not only be about P. but also about Youtube and getting lost in the internet in general.