Learning to treat myself well

[cookiemonster]

What's done is done. You probably still feel bad about it because you view it as something which might continue to be a problem. Meaning you might still waste that amount of time each month.

Maybe you could try to get one day done where you literally don't use your phone at all. Just to see what it's like and what happens. if you can do one, then you can do more right?

 

[cookiemonster]

Get right back out there man. You have all of us behind you. Okay, you lost the battle today, the rest of the day and tomorrow is anyone's game. Game on! Urges might be up and you might find it hard to get back on track after a relapse but you're capable of beating it, you've done it before.

 

[Androg]

All the best!

 

[cookiemonster]

Good luck and all the best!

 

[tay97]

You already have all the ingredients. You (and I) have used porn in the past. Can you name a single instance where it helped you? I mean it. When did you profit from being a porn user? Did it calm you down when you were stressed? Sure, but that masturbation and orgasm. I am talking about porn. There are no benefits.

It's like being a heroin addict. Sweet juice and what a high in that moment, right? What about the rest of your time and your life? People (rightfully) look down on these addict because they throw away their life and all the beautiful things in it for a few hours of sweet dreaming.

 

[Androg]

Here I am again. Partly because I want to finish the reboot I started here but mostly because I managed a few 5 - 14 days streeks in the last 2 months and I would really love to get rid of the fucking porn and masturbation in my life! It destroys me! This in combination with youtube and other screen time escapism. It's hell on earth. And I don't know why I always keep falling back to this crab, when it's getting hard in my life.

I was trying to cut out both, the youtube escapism and porn - maybe both is too much? I don't know. Really. The thing is - I don't know HOW THE FUCK I get over this shit! Good, let me think: In working out and studying it's the same path: Either you feel like it or not, just show up, put in the work and slowly but steadily progress will come. Starting small also helps.

What I have learned so far from the reboots:
- No Arousal works best: Not even looking at hot girls or sexy advertisements, no Porn Substitutes and god forbid no peaking at fucking porn sites! When ever I lose one of these small fights, the P Moster gets a litte snack and the cravings start to overwhelm me.
- I really MUST make sure to get good rest. This means getting away from spending the evenings and all the free time in front of the pc!

Ok. One step at the time: Today is porn free, no arousal no looking at hot girls, no thinking naughty thoughts - I can do one day clean. It's easy and a porn free day is so much better than a relapse and binge, also so much more enregizing. I am so happy I don't have to watch porn. No one forces me to do it. It's all done by myself.

Because I relapsed yesterday, today will be day 1.

It’s often easier to go toward other activities rather than trying to resist something you want to remove from your life. By that I mean have other activities that you want to do that you can do when you’re tired or bored or stressed that are not porn and browsing. As long as the unwanted activities, are your only options for stress relief, you will use in a moment of weakness.

So what could you do that involves something else? Reading a print book? Doing language drills?

Also it sounds like you want to keep your devices away from you at night. Perhaps in another room.

 

[cookiemonster]

Good stuff! And don't forget to stay off the social media and YouTube!

 

[cookiemonster]

Is "baseline" your streak counter for how many days you've done a minimum of 1.5h deep-work study?

Good job on the day. You might not be satisfied with it but you can definitely be satisfied that you're on the right track. If you maintain these habits over the long term, the days will just get better and better.

Good job on digital minimalism and not going on YouTube in particular. My day is just starting now and I've already "checked-in" to social media but I didn't get sucked in. Now to set my goals on my journal...

 

[SmokenMirrors]

Good. Slept a bit longer, was slow to get started with the day, but I already did laundry and he - if I could manage the baseline on the full weekend I had - so it will be super easy today. I will do more!

I have a plan for today. It's all set out, thats what I'll focus on.
Fuck porn and escapism! I am a man of action and I have a mission in life - and here and today I have the ability to move closer to my goals!
I can manage today.

So - no touching the d, no wandering with the mind, no YT and I will check Whatsapp after I finished studying (around 1730). In the evening: Gym.

I will make today a great day.

Love this! As a man, we should be chasing nothing but our mission!

 

[SmokenMirrors]

Love Goggins! He helps us all to carry the boats!

 

[AJ7]

Nice! @ADFECTATIO

 

[cookiemonster]

Don't worry about a less productive day after a night like that. We're not machines, our energy is finite.

Totally normal as well that you found yourself watching a little video on a day when you were more tired (and probably a little distracted after last night haha).

Rest up and then ease yourself back into your routines .

 

[cookiemonster]

You're doing great. A little video here or there isn't the end of the world but I agree with your sentiment that mustn't let any pixeled bullshit steal away our attention and time. You got this!

 

[Androg]

Reboot: 14 d
Baseline: 4 d
Digital Minimalism: 2 d
Deep Work: 5.0 h

Update to yesterday: Did the 5 h deep work - was super focused and I start seeing progress with the topics - and that kicked of more willpower to get it done.
I was invited to the girl last evening - and well, we made dinner, walked through the city and in the end I stayed at her place. I am thinkig, that I will be more disciplined in the future - because now I am tired and its already pretty late.
Will be a battle to reach the 5h today and also go to the gym - but if I manage this hurtle - damn! That would be fine!

So - fuck Porn, fuck esacapism - aint nobody got time for that! Stay hard!
I got way better things to do and I am looking forward to the sweet feeling of another day accomplished!

A tantra teacher friend of mine would tell you that time with the girl is good, but don’t force yourself to climax. Conserve your energy for your exam.

 

[cookiemonster]

I read this post this morning when getting up to go to the gym. I did my gym session, realised how tired I was, finished my session, came back home, and went to sleep again.

I'm so utterly useless when I'm tired. My ability to stay off social media goes off the rails. I eat crappy food. I can't work. I MO and struggle to stay on track with the reboot. You're not the only one.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about this one. You might find that you're sleep deprived, how many hours have you been getting? If you approach getting enough sleep with the same enthusiasm as you've been approaching other things it might set you up to completely crush it - be both productive and also feel good.

You've got this, keep coming to the forum, keep posting every day, keep figuring out the best approach.

 

[cookiemonster]

All I want to see from you is a "1 d" no porn counter. Once you get back on track you'll have momentum. You can do this. Get up, shake yourself off, break the cycle.

Then you can be on another winning streak again.

All you need is a circuit breaker.

I know you can do this, you know you can do this.

Let's make it happen.

 

[cookiemonster]

How are we doing?

 

[Androg]

I guess because I'm a dinosaur, I find it especially horrifying that someone with such a magnificent future ahead of him can while away an entire morning in such an activity. Truly, screen addiction is a ghastly curse. Seriously, it's like an evil spell that steals not only people's present lives, but also their bright futures.

 

[Androg]

Would a different kind of accountability help you get some traction? Maybe an online recovery group that is structured?

 

[Androg]

Did you see this, from Brutus's post?

Most of my relapses occurred because of browsing YouTube. To curb this I had to delete the app on my phone and block the website on my PC. It really does help to restrict access to it. I can still turn the internet blocker off but doing so gives enough time to ask the question "do I really want to waste the next few hours mindlessly browsing?" I also have an add on for my PC called DF YouTube (distraction free YouTube). It hides all video suggestions and makes the homepage blank. I literally can’t scroll endlessly. I have to search for videos manually. It's really helped me with my semi addiction to YouTube.