Learning to treat myself well

ADFECTATIO

Member
Hei! thank you so much for your support!
So - the count is I really lost nearly 3 whole days to this youtube bullsh. Like I literally didnt get up out of bed and was lost in youtube the whole day. No need to say, how shitty I feel.

But the good thing is: Kicking YT must be way easier than kicking P. And its all the same dopamin addiction.
So yesterday I cleaned my room and the flat - I think my roommate will be coming back today and its nice to have a clean flat.
Yes - I lost productive study time - but I think I can mangage it. Okay, I like myself - I did something bad - but that doesn't mean that I am bad.
This morning I wrote a long journel entry and kind of thought about those two questions:

1. What is youtube doing for me?
2 Do I really enjoy it?

In short: It's doing no good and the release in stress is an illusion - I don't enjoy doing it. Instead I feel miserable.
I decided to have a concious last session - got pulled in again for 2-3 hous. But here I am, I don't have to watch YT ever again.

Yes, sometime there might be useful information on that - but I can find the information elsewhere. My life is just to valuable to waste it in front of a screen. I am happy that I don't have to watch YT! And kicking YT and P feels awesome - it gives so much life and time. (Doing some affirmations here).

Today I am on no PMO, no MO for 19 days. Thats great.
 

ADFECTATIO

Member
Feels good to be back on track.
After my last YT session I felt relieved. Went to the canteen for lunch and studied the afternoon.
In the evening I really enjoyed my workout! I don't know why, but I love those overhead presses :D

I am really looking forward to getting good in treating myself well, so I can avoid falling in these holes. I know that bad days are part of life, but I want to better my way of dealing with them. And I am confidend of doing so.
 

ADFECTATIO

Member
Day 20.
Was a good day, but I am really far behind with my study plan. That kind of pisses me off.
But it's also a good challange to keep calm and just work stoically.

I will try to work longer hours (today it was 8 - 19 h). I need time to relaxe and take my mind off, as well. Otherwise the danger of falling in addictive behaviours is getting higher.
I might be keeping my time in this forum a bit shorter, but try to update regularly.
 

ADFECTATIO

Member
Time to celebrate the three weeks mark - 21 Day - check :)

Right now it's the morning of day 22.

Yesterday evening I went alone to a little outside bar that is sometimes at uni. I met a lot of people there, had a great time socialicing. Also the one girl I really like was there, we had a funny time. We fooled around and were getting closer. Hard to describe, but I really enjoyed it!
Did go to bed still at a good time - 22:30 and didn't drink anything. So this morning I'm fit and ready to start working at 7.
 

anubu0

Active Member
Good stuff man! Socializing and partying but not letting it affect your mental and physical health is such a hard balance to achieve but seems like you're getting the hang of it!
 

ADFECTATIO

Member
Hm, yes, I think I am doing good - thank you :)

Got 23 days down - YES! It feels so great to be a Non-User.
Have been working out, studying longer.... Had a bad night of sleep last night, maybe because I was stressed (uni) or because of the workout, which was pretty intense.

Today I went for a run with a friend - it was raining a lot and we had fun with it!
Also I saw a girl in the bus, she was listening to music and kind of dancing while sitting - like she didn't care about all the other people and had such a positive charisma. I got up, set down behind her, tapped on her shoulder and we had a great conversation. She gave me one of her earphones to listen, too. Maybe we will meet again, if not, I am still fine. It was fun just getting to know her a bit and seeing her positivity.
I think it's better for me to stay single for the next two years. Then I will be in another phase of Uni which is not so demanding as the one I am in right now. I want to focus on myself, my studies and my physique.
 

anubu0

Active Member
I think it's better for me to stay single for the next two years. Then I will be in another phase of Uni which is not so demanding as the one I am in right now. I want to focus on myself, my studies and my physique.

Hey again! Glad to see you trucking through this reboot. I would just advise you to keep an open mind about this; I know that work and school can be extremely demanding and self improvement is critical if one wants to live a happy and successful life. That being said, in terms of recovery, it's also really important to be open to new relationships, platonic or non-platonic, to rewire the part of your brain that's been isolated as a result of p use.
 

ADFECTATIO

Member
Hey again! Glad to see you trucking through this reboot. I would just advise you to keep an open mind about this; I know that work and school can be extremely demanding and self improvement is critical if one wants to live a happy and successful life. That being said, in terms of recovery, it's also really important to be open to new relationships, platonic or non-platonic, to rewire the part of your brain that's been isolated as a result of p use.
Hei, thank you for your advice. You are right - I should be open, and I am really interested in girls. But for me it's important to have my priorities straight. Because in the past I was really too nice to the girls and a few of my gf didn't treat me right. Or maybe it was on me, because I was too nice and too pleasing. I didn't make it interesting.
Whatever. I made a decision in the summer of 2020 and set out a career goal. I am now on that mission.
That beeing said - I would really like to have a relaxed date again, maybe cook together, cuddle, kiss and make love. But I am relaxed about that.

Day 25.
On Thrusday I studied long hours and really made progress. Then I had an awesome workout in the evening. But I was also running with a friend the day before and noticed that the workout was really hard. The night I couldn't sleep that good and woke up pretty tired,
Caffeine is off the table, becaude it floods my brain with dopamin and I have found a clear correlation between caffeine consumption and relapses in the past.

Friday didn't go that well. Because I was so tired, I couldn't find the discipline to study hard - but I ordered an external monitor to optimize my work set-up at home. This has long been on my list - so it's okay. And it's also important to have an ergonomic set up and I also try to have fun while I am studying. The hours are long enough.

In the evening I allowed myself to whatch youtube. This was not treating myself well. I was tired, I tried to force myself to study, that let to me trying to escape myself in youtube. Next time I will just call it a day, or sleep for an hour and see, if the concentration will be better than.

Because weekends are the challenging part of my week, I will set the goal to totally rock this weekend!
This evening I have a studygroup meeting, during lunch we meet up in the canteen and on sunday evening I will workout and have a skype call with a friend of mine.
This should be a solid infrastructure to keep me on track.

Whish you all the best.
 

ADFECTATIO

Member
Got 27 Days down.

The weekend went well. I am experimenting with digital minimalism, will make a post about why and how it goes, when I have more time. Currently I want to focus on uni because of the upcoming exam.

The week should be no problem - it's pretty packed :) I will still try to workout and have calm evenings. The digital minimalism is helping me to stay calm.

Good start in the week to you all!
 

ADFECTATIO

Member
Achieved 28 days - no PMO no MO - yeah - 4 weeks :)

I am doing great. Working on the digital minimalism - and I am enjoying the free time and calmness I get from abstaining the mental distractions.

Right now I was at the canteen and felt my libido really strong. It's summer and I saw a very hot girl. I like the energy - and I am so glad I don't have to PMO ever again. It's great. This I my first experience with sexual transmutation.
I really would like to get sexually active again - but with a woman. So where to put my energy? Yes => building up my status, which means, focusing on my career and putting in extra effort in working out.

Yesterday night I was hiking with a 23 kg backpack and started training for my summer holiday tour.

Also I am really social these days. In sum: Living the PMOfree life is awesome :)
Have a good one!
 
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