Learning to treat myself well
- Thread starter ADFECTATIO
- Start date
ADFECTATIO
Member
Hei! thank you so much for your support!
So - the count is I really lost nearly 3 whole days to this youtube bullsh. Like I literally didnt get up out of bed and was lost in youtube the whole day. No need to say, how shitty I feel.
But the good thing is: Kicking YT must be way easier than kicking P. And its all the same dopamin addiction.
So yesterday I cleaned my room and the flat - I think my roommate will be coming back today and its nice to have a clean flat.
Yes - I lost productive study time - but I think I can mangage it. Okay, I like myself - I did something bad - but that doesn't mean that I am bad.
This morning I wrote a long journel entry and kind of thought about those two questions:
1. What is youtube doing for me?
2 Do I really enjoy it?
In short: It's doing no good and the release in stress is an illusion - I don't enjoy doing it. Instead I feel miserable.
I decided to have a concious last session - got pulled in again for 2-3 hous. But here I am, I don't have to watch YT ever again.
Yes, sometime there might be useful information on that - but I can find the information elsewhere. My life is just to valuable to waste it in front of a screen. I am happy that I don't have to watch YT! And kicking YT and P feels awesome - it gives so much life and time. (Doing some affirmations here).
Today I am on no PMO, no MO for 19 days. Thats great.
So - the count is I really lost nearly 3 whole days to this youtube bullsh. Like I literally didnt get up out of bed and was lost in youtube the whole day. No need to say, how shitty I feel.
But the good thing is: Kicking YT must be way easier than kicking P. And its all the same dopamin addiction.
So yesterday I cleaned my room and the flat - I think my roommate will be coming back today and its nice to have a clean flat.
Yes - I lost productive study time - but I think I can mangage it. Okay, I like myself - I did something bad - but that doesn't mean that I am bad.
This morning I wrote a long journel entry and kind of thought about those two questions:
1. What is youtube doing for me?
2 Do I really enjoy it?
In short: It's doing no good and the release in stress is an illusion - I don't enjoy doing it. Instead I feel miserable.
I decided to have a concious last session - got pulled in again for 2-3 hous. But here I am, I don't have to watch YT ever again.
Yes, sometime there might be useful information on that - but I can find the information elsewhere. My life is just to valuable to waste it in front of a screen. I am happy that I don't have to watch YT! And kicking YT and P feels awesome - it gives so much life and time. (Doing some affirmations here).
Today I am on no PMO, no MO for 19 days. Thats great.
ADFECTATIO
Member
Feels good to be back on track.
After my last YT session I felt relieved. Went to the canteen for lunch and studied the afternoon.
In the evening I really enjoyed my workout! I don't know why, but I love those overhead presses
I am really looking forward to getting good in treating myself well, so I can avoid falling in these holes. I know that bad days are part of life, but I want to better my way of dealing with them. And I am confidend of doing so.
After my last YT session I felt relieved. Went to the canteen for lunch and studied the afternoon.
In the evening I really enjoyed my workout! I don't know why, but I love those overhead presses
I am really looking forward to getting good in treating myself well, so I can avoid falling in these holes. I know that bad days are part of life, but I want to better my way of dealing with them. And I am confidend of doing so.
ADFECTATIO
Member
Day 20.
Was a good day, but I am really far behind with my study plan. That kind of pisses me off.
But it's also a good challange to keep calm and just work stoically.
I will try to work longer hours (today it was 8 - 19 h). I need time to relaxe and take my mind off, as well. Otherwise the danger of falling in addictive behaviours is getting higher.
I might be keeping my time in this forum a bit shorter, but try to update regularly.
Was a good day, but I am really far behind with my study plan. That kind of pisses me off.
But it's also a good challange to keep calm and just work stoically.
I will try to work longer hours (today it was 8 - 19 h). I need time to relaxe and take my mind off, as well. Otherwise the danger of falling in addictive behaviours is getting higher.
I might be keeping my time in this forum a bit shorter, but try to update regularly.
ADFECTATIO
Member
Time to celebrate the three weeks mark - 21 Day - check
Right now it's the morning of day 22.
Yesterday evening I went alone to a little outside bar that is sometimes at uni. I met a lot of people there, had a great time socialicing. Also the one girl I really like was there, we had a funny time. We fooled around and were getting closer. Hard to describe, but I really enjoyed it!
Did go to bed still at a good time - 22:30 and didn't drink anything. So this morning I'm fit and ready to start working at 7.
Right now it's the morning of day 22.
Yesterday evening I went alone to a little outside bar that is sometimes at uni. I met a lot of people there, had a great time socialicing. Also the one girl I really like was there, we had a funny time. We fooled around and were getting closer. Hard to describe, but I really enjoyed it!
Did go to bed still at a good time - 22:30 and didn't drink anything. So this morning I'm fit and ready to start working at 7.
ADFECTATIO
Member
Hm, yes, I think I am doing good - thank you
Got 23 days down - YES! It feels so great to be a Non-User.
Have been working out, studying longer.... Had a bad night of sleep last night, maybe because I was stressed (uni) or because of the workout, which was pretty intense.
Today I went for a run with a friend - it was raining a lot and we had fun with it!
Also I saw a girl in the bus, she was listening to music and kind of dancing while sitting - like she didn't care about all the other people and had such a positive charisma. I got up, set down behind her, tapped on her shoulder and we had a great conversation. She gave me one of her earphones to listen, too. Maybe we will meet again, if not, I am still fine. It was fun just getting to know her a bit and seeing her positivity.
I think it's better for me to stay single for the next two years. Then I will be in another phase of Uni which is not so demanding as the one I am in right now. I want to focus on myself, my studies and my physique.
Got 23 days down - YES! It feels so great to be a Non-User.
Have been working out, studying longer.... Had a bad night of sleep last night, maybe because I was stressed (uni) or because of the workout, which was pretty intense.
Today I went for a run with a friend - it was raining a lot and we had fun with it!
Also I saw a girl in the bus, she was listening to music and kind of dancing while sitting - like she didn't care about all the other people and had such a positive charisma. I got up, set down behind her, tapped on her shoulder and we had a great conversation. She gave me one of her earphones to listen, too. Maybe we will meet again, if not, I am still fine. It was fun just getting to know her a bit and seeing her positivity.
I think it's better for me to stay single for the next two years. Then I will be in another phase of Uni which is not so demanding as the one I am in right now. I want to focus on myself, my studies and my physique.
Hey again! Glad to see you trucking through this reboot. I would just advise you to keep an open mind about this; I know that work and school can be extremely demanding and self improvement is critical if one wants to live a happy and successful life. That being said, in terms of recovery, it's also really important to be open to new relationships, platonic or non-platonic, to rewire the part of your brain that's been isolated as a result of p use.
ADFECTATIO
Member
Hei, thank you for your advice. You are right - I should be open, and I am really interested in girls. But for me it's important to have my priorities straight. Because in the past I was really too nice to the girls and a few of my gf didn't treat me right. Or maybe it was on me, because I was too nice and too pleasing. I didn't make it interesting.
Whatever. I made a decision in the summer of 2020 and set out a career goal. I am now on that mission.
That beeing said - I would really like to have a relaxed date again, maybe cook together, cuddle, kiss and make love. But I am relaxed about that.
Day 25.
On Thrusday I studied long hours and really made progress. Then I had an awesome workout in the evening. But I was also running with a friend the day before and noticed that the workout was really hard. The night I couldn't sleep that good and woke up pretty tired,
Caffeine is off the table, becaude it floods my brain with dopamin and I have found a clear correlation between caffeine consumption and relapses in the past.
Friday didn't go that well. Because I was so tired, I couldn't find the discipline to study hard - but I ordered an external monitor to optimize my work set-up at home. This has long been on my list - so it's okay. And it's also important to have an ergonomic set up and I also try to have fun while I am studying. The hours are long enough.
In the evening I allowed myself to whatch youtube. This was not treating myself well. I was tired, I tried to force myself to study, that let to me trying to escape myself in youtube. Next time I will just call it a day, or sleep for an hour and see, if the concentration will be better than.
Because weekends are the challenging part of my week, I will set the goal to totally rock this weekend!
This evening I have a studygroup meeting, during lunch we meet up in the canteen and on sunday evening I will workout and have a skype call with a friend of mine.
This should be a solid infrastructure to keep me on track.
Whish you all the best.
ADFECTATIO
Member
Got 27 Days down.
The weekend went well. I am experimenting with digital minimalism, will make a post about why and how it goes, when I have more time. Currently I want to focus on uni because of the upcoming exam.
The week should be no problem - it's pretty packed I will still try to workout and have calm evenings. The digital minimalism is helping me to stay calm.
Good start in the week to you all!
The weekend went well. I am experimenting with digital minimalism, will make a post about why and how it goes, when I have more time. Currently I want to focus on uni because of the upcoming exam.
The week should be no problem - it's pretty packed
I will still try to workout and have calm evenings. The digital minimalism is helping me to stay calm.Good start in the week to you all!
ADFECTATIO
Member
Achieved 28 days - no PMO no MO - yeah - 4 weeks
I am doing great. Working on the digital minimalism - and I am enjoying the free time and calmness I get from abstaining the mental distractions.
Right now I was at the canteen and felt my libido really strong. It's summer and I saw a very hot girl. I like the energy - and I am so glad I don't have to PMO ever again. It's great. This I my first experience with sexual transmutation.
I really would like to get sexually active again - but with a woman. So where to put my energy? Yes => building up my status, which means, focusing on my career and putting in extra effort in working out.
Yesterday night I was hiking with a 23 kg backpack and started training for my summer holiday tour.
Also I am really social these days. In sum: Living the PMOfree life is awesome
Have a good one!
I am doing great. Working on the digital minimalism - and I am enjoying the free time and calmness I get from abstaining the mental distractions.
Right now I was at the canteen and felt my libido really strong. It's summer and I saw a very hot girl. I like the energy - and I am so glad I don't have to PMO ever again. It's great. This I my first experience with sexual transmutation.
I really would like to get sexually active again - but with a woman. So where to put my energy? Yes => building up my status, which means, focusing on my career and putting in extra effort in working out.
Yesterday night I was hiking with a 23 kg backpack and started training for my summer holiday tour.
Also I am really social these days. In sum: Living the PMOfree life is awesome
Have a good one!